SUBSCRIBE VIA RSSThree years ago today, my wife’s family endured more pain and anguish in mere hours than anyone deserves to experience in a lifetime.
It was on this day, June 8th, 2009 that the world lost three precious souls.
And with them, the laughter, the unconditional love, the innocence.
What started as worry over their whereabouts turned quickly to fear as the demon’s morning actions came to light. Not long after, the fear turned to unimaginable heartache and literal personal terror. Should you want the backdrop, you can read about it here, because I don’t want this post to be about despair or lost hope.
I want it to be about resilience.
I’m in no position to try and put myself in hers, but I think it’d be easy and equally justified to lose the desire to carry on if I had suffered the same loss as Marci. For days following the tragedy, my wife was inconsolable. She simply couldn’t process the loss of her aunt and the loss of her cousin’s two young children. She couldn’t suppress the wails, the huddled sobs, or the constant tears. But most of all, she didn’t know how Marci would be able to carry on. She didn’t know what to expect, what to do, or what to say when she arrived in Ohio for the funerals.
But it was at this service that everyone borrowed from Marci’s strength. No doubt the surreal loss rocked her to her very core, yet there she was consoling others who had come to console her. There she stood vowing that her abuser would never win. Promising that through her loss, she’d eventually find peace and rekindled hope.
And three years later, she has.
Just as she told her ex-husband in court as he awaited a sentence of death, he didn’t break her. He only made her stronger.
“Your intent was to hurt me. This, you accomplished.
Your intent was to take away those who meant the most to me. This, you accomplished.
And your intent was to destroy my ability to carry on. In this…you failed.
I will smile again. I will laugh again. And I will love again.
You may have destroyed a part of my life, but you didn’t destroy me.”
Today, Marci is married to a wonderful, devoted, and caring man. Together, they have a beautiful baby girl and another on the way. She continues to teach, just as she had before the tragedy, and she continues to be a rock for the very family that rushed to embrace her.
It was through this experience and through my desire to turn tragedy into hope that my Sweet Dreams Fund was formed. Through it, we take donated funds and purchase pillows, coloring books, crayons, and teddy bears for area domestic violence shelters. In the past three years, hundreds of these Goodnight Sleep Kits have been delivered in their memory (check out what YOU did), and I’m hoping to do even more by synchronizing pilot programs in other areas some day.
Today, I want to honor the memories of “Pal”, Macy, and their devoted grandmother, Margaret. And also the resilience of Marci.
Because just as she promised to do…She smiles. She laughs. She loves.
But more importantly, she has a loving husband and a precious daughter by her side.
And with them, the laughter, the unconditional love, the innocence.
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
I can’t begin to imagine how horrible that was. I lived with an abusive man, and during the divorce was terrified for my life–I was legally forbidden to change any legal documents (like my life insurance policy) until it was final, and he was a military trained expert marksman. Knowing the danger that he posed to me and the children was horrible. It took over a year and several versions of restraining orders for me to feel like I might be safe. I can imagine the fear Marci felt when she had to give up the children to him, the helplessness. I can’t imagine the horrible pain of losing your children and your mother. It’s a miracle she’s been able to recover as much as she has. I am so proud of her for her strength. And your idea for the Sweet Dreams Fund is inspired. You have doubtless made a difference to many children. My oldest was three when I left him, and she still treasures the blanket they gave her during her forensic interview to discuss the abuse. *hugs*
God bless her and her strength! And bless you too, Greg, for finding a way to bring comfort to those battling such horrific relationships and circumstances. What an important mission, to offer some security to the littlest victims!
So many prayers and much love to Marci and everyone who loves Macy, Margaret and James IV.
Bless your entire family.
I’m glad to hear Marci didn’t let that bastard steal her future. She should proud of herself for having the resilience to move on.
My heart goes out to your family. I know what it’s like to be with an abusive person and to be scared for your life. Fortunately, I made it out ok.
there are no words to help console. it warms my heart that she did not let him break her soul.
Much love to you and your family,
Valerie
I literally had goosebumps throughout this whole post.
I am in awe of your cousin (in-law). Just awe.
What amazing grace and strength she has.
Sweet Dreams is a great cause, and a terrific way for you to make a difference.
Thank-you so much for the update on Marci. I also lost a child to abuse from his dad. I am so glad she got a chance at a wonderful life. Even though her pain for the loss of her Family is still there. I know she’s a strong wonderful woman without even meeting her. Good luck to her and the rest of your Family.
I have no words. There’s not enough justice in the world for a man like that. I cannot even imagine the devastation.
I remember Marci’s words right after the verdict was handed down and I’m still in awe of her. I can’t even begin to imagine a scenario such as hers let alone how I would handle it and she has risen above it with such grace.
I’m happy to hear she has been able to find joy in her life again.
hope you and your family always stay happy ..
Her strength is a testament to her.
Peace to her and your family.
~Naila Moon
I can’t think of a charity more deserving of my money.
Bless her. So glad she found the strength to not let this break her. Wishing her all the best on her upcoming bundle of joy!
“You may have destroyed a part of my life, but you didn’t destroy me.”
I think this puts it best – and is a really important reminder for all of us. We may face incredible difficulties but the choice to keep living, and to accept that what happened was hard but doesn’t have to destroy the future, is entirely up to us.
The small town where I live is in the process of building a shelter. I think your idea is fantastic and I am going to look into starting something similar for the new shelter. 27 years ago I excaped. He too tried to destroy me. I didn’t allow it.
I’m so sorry Greg. I didn’t know anything about this. I can’t imagine the unthinkable horror of losing a child much less one murdered by their own father. I’m just sick, sick, sick. So glad you found a way to make a difference and what a testament to Marci. I tell you if it was me I think literally they would have to put me away because my mind would never wrap itself around such a thing. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
What a touching and beautiful post, and what an amazing story of resilience. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Saying a prayer for Marci and her precious family and yours. Thank you for the update. When I first read what happened a while back, I hoped and prayed that she would indeed smile, laugh and love. I hope her strength inspires many others.
Hi Greg. I stumbled across your blog today via TheBloggess. I left my abuser 2 years ago and am still in the process of fighting for the protection of myself and my daughter. The process has been exhausting and many times I feel powerless to protect myself and my child. Your sister’s strength and hope is beyond divine, and thinking of her has given me a boost of energy to keep fighting when I don’t feel like I have any strength left. Secondly, please continue to speak out about domestic violence, a sickness that festers in silence and miseducation. Victims’ voices are often silenced first by their abuser and later by their communities and court systems. The laws do need to be changed, and we need voices to demand it. Blessings to Marci and your whole family.
Good luck, anonymom. *I* am safe, but my children are not. I know all about laws that need to be changed. They come back covered in bruises and scarred, and CPS refuses to investigate. Minus CPS, the judge won’t move to remove them. I think about giving up at least once a month. It’s exhausting and horrible to be holding the evidence of risk and have no one care…if you need me, you can email me. I can’t do much but I can hold your hand. littleetain@gmail.com
I am inspired by Marci. I just lost my 2nd born child about 2 weeks ago to a very brief illness and I’m still looking for strength cos its almost like I can’t breathe each time I remember he is gone. I can’t even begin to imagine how hellish it must have been for her to cope through such great loss. I am happy she has found love again… May God continue to uphold her and her new family.. Good job Greg! It is well with us all. Amen.
Bless you, son. You have always brought strength to those around you. When you close friend, Mike, chose to leave this earth, you organized a memorial that took place at the school. When your friend, Penny, lost her life, it was you in the midst of classmates that brought stunned silence into remembering the wonder and love that she brought to everyone. When Lisa passed away so suddenly, you attended her funeral, and again helped ease the pain we all felt. I guess I’m writing about all this so your wonderful readers will know a bit more about your heart, and love for all life. And this continues today with the devotion you and Heather have for each other. She is a source of great strength, and Dad and I thank God every day that you two are together, making each day count to its fullest. Heather has brought you through many challenges with dignity, love and arms open wide. Love forever and always, Mom and Dad