A Birthday! A Smart Monkey! And 13 Cents!

Today, my beloved wife had a birthday. And no, she’s not the smart monkey I’ll be showcasing later.

Perpetually stuck at the age of 29, we just celebrate Heather’s birthday like the movie Groundhog Day. Over and over and over again.

Being gorgeous and fit, she’s able to pull it off quite well, but that may change the day she’s the only 29-year old member in AARP.

I know I’ve said it countless times before, but I love her.

And I’m not just saying that because it’s the right thing to do when someone turns 29 again. It’s because I really, truly, and genuinely *love* her.

Right now, she’s upstairs sleeping…exhausted after yet another day of devoting her time to others. From sunrise to way after sunset, she was at Michael’s school spearheading a bunch of different events and programs. It’s a constant with her and she does so tirelessly, even when her endless hours are void of thank yous.

She does all of this for free. All of her time, even the occasions where she had to purchase things out of pocket, it’s a labor of love. For her, seeing the difference she makes and the smiles she spreads is thank you enough. I wish that worked in my life, but sadly, NYSEG and Verizon have refused to accept smiles as payment. Apparently, good cheer is worthless to stockholders.

I feel blessed that I’m the one she loves. But even more so, I feel blessed that I’m the one who gets to love her. It’s no secret that I married WAY up and there’s really no way to properly express just how much she means to me. Few are lucky enough to be married to their best friend and I don’t take any of our moments together for granted.

I apologize if my shmoopiness has made anyone nauseous. I just can’t believe she’s in my life. Even more so, I can’t believe she chose me to share her life with. I must be doing somethin’ right because even as marriages fail around us, I truly believe we’re stronger than ever. And seeing how our eventual age difference will make me her sugar daddy one day, I plan on clinging to her for life. I can’t wait to be married to a 29-year old great grandmother someday.

And with that, let’s embark on the worst segue in history. On to the monkey!

We took Michael and Kamryn to the Seneca Zoo yesterday since the power outage left us with nothing to do anyway. It’s one of my favorite zoos because it’s meticulous, part of a network of zoos that helps reintroduce animals to the wild, and a zoo that focuses more on education than exploitation.

Our favorite exhibits are those with the monkeys. Mainly because they’re always awake and active, unlike anything else with fur in that place. I have yet to hit a zoo that didn’t showcase sleeping lions, tigers, cheetahs, bobcats, jaguars, and snow leopards. It stands to reason considering cats sleep 23.5 hours a day, but just ONCE I’d like to see some proof that these animals are alive.

As we approached one of the monkey enclosures, we caught wind of a mama monkey grasping desperately for some green grass that was just out of reach. She’d stretch and grasp at the blades but they remained mere centimeters from her fingers. I watched in awe as her problem solving went to work. Because I forgot I had a camcorder on my phone as she dazzled us with her wit, I missed about 10 minutes of fence slinging. So, you’ll have to be happy with just a one minute look into her genius.

See what I mean? Man. If there’s ever a chain link fence between me and some Twinkies, I’m totally stealing this idea.

Because I’m short on time, let’s move on to the 13 cents! As mentioned in my last post, I finally mailed all 102 postcards today. As much as I genuinely loved doing that, I might think twice before doing that again. Remember how Walgreen’s charged me $.99 for the postcards I purchased? Well, these numbnuts sold me postcards that violate the US Postal Service’s definition of a postcard.

Apparently, they are both too tall AND too wide for the standard $.32 postage so they made me go First Class to the tune of $.45 a pop. The foreign postcards clocked in at more than a buck. In all, between postcards and postage, it came to $160, hahaha! It had been so long since I mailed a postcard that I’m only now emerging from sticker shock. Although I did have a blast affixing nearly 400 stamps.

When I originally went to the post office, they sold me the traditional $.32 postcard stamps. After affixing them, I handed the stack over the counter and the postal worker said, “These aren’t postcards.” Confused, I doubled back and she explained that someone had sold me ‘large sized’ mail. It would cost an additional $.13 a piece to mail them.

Believe me, by this point, $.13 is nothing. But they don’t sell $.13 stamps. Instead, I’d have to place two $.05 stamps and one $.03 stamp to each and every postcard. Otherwise, you would have all gotten a $.13 bill from the post office for postage due. I wasn’t about to do that to anyone, so the two of us sat there at the counter pasting stamp after stamp after stamp.

When you finally get your postcard, it’s going to look like the post office went bananas with stamps, but it’s only because they did. Here’s a preview:

Between the impending carpal tunnel syndrome and the rampant collusion between Walgreen’s and the USPS, you all owe me $160 worth of love, so I’m counting on you for the upcoming “Take Me With You” campaign. Keep your eyes peeled! It’s coming next week.

Seriously though, I loved this postcard experience. 24 states and 8 foreign countries? You can’t beat that. If I had a global map or if I knew geography well enough, I’d totally be pushing pins into our wall right now. You all made my day, for real.

And with that, I’ll abruptly close my random hodge-podge post so I can go snuggle next to the birthday girl. While she’s too exhausted to experience the One Shade of Greg, she’s never too tired for an embrace.

I must say, that between you, her, my kids, and monkeys that easily entertain me, I think my life is pretty much damn near perfect.

All I need now is for it to last forever. Much like Heather’s 29th birthday.

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