SUBSCRIBE VIA RSSI’m so glad I never had to turn to Barbie for career inspiration when I was 12. Especially after catching glimpse of the “I Can Be…” Barbie series upon making what turned out to be a very wrong turn in Wal-Mart with our 3-year old daughter.
Kamryn has been obsessed with this anatomic marvel ever since we rented “Barbie of Swan Lake” from RedBox. If you haven’t yet seen the movie, I highly recommend you do so whenever you get the urge to torch 81 minutes of your life.
I started babysitting when I was 12. From what I understood of the task, you were supposed to hang out with the kids and play games or watch television for $3 an hour until the parents eventually returned to give you a ride home. The fridge was yours to raid and all you really had to do was make sure the house was still standing and most of the kids were still around by the end of the evening.
I was awesome at that.
I babysat for three different couples when I was younger and I found it to be the easiest way to score cash outside opening birthday cards. But it’s a good thing I learned all about babysitting from my mother, and not Barbie, because if I had ever caught a glimpse of “I Can Be a Baby Sitter” before I agreed to be one, I would have turned down the opportunity and missed out on years worth of easy dough.
If this is babysitting, then I sucked at it.
While second nature to me as a parent, the thought of monitoring children while they did their business would have been horrifyingly uncomfortable to me at the age of 12. I’m sure the kids I watched went to the bathroom occasionally, possibly while still in their jammies, but I certainly didn’t need to know about it.
Left to Mattel’s interpretation, you’d think being a babysitter is all about levitating toilets and spending the bulk of the evening in the bathroom. Not to mention the fact that Barbie is the worst babysitter ever considering the child has been propped on the toilet fully clothed. Although I suppose it’d make for one awkward packaging design if Kelly doll’s skivvies were at her ankles.
How much of one’s time is spent in the toilet when babysitting? On any given night, let’s pretend even three minutes are spent assisting a child on the toilet. THIS is what Mattel thinks best captures the essence of babysitting?
Why not show impressionable minds what it’s really like being a babysitter. Feature her with a television set, some fish stick TV dinners, and a gaggle of random toys that are tossed and scattered about the room. Maybe add in some spilled chocolate milk, a frizzy-haired frazzled Barbie, and a few sweaty children who are just coming off a sugar high.
THAT’S babysitting.
If you’re going to try and capture a job, a career, or an activity, focus on what best encompasses the experience. Like what you spend the bulk of your time doing. Not one miniscule task in the grand scheme of things.
Take “I Can Be a Pet Vet” Barbie for example. She comes with a cute little puppy, some grooming equipment, a scale, and a ginormous rabies shot. It’s not like Pet Vet Barbie is sitting there analyzing a miniature stool sample or expressing some mutt’s anal glands with “Real Squirting Action!”.
If our vet looked like this, all our pets would be current on their shots. Even early maybe.
Then there’s “I Can Be a Pony Doctor.”
What you get is a pristine Barbie (‘cuz working with horses is actually a very clean endeavor), a grooming table, a medical bag, and a cute little pony with a broken leg. What you don’t get is Barbie giving the cute little pony with a broken leg 50cc’s of barbiturates while an “Elmer’s Glue” Ken doll stands nearby with a fistful of cash.
This Barbie figurine is also featured in the "I Can Be a Hooker" play set.
I think what’s most disturbing about the “I Can Be a Baby Sitter” toy is that the toilet makes actual flushing sounds and even features solid poop in the toilet. When you press the lever, the poop flips up and gets covered by a small disc to simulate clean water. Over and over you can make this girl poop in the toilet. As though she did nothing else all night but watch TV and eat fish sticks.
And if babysitting toileted children isn’t fun enough, there’s always “Poop and Scoop Barbie.” There’s really no better way to deliver comedic value than to just copy and paste the product description. Sometimes, things are as funny as they’re ever going to get.
“Finally, Barbie has a dog that eats and makes a mess! Tanner the dog is soft and fuzzy and her mouth, ears, head and tail really move! You can open Tanner dog’s mouth and “feed” her dog biscuits. Comes with a dog bone and chew toys that Tanner can hold in her mouth, too. When Tanner has to go to the bathroom, Barbie doll cleans up with her special magnetic scooper and trash can. Poseable Barbie doll included.”
Life would be so much easier if our dogs pooped magnetic lumps of nastiness. Cleanup would be a breeze so long as they didn’t crap near our fridge.
Is it just me or is that dog eating its own poop?
But all is not lost on the “I Can Be a…” Barbie series, for they also championed such careers as Baby Doctor, Pediatrician, and TV Chef. Unfortunately, they also set these careers back 30 years for women and set men everywhere up for disappointment.
In the 1970's, Barbies had capris and full-length pants. In the 1990's, it was short-shorts and miniskirts. By the Year 2020, they'll come packaged just as naked as they end up anyhow.
When my wife and I took the kids to the Museum of Play in Rochester, there were cases and cases filled with Barbie dolls from yesteryear. Back in the age when Barbie seemed to do more than wear tight skirts and focus on the hottest makeup and fashions. The Barbies back then seemed to revel in a wide range of cross-gender career options. They didn’t aspire to be eye candy at traditional jobs or land themselves a Ken and a pink Corvette.
At the museum, we saw “Astronaut Barbie” who was dressed in a full-body astronaut suit complete with helmet. She wasn’t in a cocktail dress holding a tray of Tang for the men folk piloting the shuttle.
We saw “Doctor Barbie” in full scrubs and a surgeon’s mask. Not today’s “We Can Be Doctors” playset featuring a scrubbed-out Ken doll and his trusty assistant Barbie who was wearing high heels and a short skirt.
There was “Race Car Driver Barbie” who was covered head to toe in a fireproof racing suit. She wasn’t scantily clad in lingerie pimping out GoDaddy.
We also saw “Firefighter Barbie” and “Balance Beam Barbie” and “Gold Medal Barbie.” Each tastefully dressed and inspiring to young girls who wanted to be more in an age when men often wanted them to be less.
What happened over the last 30 years?
Even 1960′s “Nurse Barbie” came complete with a full nurse dress, overcoat, hat, normal shoes, and a diploma. A diploma!
There's hope, girls.
As soon as "Scientist Barbie" invents time travel.
But alas, judging by where Mattel is headed, I believe it’ll get worse before it gets better. Probably to the point where the next generation of Nurse Barbies will come with stripper pumps, misdemeanors, and a John named Ken.
It’d be funny if I wasn’t right.
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{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
I snorted out loud about the magnetic poop and the refrigerator…I wasn’t expecting that
I wish we could go back to the old days sometimes…when Barbies were dressed like a professional woman should be (not THAT kind of profession).
Telling the kids to quieten down because you’re on the phone with your boyfriend (and getting paid for it) is some serious babysitting back in my early teen-aged employment years.
Or so I heard.
Sigh. Came from a big family with only one income – we did not get Barbies. We got whatever the no-name equivalent was. I want to say “Margie”??? But…..their hair got chopped off and they got tossed on the closet floor just like the real Barbies did. One even got tattooed with a Sharpie pen. There were four of us girls in the family, and we really did not play with the Barbies very much. And….my daughter – she did not play with her Barbies either. Except to cut off their hair, tattoo with the Sharpie pen and toss into the closet. Genes, I guess. Those Barbies sure look different now!!
We had the pooping dog and Barbie. Keeping up with the poop proved a nightmare. I, too, thought it was gross he ate what is his poop. It’s insanely attractive to the bathroom-word-obsessed toddlers who find ways to fit poop into any sentence. Oh the future seems bleak. Why does swimsuit Barbie seem more classy than the horse Dr?
Hmmm, looks like pedophile Barbie. I never dealt with waste byproducts until I watched my first diapered wonder and that kid went like once in 4 hours.
Barbie is such an institution with girls, just like the green army men for boys. Incredible that most kids are just wired with imagination to know what to do with them.
WG
Wait…the poop and the food is the same thing? Eww! I’m sure my bathroom-humor-obsessed kids would love it. When my two-year old farted loudly and fell over laughing about it recently, I knew I was doomed!
By the way, “Swan Lake” is one of the better ones…sigh.
Wow, these are just crazy! I remember having lots of barbies but most had big hair and huge dresses. (It was the 80′s after all). Now barbie looks like for every career she is about to go out clubbing. Why do they need to take every uniform and make it look like a slutty Halloween costume?
Having two boys makes it a lot easier to avoid these things. Otherwise, I think I’d be annoyed trying to pick out a Barbie for my daughter.
So Paediatrician is easier to say than Obstretician? Use your big words, Mattel. Your big words.
Surprised they haven’t got Pastic Surgeon Barbie. Love to see those accessories!
Karen C
PS love the boots on Astronaut Barbie, trying to pretend she is so not wearing high heels under them. hehe
And I’m sorry, Greg but those shoes on Nurse Barbie are NOT normal shoes. At least not in any hospital I ever worked in.
We have recently acquired a slew of Barbies around our house (Kid Doctor Barbie and Pet Vet Barbie were shockingly easy to confuse as they came with the same accessories) and it is *driving me insane* because they are so…sleezy.
I’m pretty sure my vet (all 5 of them) do NOT wear high heels and prance around like go-go dancers (if they do I REALLY hope its just the cute young one who does. He would at least look hot doing it, but I digress).
The other thing I don’t get is the barbie dream house- can’t she take some stairs? Why does she HAVE to have an elevator? WHY!?
What I don’t like is………all the Barbies themselves are really the same. It’s just the accessories that make them different. A girl could have ONE Barbie doll and just change her clothes and accessories. But….oh yea….then Mattel wouldn’t be making a fortune.
My kiddo is also obsessed with Barbies, Greg, and while I loved them when I was little, I’m avoiding them like the plague, now. She currently has two, they were gifts, and I’m happy to report they’re fairly ignored.
She seeks out the Barbie videos when we’re in Target, Walmart, etc, and I refuse to bow to the pressure. Why do we have to have Barbie be such a … you know where I’m going here. *sigh*
This, this is why I don’t like barbie!!! And I completely agree with you.
How about the tattooed barbie that was released in November? There is nothing wrong with tattoos (I have two) but on a barbie? Hilarious…soon there will be Prostitue Barbie, Pole Dancer Barbie & Pot Smokin Barbie…and sadly, the costumes won’t be much different than what they are wearing now.
I learned a few things about Barbie today. On one hand I like the poop scooping thing because I’m currently trying to teach my 8 year old that her cats litter box has to be cleaned and I am no longer going to be the only one who does it!
On the other hand, Barbie looks to much like a stripped and has for quite some time. Why can’t Matel make Barbie a little less whore-ish and little more realistic? I know it’s a toy but when Barbie bends over and exposes her naugty Barbie bits for all the world to see…. well….. what kind of a message is that sending to our kids?
There’s a ton of hand-made Barbie clothes on e-bay. I wonder how much of a market there is out there for conservative (by Barbie standards) hand-made Barbie clothes? Maybe I should learn to sew.
You got paid $3 an hour to baby sit? Lucky guy! When i was 10 (in 1995) my mother would only let me charge $2.50 an hour! I usually got a total of around $7.50-$20 (depending on if they were generous tippers becuase they felt sorry that I charged so little) to sit around and eat pizza, watch cartoons, and play viedo games. However, I never would sit for kids who wern’t potty trained. Potty was not on my list of specializations…in fact I talked my mother into lettingme charge $3.00 for kids who required bathroom monitoring.
Barbie used to be a feminist…now she’s a fembot. It’s sad, really. Instead of showing girls that they can be anything they want to be, Barbie shows them that they can do anything…as long as they have the right accessories and makeup. Ugh.
Soooo, I bought my daughters Barbie’s this year for Christmas. First time. I was addicted to Barbie’s when I was younger so I thought it was about time I introduced them. When I decided to buy extra clothes for said Barbie’s, there was a pack of 3 outfits: A dress, a tank top and pants, and a skirt and a blazer. A blazer. No shirt underneath, just a blazer. While I assume it a marketing ploy to make you think that you’re getting 3 full outfits when you’re really only getting 2, it made me think that I would have to explain to my 4 and 5 year old why Barbie couldn’t wear that blazer by itself. It’s a little too “loss of innocence” for me to want to explain at such a young age. So I agree that while Barbie’s career endeavors are incredibly unrealistic, she’s also becoming a little too promiscuous for said endeavors…..
There is a laundry room barbie…
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0042ESHBE/ref=pd_1ctyhuc__top_sim_03_02
Though she does have a stylish outfit. I totally just bought the I Can Be Cooking Teacher Barbie *did you notice that none of the I Can Barbies use the correct grammer?* But yeah, as I’m a Chef *or going to school to be one* I needed the cooking teacher one. If you look at the package it looks like she’s gonna whack Kelly in the head with a pan.
This is one of your best posts yet! SO FUNNY! Did you buy her any of the Barbies?
If you’re not interested in the Mattel career Barbies you could always visit this site for other underrepresented cross sections of the population.
http://www.texasdolldesigns.com/trash.html
It’s sad to see what Barbie used to be and what she’s become. Unfortunately, it is not that surprising. In spite of the years of effort women made to achieve something akin to equality, today’s young women get their self worth almost exclusively from their appearance. And they don’t seem too picky about the message their appearance sends. It makes me afraid for my two granddaughters. Sigh.
This year I got my daughter a Bratz doll(Black Friday sale) because she looked less slutty than the Barbie doll next to her. Barbie looked like Playboy Mansion Barbie. We have the vet doctor Barbie and the Zoo vet doctor Barbie, too. If Barbie comes with small animals, then my daughter wants it. We also have some training pups from some Barbie set that pee on magical newspaper.
You’ve probably already heard this, but the original Barbie was based on some type of sex doll/ gag gift that the founders brought back from Germany. It was basically a doll that looked like an oversexed prostitute. They cleaned up her image a bit, and out came Barbie. (Don’t believe the innocent story that Wiki will have you believe. I’ve seen an actual interview with the founder, and have seen the original doll. She is hawt!)
So perhaps Mattel is just going back to Barbie’s roots.
But then again, Paris Hilton and the Kardashians seem to be uber rich and successful by just dressing like modern day Barbies. So…..hmmmm….
Fortunately? my daughter loves Princess and Fairy Barbies. The bigger the skirt, the pinker and glitteryer the outfit, the happier she is.
Then she takes off all the clothes, cuts Barbies’ hair, and dresses her in (clean) Kleenex.
She has a huge plastic tub full of neglected clothes, old tissues and shorn Barbies.
I wonder if someone put the kaibash on the liquor cabinet, boyfriend sneaking over and making out babysitter Barbie, and they had to substitute the poop supervising babysitting Barbie instead?
Mattel: teaching women to enjoy a lifetime of dealing with feces.
I remember teenage pregnant barbie. we all saw how that turned out [teen mom 1&2]
Why blame Mattel? If Astronaut Barbie was selling they would still be making her. Either the kids are begging for a doll that looks like a slut, or the parents are reaching for it. It wouldn’t surprise me if it’s the parents. Just like the salt and other stuff in baby food because parents want something “tasty” for baby. It isn’t for the baby, it’s to pull in the people putting down the dough.
On a practical level I HATED Barbie pants as a kid because you couldn’t get them on her (no spandex for Barbie). Therefore it wouldn’t surprise me if she dresses like a slut also because it’s easier for little fingers to dress her. And ultimately I see Barbie like I see Build-a-Bear. In our house Barbie runs around naked and the bear dresses like a dancing queen. Neither are terribly realistic but if I as a parent can’t influence my child better than Barbie I can’t blame Barbie when my kid is a crack ho.
As an aside, and am I the only one that noticed that the pony Barbie is comparitively about 10 feet tall? Either that or the pony isn’t even as large as a German Shepherd.
I noticed Pooper Scooper Barbie is wearing pants, and…does Pediatrician Barbie have PINK LEGS? Do they just dye her legs these days so she’s wearing tights as well as underwear?
I’m amazed at the contrast from the Barbie of the past to the Barbie of today. I guess I can hope my daughter will never have an interest in the entire Barbie empire, but it is likely that someday she will. Hopefully, however, I will be able to instill in her the knowledge that Barbie does not reflect the reality of the world.
On a lighter note: “Real squirting action” made me laugh. Spend enough time with veterinarians and you’re likely to be the victim of an anal gland squirt.
Apparently as a young kid I would chew the feet off of my Barbies. I then lost complete interest until tween-age, when naked Barbie and Ken did a lot of plastic humping. My great-grandmother sewed Barbie clothes for all her many great-grandchildren and I loved those, but they were hard to put on the dolls. I think there probably is an eBay market for hand-sewn Barbie clothes that are not skanky. You could even set up a storefront selling Barbie “upgrade” kids with things like real professional clothes, laptops, diplomas, whatnot. I would totally buy a plain Barbie with an upgrade kit. Otherwise, my daughters have to make do with a few Barbie knock-offs and lots of other kinds of dolls and stuffed animals – though absolutely no Bratz. I will set fire to any Bratz doll that enters my house. The Polly Pockets are kind of hilarious – my husband calls them the “little rubber hookers”. They could use some upgrade kits too.
I think there’s a market for Technical Specialist Barbie, complete with laptop, smartphone and a server with real LEDs. She’d even be able to wear jeans.
My question is: When will there be a “Tranny” Barbie or “LGBT” Barbie or even a “Pierced” Barbie. They’ve already got Tattoo’d Barbie. Considering where they are going with all of this, it would’t be surprising.
my “un-girlie” daughter loved Barbies and her younger brother loved the equivalent “Rescue Heroes”. they staged a lot of weddings between them. Usually based on clothing color choice, since the Heroes were painted. One weekend, there were about 20 pairs getting hitched. Which, I guess, is better than them just shacking up
Seriously funny! I have a 4 year old girl who loves Barbie and I’m hard pressed to find one with a skirt that remotely touches her knees or, god forbid, a pair of pants.
Speaking of…as I scroll through, 4 year old sees the pic of the Babysitting Barbie on your Blog and screams “THAT’S the one I really want!”. Sigh.
Hello,
I am a professional babysitter and i love to see that Barbie babysitter, i think dolls are very cute and i will buy it for my caring childs.
Hilarious! My 6 year old just got into Barbies. We found a reasonably modestly clad Paleontologist Barbie for her. Sure the fossils that come with the set are sparkly and pink, but they lock together like a puzzle, which is pretty cool. I wouldn’t buy most of these for her because I want my kid to know that no, you can’t wear open toed 4 inch heels when you work in the ER. Someone would hurl on your toes or you’d slip & fall in a pool of blood or urine.
OK this is stating my age but from what I remember, when Barbrie first came out, there was ONE Barbie and you could buy all the accessories, and she even had a wardrobe closet, etc. I think Mattel figured out at some point in time they could make more money selling the actual dolls with the different attire. Anyway, seriously, the Babysitter Barbie is a little scary. I applaud you for tackling the Barbie history lesson, lmao…..
Haha what a funny post never seen so many people talking about poop anyway i to just hope our children dont feed dogs their own poop after barbie teaching time, never watched the film and dont think i will also, the other annoying thing about babie is if you want extra items you end up with 20 babie dolls everywhere.
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