Lock Box

by Telling Dad on February 13, 2012

As President of the PTO, my wife is responsible for, well, everything. One of the zillion responsibilities she has is to raise money at various PTO events so that the school can fund things like field trips, reading programs, and Family Fun Days.

With how difficult it’s been for her to fundraise in a community seemingly against it, it’s crucial that she protects each and every dollar earned. To do so, and to thwart potential thieves, the PTO opted for a 3-digit combination Lock Box.

Crooks are inherently lazy, and when faced with the hassle of trying up to 1,000 different combinations to break in, most would just move on to a less secure Parent-Teacher organization.

Unless they could read.

How NOT to use a safe.

Me: “Uh, Heather? Isn’t this the exact opposite of security?”

Heather: “That was on there when they gave it to me.”

Me: “It’s a Post-It note. I think they’re removable.”

Heather: “I didn’t do it. Besides, isn’t it taped on?”

Me: “With what? Magical tape? Magical impenetrable unremovable tape?”

Heather: “I don’t know what to tell you. I just left it. People need to be able to get into it and I’m not always around.”

Me: “Soooo…couldn’t you just tell those in charge that the combination is 0-0-0? I mean, if they can’t remember that, they shouldn’t be handling money.”

Heather: “It’s there just in case.”

Me: “Just in case of what? Even if someone didn’t know the combination, wouldn’t most start at 0-0-0 and then work their way up from there? My dad had a briefcase like this and that’s what we did when 1-2-3 didn’t work. At least it took us about an hour to figure out it was 5-5-5. And that’d be plenty of time for you to get the cops involved while the thief is sitting there fumbling with it.”

Heather: “Well, it’s still more secure than this one is:”

Me: “Is it?”

Heather: “Shut it. Why are you being such a pain?”

Me: “No, no, I think you may be right. It would take someone at least three times as long to open the combination box compared to this one. Six precious seconds that could mean the difference between apprehension and loss.”

Heather: “I’m done talking to you. I didn’t do it. It was already there when I was given the box. I guess I can just scrape it off.”

Me: “And forever entomb what’s inside? You’d be screwed.”

Heather: “I’ve told you before that I hate you, right?”

Me: “Many times.”

Heather: “Good. So long as you don’t forget it.”

Me: “Well, if that’s something you’re worried about, I can always go grab a Post-It.”

________________________

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

mark February 13, 2012 at 10:43 am

The real question for me is whether 0-0-0 is more popular than 9-9-9? The PTO owes you for your good sense and concern for the security of the PTO money. You’ve just won a small victory against the senselessness ruining America!
mark´s last post…Complementary not Complimentary

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Telling Dad February 13, 2012 at 10:46 am

I’d ask for a reward but now that I’ve outed their combination, I don’t think they’ll have anything to pay me with.

RobMonroe February 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

You did hear that the Syrian leaders password as 12345, right? Yes, the same 12345 as the leader in SpaceBalls!

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WilyGuy February 13, 2012 at 11:47 am

And where is that Post It going to be taped with the impenetrable, unremovable tape?

Now it would be truly wicked smaht to have “The Code is 0-0-0″ and give someone the “Delta Code” which could change. So if the Delta code was 3-2-1, you would simply add those numbers to the “Code” to achieve the TRUE unlock code, which coincidentally would be 3-2-1. Your numbers may vary, this is in no way the combination to the box or to any other box real or fictional. (unless it is by mere coincidence).

WG
WilyGuy´s last post…Stupid Lights and Traffic Circles

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Monica DeLaCruz February 13, 2012 at 1:07 pm

hilarious. i love her “it was there when they gave it to me” (which she says TWICE – which proves that it is a reasonable answer). also love, “i’m done talking to you,” and “i’ve told you before that i hate you, right?” these are phrases spoken by a woman who is clearly in “the right.” ;o)

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Karen February 13, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Besides the fact that someone could just pick up the whole thing and walk right off with it.

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Tanya Doyle February 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I spent the first third of this blog thinking PTO stood for Paid Time Off. It gave the post a whole different meaning . I thought maybe it was some family economic set up you and she had arranged, and she had been named president of what you guys decide to do with your time off. lol…

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Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity February 14, 2012 at 11:14 am

LMAO She could always get you a forehead tattoo written backwards so that every time yo look in the mirror you see “I hate you”. :D

And when did the PTA become the PTO? Is that an east coast thing?

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Audra February 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm

“Magical impenetrable unremovable tape?” That’s the best thing I’ve heard all day!
Audra´s last post…I dont post controversial stuff on Facebook. I post it here.

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Sheila February 23, 2012 at 11:00 am

Priceless. I hate to admit it but I probably would have said the same thing “it was there when I got it”. It makes sense, she doesn’t want to disturb what came before. all kidding aside, there’s no need for it to be locked in the first place for all of the reasons stated above, lol.

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