SUBSCRIBE VIA RSSOn holidays where either my wife or Jesus was born, I’m all for giving gifts. But I’ve never been one for the shmoopy clichéd gifts that seem to be rooted more in obligation than inspiration. Holidays that, while nice in their symbolic intent, appear to be driven by jewelers, chocolatiers, and flower magnates.
Heather doesn’t need a bouquet of flowers, another mother-child pendant, or a box of chocolates to know she’s appreciated and loved. I make sure she knows this every day of the year. I’m just not that guy who relies on a Mother’s Day gift to excuse the previous 364 days’ lack of acknowledgment.
Heather’s most favorite Valentine’s and Mother’s Day presents haven’t been presents at all. One was my surprise trip to Texas to visit her after we’d spent months apart while she cared for my mother. Another was simply…a rock. I had plucked a river stone from the creek bed we were sitting in, and with cunning precision, chiseled it into the shape of a heart. A masterpiece that still adorns our mantel.
Believe me, if you can make a woman swoon with a rock, she’s a keeper.
And you…are the MAN.
So while everyone else was standing in front of pillaged racks of greeting cards on Mother’s Day Eve searching for someone else’s words to say what should come naturally, I rested comfortably at home trying to think of something I could do to make her day a bit more special.
What I gave her didn’t come in a box. It wasn’t wrapped in a bow. It didn’t even come with a receipt.
Instead, I decided to do something for my wife that I’ve never done for anyone else before. Not even myself.
I folded laundry.
Now…I know what you’re thinking: “She’s the mother of your children, it’s not like she eradicated cancer!”
And I get that. But I love Heather THAT much. Although I will admit that the tedious nature of that task stressed me to my limits and inspired me to purchase what should prove to be three of the most romantic gifts ever given:
1. A laundry basket for Andrew.
2. A laundry basket for Michael.
3. A laundry basket for me.
Kamryn gets a pass.
Based on my short experience, I determined that Heather must spend half her waking hours folding clothes that she doesn’t even wear. Over the years, the tonnage is immeasurable and I’m shocked that she’s done so without so much as a word of complaint.
In comparison, it took less than 15 minutes of dealing with a mountain of orphaned socks before I could feel intense anger bubbling within.
Socks with broad weaves, some with thin. Socks with gold toes, some with blue. Ankle socks, low socks, high socks. It was like sorting snowflakes. No two were the same.
As a lifelong t-shirt guy, folding clothes has never been an artform I’ve practiced. I’d simply remove the clothes from the dryer, open the least-jammed dresser drawer, and lay them in one on top of the other. Same with my boxers, same with my shorts, and same with my jeans. The only exceptions were button-down shirts and my ONE suit, which needed to be somewhat balanced on hangers.
99% of the clothes I folded were inside out. Part of me wanted to just fold them as they were and let the impending wearer deal with it, but considering the nature of the holiday, I went the extra mile and incessantly yanked on sleeves and pant legs until the clothes were folded to code.
By the time I was done, I wanted to hurt someone.
Even though I’d successfully sorted everyone’s clothes into manageable piles, I was still saddled with two dozen socks without mates. Heather explained that the protocol with loose singles is to just toss them into an orphan basket. As more orphans amass, sometimes a match can be found. But if an orphan goes unclaimed after a certain period of time, it gets relocated to the “rag bin” where it lives out the balance of its life wiping up messes and cleaning windows.
To me, this sounds like a waste of perfectly good socks. I’d rather see us implement a Foster Sock program whereby orphaned pairs can still be worn. While it doesn’t work so well when wearing shorts, sock matching is of little concern if you’re in long pants, jammies, or retirement.
What I learned through this experience is that no one person should be expected to fold a household’s worth of clothing, towels, and linens and maintain sanity. I don’t know how she’s done it. I’m embarrassed that it’s taken me this long to come to this realization but Heather’s never really complained.
In our new laundry regime, the kids will be responsible for placing dirty clothes IN their own private basket and then folding the same clothes once they’re magically washed and returned. While I’m sure this will implant some degree of responsibility, that’s not my motivation. I mainly want to alleviate some of Heather’s daily stress. We’re all completely capable and it’s long overdue. I barely lasted 30 minutes and I was ready for a rampage. After enduring years of this, Heather has to be one ankle sock away from the asylum.
Considering all the free time she’ll gain as a result, I can think of no better gift for Mother’s Day. A year from now, long after all the cards have been discarded, the chocolates eaten, and the flowers wilted, I will have given Heather an extra three million daytime hours.
An amount that doubles if I buy everyone their own dishwasher.
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Amen! Folding clothes IS tedious. You are so sweet to help her, and I’m sure she appreciated it!
I think I love you. You might buy these to go with the laundry baskets. http://www.handylaundry.com/products/Mesh-Lingerie-Bag.html If socks are put in as pairs, they come out as pairs. Depending on the socks you probably don’t want to put more than 8 or so in so kids may need more than one bag. (Or one for whites, one for colors.) They can go in the washer and the dryer. Or you could just buy plain white socks that all match regardless. (I hate matching socks can you tell.)
There’s nothing more romantic than my husband doing housework. I think your “doing” present was very thoughtful and your laundry basket system is helpful. As I was doing laundry for my college age son last night as my gesture of thoughtfulness to him, I found myself regretting that I never seemed to teach him (or it did not register with him) that turning socks from inside out to right side out is part of putting dirty clothes in the hamper. And we too have an orphan sock basket. When it starts to overflow I break down and mate all of the socks I can and even though I want to discard the rest or relegate them to the rag pile, I just cannot bring myself to do it because I’m an eternal optimist that all of the mates will be found and the stars will align and there will be no more orphan socks in our house. It could happen! And I’m allowed to dream!
Isn’t it sad how much dreams change as we get older? I have to imagine your dream as a child wasn’t to have a basketful of matching socks. But considering a 100% sock match success rate is as much a fantasy as walking on the moon, it’s easy to see how it manifests itself into one.
You speak the truth.
Apparently I need an intervention. I like matching socks. I like folding laundry. It soothes me.
I’m sick.
WG
Can you come to my house and do my laundry?
I also like folding laundry however, I will probably retract that statement when I have a family one day and I’m constantly folding endless piles of laundry.
WilyGuy, if you weren’t married I’d think you were trying to score a basket load of dates.
Your comment MIGHT have been believable had you stopped at matching socks. But to say you *like* folding laundry because it soothes you just makes it implausible.
You went too far.
Yes, sorry I should have clarified that I am married (19 wonderful years, no I’m not sucking up to her because she doesn’t really read comments I leave) and not seeking a “basket load” (nice word play my friend) of dates.
It is more likely that my CDO (OCD but with the letters in the correct order) is my main cause for folding laundry. It is the lack of stress from the CDO that soothes me.
I almost have to fight my daughter for who gets to sort the socks…the pattern continues.
WG
Haha, I’d love both of you if you weren’t married. Lucky ladies.
Personally I think the whole basket/folding thing is going to backfire and I will end up more stressed that the clothes are not folded and put away. I see an overflowing basket and clothes all over the floor. I see Andrew re-washing all his clothes because they have cat/dog hair on them – because they were on the floor. Michael will at least put forth some effort to hide his basket…behind the chair, under a blanket (he is sooo predictable). I can feel myself tensing up already.
You took the words right out of my mouth. While I applaud his effort, trying to get kids to correctly fold clothes is going to be an on-going project. And you are going to go crazy watching your children walk around in wrinkled, inside out, unmatched clothing.
When has a plan of mine ever gone awry? You forget that we have the threat of electronics withdrawal should they falter in their tasks. I’ll be watching over these two slobs like a drill sergeant. While this level of vigilance may lead to me occasionally slipping in my own laundry duties, it’s the kids who are the real problem anyhow.
As dad to 18 year old boy and 15 year old boy and 8 year old girl… that is EXACTLY what will happen.
Overall confusion as to which clothes are clean and which are dirty, lack of desire to fold them so they will just live out of the basket, middle guy actually packed clean clothes (as in wadded them up and stuffed them) into his luggage just to avoid them being in the basket or in the dresser.
Good Luck…
Yeah… as I was reading this I was thinking that may not be a gift to your wife, unless you’re willing to be the taskmaster with the kids. My 9 year old currently has a pile of shirts on his floor with hangers on top waiting to be put away. This stresses me out!
I totally am with Julie….stressing out. Although our 10yr old managed to hang the clothes up. His definition of hang…lay several layers of clothing over one hanger that is sticking way out because he has no room in the closet. Upon moving said hanger, we found the reason. Toys, more clothes, recycling (he swears he is building something) books……
You have to embrace the idea of mismatched socks. When buying new socks my daughter always chooses ones that are in colors and patterns (no white socks for her). She likes to intentionally mismatch her socks when she wears them. The bonus for me…it doesn’t matter if there are orphaned socks because her socks never match anyway.
Heather’s partially to blame for the outrageous number of sock orphans. This could all be solved if we always bought the same brand. Instead, she makes sure to never purchase the same pack twice. And I’m convinced she’s out buying single socks as well.
Us too! The mismatched “style” of fourth grade socks is wonderful. I will fold t-shirts all day long but by all that is holy I hate matching socks.
I completely agree with you. I am a mom of 2 and I don’t need no stinking flowers or cards. My husband gave me the best gift imaginable…
He gave me the gift of survival.
He bought me a weekend zombie survival course where I will not only learn how to kill zombies with various weapons, but also first aid and HOW TO HOTWIRE A CAR!!!!
The man knows me well….
Hugs!
Valerie
Well this trumps my gift. When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, you’ll be prepared and we’ll just be running around frantically in mismatched socks.
that is just freaking cool !!!!! now I wanna do that ~~~~
Mismatched socks are the only real weapon against Zombies… I thought everyone knew that by now. ever see a dude in any of the zombie games wearing mismatched socks? NOW you know why…
I think it’s mostly him being lazy and not have to kill any zombies when the Zombie Apocalypse comes. He’ll be all “But I wasn’t trained for this.” Then he’ll go about reading his book whilst I do all the hard work.
Hugs!
Valerie
My first time reading your blog…..and I’m hooked. Best gift ever and you had me laughing!! Glad to see others hate laundry as much as I do! Well, truth be told, its the folding part that drives me crazy! Can’t wait to read more from you!
I love your sentiment, Greg and yes, folding laundry is a thankless task but I’m with Mrs Telling Dad on this one. The stress that ensues when trying to outwit the witless is beyond thinking about.
A search of our 3rd child’s bedroom once revealed 3 weeks of neatly folded laundry piles UNDER his bed!!
The middle son knows he can out-last me on any task but the eldest uses laundry as a study procrastination tool. Go figure!
Me? I love my clothesline (yep, I’m an Aussie).
You see, once all the clothes are hanging on the line – it’s a job finished. But when the washing is brought in – it becomes another job.
Also, there is no easier way to find clothes and matching socks than spinning the Hills Hoist til the right ones fly past you. Who needs a dryer?
However, I will admit to having two baskets for socks and jocks. I just dump everything that’s not mine in there and let them fight out ownership themselves. Orphan sock pairs are a fashion statement here.
Everyone seems to underestimate the power of electronic motivation. Back in my day, there was really nothing parents could threaten to take away. Thus the lack of motivation to do anything. I’m convinced I could get these kids to scrape and repaint our house if it meant an extra hour of xBox.
I hate folding clothes too. Don’t mind washing them, except for socks. The male population within in my house seem to always take their socks off so they wind up in balls or folded, inside out. So when I go to wash them I get to undo little stinky sock balls. Boo! We’re pretty fortunate, our orphaned socks are few.
My husband is notorious for this as well. My solution? Wash them as they are deposited in the hamper. Balled socks in hamper? Damp, balled socks in drawer. After a few weeks of that he got the message.
See, this is where following current trends comes in handy…
The current trend for kids socks is to have mismatched pairs.
Granted, if it’s just a bunch of white socks that are mismatched, you still just look like a lazy, laundry incompetent parent, but if you go out and buy a bunch of crazy colored/patterned socks… there’s no need to have a matching pair ever again.
Either that, or have a tye-dye day, in which all unpaired white socks become colorful, free-lovin’ hippie socks who don’t care who their partner sock is, because everything is just too groovy to worry about trivial matters like color.
If this is a trend for balding guys in their 40s and I won’t have to endure a commitment hearing, I’m down with it.
I don’t mind folding the laundry because at least that way I know it gets done properly. But I draw the line at socks. I absolutely refuse to fold them – matching or otherwise. My husband takes pity (or gets grouchy he can’t find matching socks) and folds them about once a month. But most of the time socks just hang out in baskets waiting…
http://heatherl04.blogspot.com/2010/02/attack-of-socks.html
This post cracked me up… and made me slightly angry. Why? Because I spent an hour folding laundry yesterday. I didn’t have time to put it all away because the massive pile of laundry left me with only like 5 minutes to shower & get ready for work, wake the napping toddler & load him in the car to take him to Grandma’s so that I could get to work on time. I just kind of assumed that Hubby would put the laundry away when he got home from work. WRONG. I came home at midnight (I work in a restaurant) to all of those clean, neatly folded clothes. And a sink full of dishes. Can you give my husband a call??
In your husband’s defense, men have selective eyesight. If we sense piles of folded clothes, we simply avoid making eye contact or avoid the room altogether until magical nymphs put the clothes away for us. I know of no cure. You’re fighting genetics and nature here.
Newish to your blog via @bloggess. Laundry folding is an Awesome Gift- the one that keeps on giving.
The sock dilemma is an opportunity for fostering creativity; who can come up with and wear the best combination of mis-matched socks? We play it daily (and by *play* I mean I don’t take the time to match socks for anyone in my house).
I thoroughly enjoy your writing.
“sorting snowflakes” …..priceless!
Every man in America, heck, the world should read this! As a woman who works full time, goes to college full time, AND does 99.9% of the maintaining of this home (for a family of four)I can say that having my husband or one of the kids fold a load of laundry would be a gift I would treasure for the rest of my life. Your wife is one lucky gal!
Wanna know the secret? Have him do it ONCE. He’ll feel your pain and may even purchase an in-home maid.
He did the laundry once. Shrank two of my sweaters. I think that was intentional. I haven’t let him touch my stuff since, but I think he thought it meant do not touch ANY laundry EVER! lol…but heck, I’d be happy if any of these people I live with did ANYTHING around here…..and yes, I’ve tried just leaving it all, but after a week of tripping over garbage/laundry/dishes etc I had to do it cause I was going nuts! lol
It’s all a ruse. My mom tried to get us to do our own laundry when we were kids and I ‘accidentally’ used Clorox instead of fabric softener. Haven’t been asked to touch a washing machine since.
Sadly enough, I’m going to have to ask Heather for a tutorial on how to use ours. It has more buttons and knobs than the space shuttle.
Let’s look at the relationships / motivators that Greg has taken a moment to point out at least one.
Children : Electronics
Men : Sex
As Greg says, get him to do it once and reward him with some lingerie on a Tuesday night and make sure you point out that the laundry was why you were “in the mood” he will do it every time, in fact probably try extra hard to dirty more…
(No Greg, that isn’t why I do the laundry)
WG
LOL, Greg I was thinking about mentioning the sex thing because *whispers* it worked for me but I was thinking this was a family site so I shouldn’t air my dirty laundry (bada bing). Its a win-win situation.
I really don’t understand the sock black hole that every house has. Seriously, as adults with NO children in the house I don’t understand how we have missing socks . The laundry room is next to the master bedroom; the clothes don’t travel far enough to go missing.
Go you for giving Heather the most awesome gift! Time!!! But I’m sure she’ll fill it with other things she’s been meaning to do around the house but hasn’t been able too because she’s so busy folding laundry.
One of the reasons I first fell in love with my husband is that he sent his laundry out to be done — dirty clothes would go out of the house in a bag and clean clothes came back magically folded and ready to go into a drawer. Sadly, I made the mistake of telling him that the one thing we needed before we had kids was a washing machine & dryer. I’ve been paying for that mistake for 12 plus years.
Sadly, the threat of no electronics doesn’t work on said 12 year old — she prefers books. I’ve tried enforcing the “do your own laundry rule” but with the rushing of pre-teen hormones around here, my survival instincts kick in and I’d rather do the laundry than brave the “I don’t have anything to wear” storm every morning. (Of course, she doesn’t seem to generate much laundry, probably because dirty clothes never seem to materialize in the hamper.)
The 8 year old loves to help with laundry, though he does seem to generate much more than one little body should — I swear he puts clean clothes in the hamper so he can do more laundry.
I have my own storm of snowflakes I’m off to match right now!
If your daughter is anything like my sister was, you HAVE to endure the “I don’t have anything to wear” tirade to break her. This won’t work with boys because most take absolutely no pride in their appearance. Just make the repercussions match the personality and you’re golden!
You. Are a saint. My significant other and I wash and fold our own clothes. That said, his clothes are either A. always in the dryer, or B. clean and piled into a basket that’s inevitably in my way somewhere. Frustrated at constantly tripping over it, I thought that dumping the basket out on his side of the bed would motivate him to fold them, but at bedtime I walked into the bedroom to find said basket-less pile on the floor. And I tripped over THAT, too. Sigh.
I’ve done the same thing. I walked into the bedroom to see a big pile of folded clothes on my side of the bed. Rather than take the hint that she wanted me to put them away, my brain perceived it as a misplaced stack. While I’m not Neanderthal enough to place them on the floor, I did move them over to her side. After which I was buried beneath them.
What a great gift idea! I have a suggestion for the sock dilemma but you would have to buy into it for it to work – safety pins. When the hubs takes off his socks, he pins them together so they don’t get mismatched or eaten by the dryer. Works like a charm! Now he wants his t-shirts separated and stacked by categories – sports teams, places, geek, bars, etc. I kept putting them in the wrong place so I leave them on the bed so he can put them away in the correct stack.
He wants his t-shirts separated and stacked by categories?
I can only imagine what Heather’s response to such a request would be. The world will never know because I don’t have the stones to ask.
The giving of gifts is really the measure of a man. If you aren’t a flowers and chocolate kinda girl and that is all you get on the holidays DROP HIM NOW !!! or at least use a taser to retrain him
My hubby always comes up with the greatest “gifts” , on my last birthday he finished putting up the trim in our bedroom. It doesn’t matter that he started it 5 years ago, all that matters is he finished it for ME. I love that man~~~
I’m with you Valerie. Several years ago we were remodeling a 1910 farmhouse. The huge soaker tub for the master bathroom had been waiting for installation FOREVER. I came home from work on my birthday that year and found the tub filled with bubbles and surrounded by votive candles! Best. Birtday. Gift. Ever!
You need to see this video from my husband. It will help you with your orphan socks problem. lol
btw-a wonderful ‘gift’ indeed!
~Naila Moon
oops…link
http://youtu.be/CGTACYGMhHI
As I was feed up with the overburdening orphan socks I tried something new. I threw them all away…all of them. (Yes I felt a little guilty)
But is was worth it. In place I purchased 2 packs of socks for each person in the household. Each person has their own brand/style, each difference in size=different sock.
size 12 months: solid white
size 18-36 months: white with gray toes & heels
*Hubby’s: Hanes, red letters
Mine: black
*he also has a couple pair of wool ones he gets to keep for winter on the farm, and the dress black ones for when in uniform
Easy sorting!
My Dad (who does laundry with my mom) always teases me about my socks. I have mostly white socks (some with different colored tips) and I still can’t bother trying to wear a matching pair every day. A few weeks ago he told me I was putting the same two socks into the washing machine every day and he wanted to know if they were my favorites even though they didn’t even MATCH. I laughed because I didn’t even notice I was wearing the same socks.
I loved this post and the comments. Sometimes you never realize how differently people do everyday chores. I always put away each load of laundry as it comes out of the dryer to avoid wrinkles, so no big mounds of clothes need folded at once. I also hang everything, except infant/toddler clothes. The only thing that goes into drawers is PJ’s, socks and undergarments.
But just like everyone else, I have a orphan socks. They go into a drawer until their mate shows up. Sometimes he never does…
Sorry I offended the comment filter… you can delete this comment after you review the one that it caught.
How do you offend the comment filter?
He mentioned the word ‘sex’. While I’m not a prude, its use is rampant by spammers so I block it as a precaution.
Thank you. I’m still learning about these sites. I had no idea.
Some blogs don’t care. Like, The Bloggess for example. I don’t think it’s possible to offend Jenny’s comment filter.
What a wonderful gift. This year my daughter called me in exasperation wanting to know if I needed a MD card? My comment: Absolutely not honey, you make me feel loved and wanted all the time. No card could do more than that. From my son: He said “Happy Mother’s Day Mommy” and his presence all day. That’s the 3rd time since he’s grown up that he’s called me mommy and that made any present he could have gotten me pale in comparison. *Sigh* its not about the cards and presents as far as I’m concerned. Lovely post.
As Erma Bombeck said, ” Every time you lose a sock, you gain a hanger”.
I think it’s great that you took the time to help with the laundry. I’ve always done my own clothes anyway, so that hasn’t been a problem for me, but I need to start teaching my older son how to do his. He’s getting big enough now that I think he can reach the washing machine fairly easily. And it’s good practice for when he’s living on his own anyway
Great post, Greg!
If you had girls, it’s an actual fashion trend to wear mismstched socks! I no longer match socks at all!
I gave up doing my daughter’s laundry when she was about 11. I’d take her hamper, do the laundry, fold the clothes and give the hamper back for her to put the clothes away. The next week, the same cycle would occur, but at the bottom of the dirty clothes were many still-folded clean clothes from the week before, which had to be washed again because dirty, stinky clothes had been piled on top. She became responsible for how she went to school, dirty or clean, smooth or wrinkled. Now she even checks care instructions on clothes before she buys them just to make sure they don’t have to be washed in a special way so she can keep her laundry life simple. Smart kid… I still forget that part when I buy a new shirt.
About a thousand years ago, when I was Mom to 3 toddlers, I developed a theory about orphan socks.
Apparently, washers and dryers require regular feedings to keep working. And their food of choice? Socks, of course. And they are not picky, as you well know..now.
I honestly cannot remember the last time I folded any piece of laundry that wasn’t my own. My time was wasted folding laundry for the other 2 people in my house. It would sit there or get tossed somewhere to wrinkle. So I just stopped folding. No one seemed to notice…..
LUV IT!.
I never fold socks. Just toss them in a basket and let everyone fish out what they need. If the basket is low, time to wash.
Of course hubby does not like the way I do laundry (hehe) I am always “forgetting” to swap things around and it all gets wrinkled. Sooooo he usually does it, wash, dry, fold and hang. Love him!
Socks…the bane of my existence.
Look at you Mister Man! What a wonderful Mother’s Day gift. I bet she hasn’t felt so appreciated in years! Next year you should take on the ironing pile…you thought folding laundry was a task…
Princess WeeWee
Wow. So, you did one mundane chore, decided that the system she’d been using for years wasn’t good enough, spent extra money on laundry baskets that will be used for, probably, a week, and given her now four to cart around instead of one, and sit back and think how wonderful you are to simplify her life. Like, she doesn’t know how to do laundry? You have to sort laundry before you put it into the washer… whites, delicates, etc. So all the clothes that are white go in together. With your shiny new laundry baskets, you’ve now quadrupled the loads because only one person’s whites can go in at a time, etc. Essentially, for Mother’s Day, you insulted your wife’s ability to do laundry, bought her three useless LAUNDRY BASKETs for Mother’s Day, and now tell the public on your blog how inefficient your wife is and how you solved all her problems in one go, while you actually just made a complicated mess of things. Good going. Just like a man. All that free time she’ll have? You’ve just added work to her load. In a week, the baskets will disappear and she’ll be back to the only system that really works, but now feeling insulted, having to cater to your ego so as not to insult you, and having to somehow make space for ‘all that free time’ to appear in her schedule. Time, I’m sure, you’d like to take up. Wow what a horrible Mother’s Day gift. Did you ever think that she’s happy with a rock because that’s all you’ve given her? What can she do to keep peace, say she didn’t want it? How about a rock… and a certificate for a massage? How about overnight at a special place and an entire day without having to cook, clean or make peace? Man, I give your wife credit for not braining you after you got into her space and then bought her laundry baskets for Mother’s Day. What a guy.
Wow. Based on the venom in that comment I had to go back and make sure the post wasn’t about stomping on kittens. If you’re going to let a post about laundry baskets define me, my affection for my wife, and my generosity, so be it. Some seem to extract pleasure from finding something wrong with even the most innocuous of topics. Although, if a humor post about folding laundry is the most controversy I cause, I’m cool with that. My advice? Next time you’re doing laundry, grab some bleach and lighten up.
Oh honey I think you need a hug and maybe some xanax or a shot of liquor whatever you prefer~~~~~~~
There is an easy solution for socks.
1) Throw them all away.
2) Pick a specific brand and style for white, black and brown.
3) Buy a lot of them. Never ever buy any other brand or style.
These are the sock accords. If a sock does not live up to the accords, I refuse to touch it. Oh, and I never ever fold underwear. It’s UNDER. Wrinkles are fine and folding is wasteful.
Wow, the amount of adulation in these comments is impressive. All for a half hour of folding laundry, once? If these women think you’re a saint they should see my husband. That man cooks breakfast every morning, dinner every night and does the dishes every day. This is because putting water on dirty plates makes me gag. So, I do all of the laundry and picking up and budgeting. It’s worked out to a pretty even split. And means that I should darn well get something that smells nice on Mother’s Day. (He always gets something that makes fire for Dad’s Day.)
did you want a cookie cause your husband was greater than ours???????
If so, her hubby will have to bake it.
JOKING.
You are THE MAN!!! I HATE folding clothes & putting them away- my hubby helps and always has.
Now that my kids are older they all do their own wash! I don’t mind folding nearly as much as I used to.
Wow, TellingDad, if this is what happens from one half hour of doing laundry, what might happen if you devoted a half hour to other household tasks? Tried dishes, floor mopping, vaccuuming, cooking?
Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that you’re trying to give a gift that’s actually helpful, but you aren’t DA MAN just because you did 30 minutes of housework. Housework isn’t a woman’s job. It should be equally shared between those that are capable (and I guess you are), and if you were doing that all along, then you wouldn’t be having these enormous laundry revelations now, you would have always known. And don’t you think Mrs Telling Dad would have appreciated the gift of splitting the work 50/50 much more than three laundry baskets, years down the track? That actually would have saved her hours of work.
I don’t do anything at all around here. My goal is to live off her labor and then throw a ticker tape parade for myself if I move a dish to the counter or fold a shirt.
Beyond that, I strive to do nothing. I don’t work 10+ hours a day, I don’t write, I don’t volunteer my time around town to various causes, I don’t shuttle children to various events, I don’t show up to support my kids at their activities, I don’t cook my wife special meals, I don’t shop, I don’t pay the bills, I don’t help her clean, I don’t do special things for her, I don’t put others before myself, I don’t clean out garages and basements, I don’t make breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks, I don’t read bedtime stories, I don’t vacuum, I don’t sweep, I don’t tend to the dogs…I just…exist.
Or maybe I DO do all these things and just felt the urge to write a sarcastic post about the one task I loathe. Thinking that people would see the joking nature of the whole thing and not obsess over it or take it overly seriously.
Shelve the “lazy man” insinuations. Sure, if you read this post without a grin and take it at face value, it’s easy to label and judge. But walk a few steps in my wife’s shoes and you’ll see who I am much clearer.
This and the earlier comment only bother me because they lend truth to the belief that people can find fault and issues with *anything*.
This household is most definitely a 50/50 shop. We each have our own tasks and responsibilities. There are things I do that she won’t, can’t, or shouldn’t. And there are things she does that I won’t, can’t, or shouldn’t.
Being together 24/7 since I work from home, there’s no shortage of teamwork. It’s a shame that I have to even explain this away after something meant as levity, but I’m not going to be perceived as some lazy jerk who feels he’s the second coming because he folded socks.
It. Is. A. Joke.
Tellling Dad,
I never said you weren’t funny, honestly, the post was hilarious. I smiled the whole way through. But believe me, I read stuff in a similar vein frequently, and those dudes are not joking. They think they really should be heaped with praise for thirty minutes of housework, because they’re convinced it’s not their job, and that their other half should be grateful for their tiny contribution.
And I note that in the comments you have been heaped with praise, so evidently, plenty of people think what you did was praiseworthy. Plenty note that their husbands don’t do what you posted about, and you had several offers of marriage over it (and I’m sure they weren’t serious, I do understand jokes).
But much gets hidden by joking tones, believe me. Trust me, as a feminist, I get told that I “just don’t get the joke” or that I don’t have a sense of humour frequently.
I wonder if you reversed what you posted, would it seem as funny? What if your wife had written the post instead? I bet you would have had heaps of “that’s funny, but you are so lazy!” comments.
I don’t know you, I don’t know if you’re lazy. But if even if all you say is true, from the ages of your kids, that is still a heck of a long time to wait before doing the laundry. That was all I was saying.
“I don’t know you, I don’t know if you’re lazy. But if even if all you say is true, from the ages of your kids, that is still a heck of a long time to wait before doing the laundry. That was all I was saying.”
I guess you missed the bit where he said they share tasks? For example, I clean the kitchen, my boyfriend cleans the bathroom. So it’ll be a heck of a long time to wait before I clean the bathroom! Because *I clean the kitchen*.
No, Frubs, I didn’t miss that part. I’ll admit to being new to this blog (got here via the bloggess), but I did note that Telling Dad seems to have been married for some time, and has more than one child. So during that time, surely, there has been an occasion when his wife wasn’t in a position to fold the laundry. Maybe she was travelling out of state. Maybe she was ill with a stomach flu. Maybe she was recovering from giving birth to one of their children. And on that occasion, which is extremely likely to have occurred in any relationship that is long/or includes children, surely he should have folded the laundry, not expected her to do it, or saved it for her to do later, when she was up to it.
I note that you “clean the kitchen”and your partner “cleans the bathroom”. Okay. When one of you travels away from home for a week, or is sick, does the kitchen or bathroom just wait? Or does the other do it? Wouldn’t you think it ridiculous to return after a week’s absence to find the kitchen hadn’t been cleaned at all?
Sorry I’m late to the party! I have some catching up to do, but I have been busy busy here lately. Greg, I love your sense of humor and the quick quip about bleach & lightening up. I *never* would have come up with something so quick like that. Anyone that reads you regularly probably already knows how much teamwork the 2 of you put in to your everyday lives. It’s a shame that some people don’t look at this as the lighthearted post it was intended to be, but there’s that saying.. “you can’t please everyone all of the time.” I personally think it’s sweet what you did, although, I’d be happy if everyone pitched in on their own laundry, and left mine alone..lol.
Socks are the worst. My mother had a THING about laundry…and darn her eyes I inherited it. I don’t like anyone else touching my machines. But I hate folding and putting away and sorting out clothes that don’t fit or don’t get worn or trying to fold king sized fitted sheets…ugh.
But my mother was (and still is) an evil genius. At some point…(this would be right around the end of middle school for me) she realized that me, my brothers and my father all wore the same size and kind of socks…white athletic crew socks. The sock basket was born. All the socks…except hers…went into the sock basket after being washed, bleached and dried. Whoever got there first got the best socks. Good luck if it was right before laundry day. This is also taking into account that I always wore two pair of socks for basketball practice and games. At any rate…the sock basket solved for my family the orphan sock problem. However it gave birth to a whole other problem, and that was the socks that my youngest brother bred.
But that’s another story, and it’s pretty gory.
Welcome to a woman’s world. Top tip; when your kids have finished wearing their socks, get them to put them back in a pair before throwing them in the laundry bin. That way you know they went in the wash in a pair and therefore any loss is your own. Another top tip; allocate a net wash bag to each child for their underwear and socks alone. Zip it up and put it in the washing machine. Then when it comes out, you know that all those socks and underwear belong to child x. Laundry made simple. No tips to reduce the amount of folding required though.
Man, laundry is the worst. As a 25 year old grad student I’ve gotten used to a lot of tasks that used to magically happen for me, but the one thing I cannot get behind is laundry.
I don’t mind sorting the dirty clothes. I don’t mind starting the machine. I don’t even mind folding the clothes as long as I have the TV or music or something. I just cannot convince myself to put it away. The drawer can be empty, open, and waiting for the folded stack of T-shirts in my hand, and I will still walk further into the room and put them on my bed. I think it’s a disease or something.
Also, the self righteous sarcastic comments are hilarious. I just can’t help laughing that someone would get that vitriolic about someone else’s husband and the tasks he does or does not perform. I say good on you for trying. It might not work precisely as envisioned, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from living on my own, there can never be too many laundry baskets.
I hear what you’re saying. I think I was just in a bad mood. A laundry hangover, if you will.
Your mood was fine. She took it to the outer boundaries as some sort of feminist project and neglected the humor in
which it was written.
I love your writing by the way and I think this post will save wives, husbands , children & socks everywhere.