I just deleted a 22-paragraph post that explained my absence over the last few weeks.
Because it really doesn’t matter any more. The piece wasn’t funny, entertaining, or even mildly interesting. In fact, I think by the end of it people would have been staring at the screen shouting, “Uh, yeah. Life sucks sometimes. Get over it.”
And I have.
I’m moving on.
For those just dying to know what the heck was going on, here’s the Cliff’s Notes version of what I just zapped:
1. Our 4-year old daughter Kamryn gave us a scare early last month after my wife discovered an odd mass in her chest. My life stopped at that moment. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t focus, and I couldn’t find anything funny about anything in the world. In the time that transpired between discovery, ultrasound, and results, I was numb.
The only thing resonating through my brain was the recurring reality that I couldn’t lose her. All I could think about was the devastation that any bad news would introduce to my life, my heart, and my soul. The bouts of worry and panic really put into perspective the daily pain, stress, and sadness that parents of ill children face on a daily basis. I wasn’t even one of those parents and it was ripping me at the seams. I lost all motivation, I lost all sense of creativity, and I lost the desire to write. We kept the experience private as the unknown was hard enough to deal with.
The ultrasound ultimately determined that the concern is minimal. It’s not cancerous, it’s not a tumor, and it’s believed to only be caused by hormones. We’re told to keep watch and we’ll see how it’s progressed or regressed in the coming months.
2. In part because of Kamryn’s situation but mostly because of my failure in properly managing projects, I got totally behind on work. I was overwhelmed, overstressed, and as a result, I underserved my clients. I couldn’t in good conscious sit here and write funny stuff on my blog when I knew I’d only be further failing my clientele. To try and make amends for my poor planning and poor tact, I vowed to clear the majority of my projects off the board before I wrote so much as a word on here. After more than a week of 14-16 hour days, here I sit. Writing.
3. I needed to work on my design site. I have literally dozens upon dozens of design examples from my years in print and digital media, but no one would ever know. I had vowed to have my Engine1Media site and portfolio up by Christmas. It’s now May. With my project board cleared, I’m devoting this week to completion.
Intertwined with these three key reasons is a whole bunch of ‘yada, yada, yada’ details that, quite frankly, lend nothing interesting to the story. The simple fact is that I’m refreshed, reinvigorated, and lucid. Three key elements to any creative persona. So with that, I want to try the 30-Day Challenge again. Meaning, I’m going to try once again to write 30 posts in 30 days. No promises, but I do feel like I’m in a far better place and I know how therapeutic and enjoyable writing is for me.
I’m actually looking forward to this and I don’t think it’ll be a challenge at all. Your support has meant the world to me, as have all the search parties. Know that I appreciated the sentiments and the dedication, and hopefully I can repay all that with the written word. And believe me, I have a TON to share. These posts are practically going to write themselves.
I’ll see you tomorrow for Day 1′s post, “But I’d Have To DO Stuff.”
I can already tell. It’s gonna be a great month. It feels good to be home again.