Well Played, DMV. Well Played.

by Telling Dad on September 7, 2011

When I went to the Department of Motor Vehicles this afternoon to register my fire engine, I knew better than to think I’d walk out with anything aside from more paperwork.

I know it’s cliche to pick on the happy-go-lucky staff of the DMV, but they just make it so dang easy. Grimacing behind the counter as I approach, their demeanor reminds me of the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. Hand over the wrong form or have the audacity to pose a question they’ve already been asked six zillion times and it’s “NO PLATES FOR YOU!”

I’m not sure they grasp the fact that humans aren’t born with the natural instinct to know which of the 867 motor vehicle forms they need to complete a transaction. We’re creatures of logic and we just need time to process the State’s tree-obliterating philosophy of “Why use one form when three will do?”

Yet still, they look flabbergasted after we bring them Form MV-51 when we should have completed Form MV-51b. Apparently, in our haste to try and cut our DMV visit to two hours, we failed to see the fine print that read, “If completing Form MV-51, please note that you will be asked to complete Form MV-51b instead.”

Had we properly selected Form MV-51b then we would have also missed, “If completing Form MV-51b, please note that you will be asked to complete Form MV-51 instead.”

The even smaller fine print says, “For all those wisenheimers who completed Forms MV-51 and MV-51b before arriving at the DMV, please complete Form MV-51c as punishment. In triplicate. Twice.”

I don’t know why I thought my experience would be any different but I called our local DMV office to ask which forms I’d need to get my new fire engine on the road. I was overly peppy, very clear, and expressed that I needed to:

a) Title the fire engine in my name;
b) Register the fire engine as a Historical vehicle;
c) Obtain Historical license plates

Engine 1 in all its glory. Just lacking some license plates.

In response, I was told I’d simply need to provide Form “MV-Something or Other”, Form “MV-Whatchahoozit”, the Bill of Sale, and proof of insurance.

I gathered everything she said I’d need and made the futile drive to the DMV knowing full well that she hung up telling her co-workers, “I think he bought it.”

It’d been raining all day long here, so as I passed through the cavernous Halls of Driver Purgatory, my shoes squeaked and echoed throughout the chamber. I feared unsettling the hens and proceeded to walk as slowly, as silently, and as flat-footed as I could to the shortest line. It wouldn’t be the right line, of course, but when is it? Placards displaying each window’s available services are rotated around like Musical Chairs so no one ever really knows if they’re in the right line until they’re told that they aren’t.

When it was finally my turn, I waited as the employee who was about to help me had a tussle with someone over the telephone.

“I already told you this,” she said with snarky disbelief, “I can’t look up your records over the phone.”

She listened for a second and then started shaking her head slowly while rolling her eyes as the caller annoyed her with a response that wasn’t “Thank you, your highness.”

“Sir. I don’t think I can say it ANY differently. I can’t…look up…your records…over…the…phone.”

She held the phone away from her ear, looked at the heavens with a “strike me down now, Lord” gaze, and said, “Do you have identification? You do? Okay. I need to see that. And it’s not something you can show me over the phone. Right? I need to know that you are you.”

She looked down at her freshly painted talon nails and quipped in a voice she’d use on a 4-year old, “Nooo…that’d be information. Information I can’t give because I can’t look up your records over the phone.”

This guy was ticking me off. Not because he had me waiting, but because he was irritating someone I had to soon deal with. Bear trainers don’t want to watch helplessly as some imbecile takes a sharp stick and repeatedly jabs the Grizzly he’s about to hand paperwork to, and neither do I. But that’s exactly what this caller was doing. He was poking my Grizzly.

He must have finally realized that no one has ever gotten anywhere with the DMV on their first try because she finished the call with an abrupt, “We close at 4:45.”

Wanting to get on her good side I squeaked my way up to her window and said, “Boy, some people, am I right?”

“We get all kinds here,” she said, “some people just don’t understand English.”

I was immediately at ease.

I explained why I was there and she perused my documents with pursed lips. She hemmed and hawed just looking for a reason to kick me out of queue and looked delighted when she found not one, not two, but three reasons to exclaim, “NO PLATES FOR YOU!”

I swear they get rewarded for this. She may be the sweetest little thing outside these walls, but here, she’s got her game face on. I imagine there’s a supervisor in the back room monitoring their interactions and doling out demerits if they crack a smile or were unable to force a different form upon the customer.

I’m sure bonuses are handed out in situations like mine. As their Frustrate-O-Meter whirled and dinged and flashed to signify yet another turn away, the magnetic turtle on her progress board was jostled forward by a proud superior.

I explained that the person who I spoke with on the phone said I’d need these documents.

“Well, she was wrong.”

She rifled through my paperwork again and said, “Oh, this is for the fire engine, right?”

“Yes.”

“You called this morning. I talked to you.”

“Okay. So I’m confused. Were you wrong then or now?”

I turned incredulously to the people standing behind me and could immediately see in their saucer-like eyes that they wanted me dead. I wasn’t just poking and prodding their Grizzly any more. I had now metaphorically ventured between her and her young.

“Neither,” she replied, “I didn’t know what you had here so it’s hard to explain what you need over the phone unless you’re here.”

My human logic gene failed to process her response before she continued.

“You need an etching of the VIN. Or, you can get a statement from a police officer that the VIN is accurate.”

“Wow. That’s weird. Does it say that anywhere? I thought I had everything in order.”

“Yes. It’s listed right on Form MV-51b, which you don’t have. You gave me Form MV-51. Let me print one for you.”

I wondered in silence why I wasn’t told about Form MV-51b when I called earlier. She went on to say that in addition to some sketchpad rendering of the VIN plate I also needed another document signed by the seller who lives four counties away stating that the vehicle was never titled due to fire stations being exempt.

I also needed new insurance cards because mine lacked the required text, “HISTORICAL,” which I would have known about had I also been told about Form MV-440.

In short, I wasn’t even close to having what I needed. Not that I expected to. Before I left this afternoon I told my wife, “Well, I have everything I need. Which means I’ll get there only to find out that I don’t have everything I need.” Uncanny foreshadowing if you ask me.

I basically went there with the intention of just seeing how wrong I was. You can never really get a straight answer over the phone, and certainly not an accurate one, so I figured I’d just plop a bunch of paperwork on her desk and let her have some fun with it. Batting it around until it’s close to death and then telling me what I need to do to resuscitate it.

Only I felt confident that I had everything the DMV required because she seemed so knowledgeable when answering my questions over the phone. Once faced with the premise that she erred, she adhered to her training and turned it around so it was the fault of the witless ill-informed driver. Earning double bonus points in the process.

Tomorrow I have the pleasure of driving four hours round-trip to get the last of the paperwork she assured me I needed (eight hours if you count the other Form I’ll need the seller to sign, a form currently stored under her desk in a folder named, “Operation Last Straw.”)

This entire experience is going to make driving this fire engine all the more rewarding when and if it ever happens. Hopefully that day comes tomorrow.

Who knew after all this that acquiring the fire truck would be the easy part?

The DMV. That’s who.

{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }

Roggey September 7, 2011 at 10:17 pm

I’m impressed! All this and not one F-bomb in the place… As for the training, I think it’s done a national level for all agencies: local, state, federal. The staff of several different agencies I’ve been in contact with this week have all displayed the same mannerisms and snarly tone of voice, no matter how courteous I am to them. It’s an attitude of “how dare you expect help from me.” (Luckily, I bought F-bombs in bulk.)

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 9:47 am

Courtesy just angers them. It’s better to cast out an insult or two when approaching. They’ll respect you for it.

Tonja September 8, 2011 at 10:24 am

Courtesy also tends to baffle them. They aren’t used to people on the other side of the counter being nice and compliant…at least not here in Virginia.

Kelly September 7, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Well, if there’s anything positive to say about this, you went into it with the right attitude. You knew it wouldn’t be your last trip and you basically resigned yourself to being ok with that. Better luck next time!

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Nicole September 7, 2011 at 11:40 pm

Kudos for your calmness, Greg! I look at the DMV much like you do and plaster a big ol’ smile on my face, remembering how much their jobs must suck. You had me snort out loud (yes, snort) with this line: “Batting it around until it’s close to death and then telling me what I need to do to resuscitate it. ” All I saw was a ferocious little kitten on the DMV counter top. Well done.

Enjoy your long drive tomorrow. The fire truck will soon be ready to rock! WOOOO!!!!

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Kate Switzer September 7, 2011 at 11:53 pm

Good luck! This reminds me of the fight we had with the Maryland MVA with a trailer purchased in Indiana. Indiana titled and plated it just fine, but when we moved Maryland said that the originating paperwork was printed on the incorrect color of paper. Trailers had to be printed on one of three specific types of paper. We spent a year of time, numerous letters to the manufacturer of the trailer and countless headaches to finally get what we needed. Hope your fight goes quicker than ours did!

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Nicole September 8, 2011 at 12:15 am

Oh my gosh, the color of the paper?! Ay yi yi.

Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 9:48 am

A year? You’re among the lucky ones.

Angel September 8, 2011 at 1:34 am

In what is rapidly becoming the never ending saga of our relocation from Texas to California…we had to get new driver’s licenses and retitle our vehicles within some insane time period of entering the state. AT THE LA COUNTY DMV…the thought was horrifying. Luckily, I had seen on an episode of Two and a Half Men that the DMV in CA allows you to make an appointment. So, I made one, went in and walked out with my new license and plates for my truck in literally 15 minutes. The nice lady behind the counter even asked if I wanted to keep my driver’s test for a souvenir of our move (I didn’t…but thought it unwise to tell her…).

Two days later, my husband made an appointment and took his vehicle down with all the same information I had taken…and had the completely opposite experience. He’s now on his SIXTH trip and still isn’t street legal…absolutely insane.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 9:53 am

Tell him it won’t get easier. They’re making up for lost opportunities after realizing that you fell through the cracks. It’ll all even out in the end, and unfortunately, he’s going to take the brunt of it.

Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity September 8, 2011 at 12:59 pm

@Angel – You actually got an appointment on a day that wasn’t a furlough day? I’m impressed. The CA DMV has done that to me TWICE. And 15 minutes in an LA DMV?? WOW. Tell your husband they’re doing it just to screw with him. Because they are. Did his car pass smog? LOL

And yes, CA makes you get your car registered within TEN DAYS of moving here. It’s INSANE.

Oh and the taxes/fees to register an out of sate vehicle? Raid the kids college fund. You’re going to need it all.

Some Stranger September 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Acquaintance just bought a place down the way from me in the Texas hill country and has started a real estate business here as an offshoot of his agency in El Paso. Spends half his time in each place with houses in each. Local deputy keeps hassling him about registering himself/his car here (started when he pulled him over for no front plate and asked where he lived and he should have said “El Paso” not “that house over there”), but he lives in El Paso half the time so it doesn’t make any sense to do that. Unfortunately, his primary driver at the moment is a yellow vette, so this moron has been regularly pulling him over to check if he had changed his registration and license yet and he’s finally given up and is going to do it, hoping that he won’t get the same hassle from El Paso area LEOs (reasonable bet, as it’s a bit busier and less provincial, but a yellow newish vette is still pretty memorable)…Some people just have a bureaucratic mind and it’s often easier to appease them than fight them, even if they are wrong. So he went the other day to do such deeds and they kept sending him home for extra documents, one at a time…

meg September 8, 2011 at 4:44 am

Oh boy.. I think a few f-bombs had to at least be thought of, if anything, the person on the phone poking sticks at your grizzly had to have brought on the thought! I think pretty much anyone can relate to DMV experiences.. well, except maybe the people that work there. Do you think they get a free pass or something when it comes to getting thier own vehicles / licenses dealt with?

I was thinking yesterday I should write about my trip to the DMV this week as well. My daughter, now has a learner’s permit. God help me.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:02 am

I don’t know whether to pray for your DMV experience or for your daughter having a permit. God can only do so much.

valmg @ Mom Knows It All September 8, 2011 at 6:25 am

I see that the DMV in NY is rather similar to the DMV in NJ. I make sure that when we’re going to DMV I visit their website and print the list of what it is we’ll need so that they can’t pull exactly this. And you’ve reminded me, I need to go there today to pick up a drivers ed book.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:07 am

What’s sad is that I did visit their website. I then downloaded each of the forms she said I needed. And I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker.

valmg @ Mom Knows It All September 10, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Just wanted to let you know that I went to the DMV office yesterday. All I needed to do was pick up a book. For this I got to wait on line for fifteen minutes, during which time I watched one older female employee at work. She had no charm, no smile and no personality. One man said “I brought everything that that woman over there (pointing at another employee) said I’d need”. Her reply was “well she was wrong”.

karen September 8, 2011 at 6:44 am

I think it’s time for you to move to NH. Yes, our DMV line can get long, but so far (knock on wood), and I’ve lived here 27 years, I haven’t had a problem with the DMV. We can even re-register our cars through the mail. However, I’ve only ever registered cars. When I buy my first fire truck, I’ll let you know if I have a lot of trouble.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:09 am

I had long wondered why New Hampshire was known as one of the most peaceful states in the Union. Now I know. No DMV frustration to get people all cranked up.

Tonja September 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

Most things here in VA are done online. You get your tags, license etc. online. They charge you an extra $5 if you go in to do anything. They don’t even issue driver’s licenses there anymore. If you a newbie, you go to take your test and then it goes online from there. They use your old DL photo and send you the new one in the mail. Downside…lots…to include it doesn’t matter if you’ve had changes or not to your looks, health, etc. Upside, you’ll always look young in your picture…even though you’re not the person the cop is looking at when he stops you.

kimi September 8, 2011 at 7:05 am

I’m laughing because I swear you’ve been to the two DMV’s in our town. I’m also laughing because we choose which DMV to go to based entirely on what transaction we have to perform! I’ve indoctrinated our 16 year old into this age-old tradition and he finds it mildly amusing. I am, however, still the one filling out the paperwork so he has the luxury of amusement. My latest foray, during which we’d expected mounds of paperwork, was an extension due to looong processing of our green card renewals (you think the DMV is bad – try Homeland Security – I just think we should bring them alcohol). It took 5 minutes and a sticker on the back of our licenses. What? I’m still not convinced we’ve been duped and if we have to show our licenses to the police won’t be dumped into the prison system with no return.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:10 am

You know what, I might try the alcohol trick next time. Although I think these ladies would more prefer Eye of Newt.

Melinda September 8, 2011 at 7:12 am

I’ve never gotten anything accomplished in less than three trips to the DMV. I’d rather do anything over stepping foot in that place. I hope you make it in 2 trips. It is like they purposely make it the worst experience possible. Good luck!

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Emily G. September 8, 2011 at 7:23 am

You really need a “like” button.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:11 am

Well, there’s a Facebook dealio up there. But, perhaps a Like button is good for those times when people enjoyed the post but aren’t ready to share it with others. I’ll look for a Like button as I think that’s a solid idea.

mommietojosh September 8, 2011 at 7:53 am

Someone rather famous in the literary world once chronicaled his trip to the DMV. His name? Dante. His book about the 9 circles of Hell is pretty popular, but what few people know is that there’s actually a long lost chapter to this book talking about the 10th circle of Hell – the DMV. Dante was prompted to write this chapter after many visits to his local DMV to try and get copies of the title to his chariot so that he could sell it at an auction. Dante too, felt your pain, Greg.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:16 am

Just think of the chaos if we didn’t have literary escapes.

Daddy Scratches September 8, 2011 at 7:59 am

You apparently wrote this very well, because right now? Right now, I feel like I just spent two hours at the DMV, and I want to run that woman over with a fire engine.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:17 am

Well, if you do, no jury will convict you. :)

RobMonroe September 8, 2011 at 8:44 am

Ha ha ha ha! Been there, just for a CAR! Bought it from my brother who had it titled in the same house. It was CHAOS in their world.

You should offer to do a charity event in their parking lot and invite her to sit in the front seat when you go back! :)

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Kristena September 8, 2011 at 8:59 am

Been there… dealt with that. I think the DMV enjoys tormenting us. My husband and I bought a car from Illinois (we live in missouri – on the border of St. Louis – 20 minutes from the dealership in Illinois). I gathered all my paperwork, drove to one DMV and the line was already around the building, so I tried another DMV. Went in and found out I needed a vin identification inspection (why… because it was bought in another state – and may I say… this is the 4th car we have bought from illinois and have NEVER needed any of this). So I go on my way to do this vin thing. Go back to a different DMV (one that is right up the street from my house) stand in line with my 4 year old and am told I need a safety and emmissions (why? because I bought it from another state – which doesn’t make sense – what the air that is on that side of the river, that we share, is different than the air over here?) – oh and the lady looked over all my paperwork and told me that i DIDN’T need the vin thing! I explained to her that the other lady said x,y,z and that was all I needed and she said ‘Well I am sorry. She was wrong! Maybe you should drive over there and tell her!” I almost lost it because 1. it is not my job to go tell them how to do their job, 2. why would I go stand in the dmv any longer than I should, and 3. I am not driving all the way over there. So I go get everything done that she needs go back to the DMV and the new lady tells me she is not sure she can accept my paperwork because the dealership did not sign the title right. I literally looked at the lady and said ‘I give up. I do not want my brand new 2010 car. You win!’

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:17 am

Your story is why people choose public transportation. Half the people on city buses had the same experience.

Connie September 8, 2011 at 9:02 am

Thanks Greg, now my blood pressure is up. Now be honest, did ya just once envision your fire truck flattening Miss DMV into a pancake??? Huh?

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terri September 8, 2011 at 9:02 am

i’m a customs broker (we clear import freight, nothing to do with sureties…) on occasion we have vehicles from overseas to clear through
customs & border protection. now…picture yourself at the dmv trying to register a car-from-another-land. i actually pity the poor souls who call me and start the conversation with “hi, i have a car coming in from…”
it’s bureaucracy hell and it involves pounds & pounds of paper work!

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Stefany T September 8, 2011 at 9:02 am

I had to giggle through this whole thing. I think it would be so fun to work at the DMV on those PMS-type days… or when my husband pisses me off… or I just feel like being a witch to people for no reason.

The DMV is truly the worst place to go if you need to get something accomplished. I am impressed with your patience and calmness!!!

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Deborah September 8, 2011 at 9:33 am

I live in rural Indiana… I have never had a problem with the DMV. Longest wait I had was 15 minutes. When I got a new car, I was missing one form and they called the bank on my behalf and told them to prepare it so I could pick it up and they could help me out. I picked up the form, they bumped me to the front of the line, and everything was taken care of. Hoosier Hospitality in rural Indiana does have its benefits.

I’ve recently lost 70 pounds and went in to get a new drivers license (not for the weight loss though it was nice to change that number). The clerk oooohed and aaaahed over me, telling me how good I looked. She got her coworkers and showed them my before and after drivers license and even asked if I was sure that number was correct because I looked so much smaller. I turned beet red and got all shy and assured them the number was correct and that I had 30 more pounds to go.

This is rural Indiana DMV.

I miss the city… I’m a Chicago girl. However, reading this post made me want to go hug my local DMV persons or take them cookies or something. I am abundantly blessed.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:18 am

Whoa. Compliments AND a fast trip? They obviously haven’t finished training.

Mackenzie September 8, 2011 at 2:26 pm

Oh man, same reason I’m thankful for the rural Indiana DMV. They’re always super polite, super complimentary, and ALWAYS helpful. I only remember good things happening each time I’ve visited them.

Deborah September 8, 2011 at 3:48 pm

Greg, if you’d like more stories of helpful Hoosiers, I’ve got plenty. Sometimes I back out of a store because I fear they will suddenly turn evil or something. A waitress spilled a coffee drop on me and the manager apologized profusely and paid for my lunch. A drop. I asked them to save it for an angry patron, but they insisted. He offered to pay for drycleaning too and I told him I thought my thirteen-year-old, paint-stained navy Hanes sweatshirt would be fine. (Yes, navy. You couldn’t even see the coffee drop). I left a tip for the waitress in the amount of the bill.

Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 5:45 pm

Heather went to Indiana University so I’ve heard lots of stories about how awesome Bloomington is. :)

Audra September 8, 2011 at 9:42 am

I have never heard the DMV described so well. I have had my fair share of unfortunate DMV experiences (more than 10 in the past 7 years, to be exact), but I think that next time I go, I’ll re-read this post before I go to mentally prepare myself!

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Audra September 8, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Now I’m sitting at my desk thinking about all my DMV experiences. Like my last two:
I got married and went to the SS office to get my name changed so I could get my new license. They said, “oh, no. You need to go get a new license first.” So I go to the DMV, wait in line, and am told I have to bring in the original, not a copy of the marriage certificate. I bring the original, I get my license. I go back to the SS office, but I need something showing my maiden name on it and my old license and my birth certificate aren’t valid forms of proof……… what? So I go to my doctors office, get an old bill with my old name on it, and apparently THAT’s valid proof. Bam. Finally, I have my name changed.

I get divorced. I go to the DMV, fully remembering everything I did last time, and tried to repeat it. They say, “no, you need to go to the SS office first.” I told them that LAST time I did this, it was the other way around. They said, “Oh, well things have changed since then!” (mind you, I was legally married for only a year). I say fine. So I go to the SS office and waahhoooo! I have everything I need and I’m in and out. I wait 2 weeks for my new SS card, and head back to the DMV. I wait in line, then am told I need proof of my maiden name, but my SS card doesnt count…….. again, WHAT??! So I go get my birth certificate. I go back, wait in line some more, and then my divorce decree isnt valid. They said I needed to get a copy from the court house. I told them that this WAS the copy from the courthouse. They said it wasn’t notorized. So I go to the courthouse, have them notorize it, go back to the DMV and FINALLY, I get my new license with my maiden name, for a grand total of 6 (SIX) trips to the DMV in one year.

Cheryl September 8, 2011 at 10:06 am

Well, not to brag, but to renew our drivers license or register a vehicle here in Saskatchewan, Canada – it can take between two and three minutes. Tops. There can be a line-up, of maybe one person – and chances are good that you know that one person anyway. And for sure you know the person behind the counter on a personal level. My daughter actually forgot to renew her drivers license one year. She signed the papers at home and I ran into the issuer’s office and did it for her. Yep – she did not even have to be there. Still only took two minutes. I feel like I owe our local office some cookies or something, just to say “thank you”.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:20 am

I’d give those in our local office some cookies as well if there weren’t a sign, reading: Do Not Feed the Bears

Brattus Rattus September 8, 2011 at 10:15 am

I tell them that I work for the government, too. It seems to make them melt in to an at-ease-ness with me. Like I can completely relate to them and the idiots that we call bosses. I have yet to ever make a return trip to the DMV after we commiserate. I get to do all the shortcuts and the backroom deals.

Totally not bragging – just trying to help a frustrated dad out. I mean the term “going postal” came about for a reason – all government agencies are full of long lines and maddening.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:20 am

Not sure what’s worse. Pretending I work for this government or jumping through all their hoops. Still debating.

Heidi September 8, 2011 at 10:51 am

Seriously, you aren’t on Facebook? I went to “like” you cause you’re plenty funny and fun and a genuinely nice guy (plus I identify strongly with your love of eating in bed) but you’re not there!?! I found out about the Bloggess there, and found out about you from her (yeah yeah, whatever, I’m here, right?) so why not at least make a minimal appearance that just links here?

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 10:54 am

Still battling with Facebook on that. I do have a Fan Page there but it’s like dormant. I wanted “tellingdad” to go to my blog’s Fan Page but they have it pointing to my personal page. Trying to get it changed but I don’t think anyone actually works over there. Once resolved, yeah, I’ll be all over it!

awesomesauciness September 8, 2011 at 11:13 am

You know what this is?

Pure.Comedic.Genius

Damn… I think I broke a rib.

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 5:46 pm

You know what this is?

A. Totally. Awesome. Comment!

Susan September 8, 2011 at 11:56 am

Hysterical. Seriously, can your readers get a group discount on things like:
new undies when we pee ours…medical attention when we crack ribs laughing… Just a thought. And BTW, I visit every day – you have a great attitude toward life.

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Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity September 8, 2011 at 12:44 pm

BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
***BREATHE***
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

You went to the DMV.

And got slapped back with more paperwork.

BWahahaahahahaha.

Better you than me. :P :D

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LeeAnn September 8, 2011 at 12:51 pm

After my re-fill of blood pressure medication……after the anger management class……..after fixing the shredder…..they sent me a card so I could rate my service from my last visit to the DMV. It caught fire before I was finished writing. At least you still have your sense of humor about it! Great post!

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Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 5:47 pm

Whoa. They let you rate the service? Believe me, high marks are frowned upon.

LeeAnn September 8, 2011 at 7:45 pm

They throw the cards right in the circular file when you mail them back, I am pretty sure!

Fyre September 8, 2011 at 1:08 pm

I actually found a way to trump the DMV minions last time I had to deal with them. Before going in there, I downloaded/printed every form that could somehow be remotely related to my vehicle issue…and filled out every single one.

Then, when I got to the DMV counter (having made an appt. to by-pass the hours long line wait), I put a few completed forms before the minion. Of course, I got the immediate “you don’t have form xxx or yyy”. Bwhahahahahahaha on them! I reached in to my trusty folder and pulled out both completed forms. The look on said minions face was priceless!

Of course, the DMV minions don’t give up so easily. Another minion was called in for consultation and I was informed that I was still missing form “pick-a-random-number-sequence-out-of-thin-air”. When I produced that completed form from my folder, you could have heard a pin drop a mile away. Every minion in the building went on alert. A supervisor was called over to consult.

Before the supervisor could tell me which forms I was missing, I pulled the remaining forms out of my folder and just told them to pick whichever ones they wanted. I earned the look of death from all the minions, but it was the most satisfying DMV visit I ever made.

Of course, now I’m afraid of all future trips to the DMV, as I’m sure they have a wanted poster up for me and strict instructions out to all minions to make my life as difficult as possible. Oh well…

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Meg September 8, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Bwahahaha! That, is amazing. I usually end up going overboard too, because I don’t want to be told I need to get more of this or that, but never went to that extreme..lol. That’s priceless.

Telling Dad September 8, 2011 at 5:48 pm

I heard about you. They call it “Pulling a Fyre” now.

Kassandra September 8, 2011 at 1:27 pm

So this would be a bad time to mention my last trip to the DMV which (in Washington State) took about 30 minutes AND netted me the PROPER thing I went in for (an ‘enhanced drivers license’ so I can cross the border without needed a passport since I don’t fly up there) with a minimum of hassle. I think the most trying moment was when they went to take the photo and as always I ended up looking like a deer that’s been snorting the foot long pixie stixs.

But!!! To make up for it- our DMV has all but 1 office in a four county area closed every monday (and they seem to rotate the one that IS open) and Thursdays? Just for the giggles they open an hour later than any other day of the week. Why? Because they can. (Seriously I showed up once at ‘normal’ time on Thursday ended up waiting an hour ONLY because they weren’t open yet and I wanted to be the front of the line.) Actually? That is the best thing I’ve discovered- if you can figure out when they open? Show up BEFORE they open so that you are there when they open the doors. Not generally more than 2 or 3 people in front of you in line then. :)

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Some Stranger September 8, 2011 at 2:30 pm

Nice firetruck. I bought a Jensen car out of Oregon and drove it around for a long time here in Texas on the Oregon plates because I had to get a VIN check to make sure it wasn’t stolen and that meant making an appointment with the one auto theft detective, who seemed to be constantly busy but they wouldn’t let any other local LEO do the VIN check. Oh well. Nobody stopped me on the Oregon plates even after they expired, probably because they wouldn’t have known what to look for anyway, but was a hassle. I has all my paperwork in order but needed the detective to take the time to do his part.

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carole September 8, 2011 at 4:02 pm

Hilarious. You could have been in any DMV office in Houston…

I gathered everything she said I’d need and made the futile drive to the DMV knowing full well that she hung up telling her co-workers, “I think he bought it.
Still laughing as I type this…

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Theda September 8, 2011 at 6:35 pm

To register our NM car in NY it took us 4 trips and 7 calls to the DMV. Each time I explained the situation in great detail, and yet each time I was told something new. Trips 3 & 4 were the same day, not 1 one apart, and when I came back the 4th time they tried to tell me the form in which I was providing the documentation was not acceptable, even though I showed them the exact documents (minus a signature) one hour later AND a supervisor wrote on the bottom that everything was acceptable once the signature was obtained. Took the person 20 minutes, and talking to 3 people for it to be accepted. Insanity.

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Cho September 8, 2011 at 10:08 pm

Oh my. I don’t think I would have been able to contain myself after she admitted to be the one you spoke to on the phone. And her claiming she wasn’t wrong either then or now AFTER JUST SAYING whoever you spoke to on the phone was wrong? I probably would have been too astonished to carry on the conversation.

This whole thing gave me the gigglefits/brought up nightmarish memories of my own at the DMV. Hahaha.

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Patti September 9, 2011 at 3:56 pm

Ah, yes, the old vin number black hole. Sketch it and they’ll ask for a witness.
:) Patti

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Jen-Eighty MPH Mom September 13, 2011 at 11:16 am

UGH…this doesn’t surprise me at all. I always call first to find out what I will need, only to be told that I am missing forms. Never fails. I despise DMV!

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Joe September 22, 2011 at 4:52 pm

I have never had to go to the dmv more than once for any issue. I’ve had to wait a few hours, but I started to bring reading materials (2-3 letters of an encyclopedia set, The Collective works of Plato/Aristotle, etc.) and made the trip productive.

*Prepares for the impending hate*

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