Free Vicodin Giveaway!

by Telling Dad on August 24, 2011

The surgeon performing my hernia operation next week handed me some sort of coupon today that’s valid for six Vicodin pills.

Fully aware of the “wink wink” blogger/manufacturer relationship game, I can only assume that one of the pills is for me to review and the rest are to be used as giveaways to help foster brand loyalty.

Having never done a giveaway or written a product review on this blog before, I had to visit a few giveaway sites as reference. From what I can gather, the typical freebie format seems to be:

1. Write an opening statement that includes a personal product-related anecdote
2. Describe the product in as flowery a manner as possible
3. Provide a number of hoops that people can jump through to gain entries
4. Pacify hard-up governmental officials with an obligatory disclaimer

1. Personal Vicodin-Related Anecdote
The word “Vicodin” can be traced back to Ancient Greece where it was believed that Vico, the God of Amnesic Sleep, would feast on mystical herbs and potions for din-din.

Primarily used to suppress heavy pain, Vicodin is a tablet containing a combination of acetaminophen and hydrocodone. Independently, these substances serve no purpose. But when combined, they inspire YouTube videos and more forged documents than the congressional literary masterpiece, “Operation Smack Attack: Why Iraq is Wack.”

The first and last time I ever took Vicodin was after a snippage procedure in my nether regions. I remember taking a pill and giggling as a warm and fuzzy sensation began to blanket the pain. It was then that I realized both the benefit and the danger of this miraculous little white pill. Along with Vicodin comes a great responsibility. Knowing I wasn’t the best man for the job, I put the leftovers up for adoption on Craigslist to make sure they went to a good home.

And now, YOU can be that good home as I’ll be selecting five lucky winners for this giveaway!

2. Describe Vicodin in a Flowery Manner
It’s Vicodin. Millions of misdemeanors and felonies can’t be wrong.

3. Entry Hoops
Mandatory entry: Leave a comment below explaining why you deserve to score some Vicodin.

For additional entries, you can do any of the following:

1. Follow @tellingdad on Twitter.

2. Tweet out the following: “Win free Vicodin from @tellingdad! Valued at over 3-6 mandatory! http://bit.ly/qjkG7C”

3. Defend me in the comments section from people who can’t take a joke.

4. Pledge $5 in bail money for my impending “Intent to Distribute” hearing.

5. Pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time while singing “Oklahoma.”

6. Say the following three times fast: “She sells sea shells down by the sea shore stuffed with Vicodin.”

7. Besiege Twitter with contest entries. If people aren’t unfollowing you, you’re not doing it right.

8. Answer the following correctly: “If Frank has 46 Vicodin pills and Henry steals 9 of them, how many years will Frank serve for maiming Henry?”

4. Giveaway Disclaimers
Due to an apparent governmental frowning on the distribution of prescription drugs through the mail, the exchange must take place at the corner of West and Main behind the alley. Look natural.

FTC Disclaimer: In the interest of full disclosure, these pills were given to me for the apparent benefit of this giveaway. I cannot assume otherwise for I was not explicitly told, “Dude, don’t give these away.” I was not paid for this post but I was compensated in the form of a future Pink Floyd-ish experience while laying on the couch with my filleted abdomen.

DEA Disclaimer: If sharing pills amongst friends is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Nor do I want to be in prison. So please alert your superior that this is all written in jest. I should tell you now that if I’m ever brought in for questioning, there’s no one I can turn in for leniency. The only dealer I’ve ever scored dope from is Walgreen’s.

USPS Disclaimer: Hypothetically speaking, and entirely based on a completely fabricated level of feigned interest, what is the postage requirement of a single Vicodin pill? Furthermore, is “happy vitamin” an acceptable description of contents?

Vicodin Disclaimer: It’s important for you to know the warning signs of a possible Vicodin overdose. Symptoms include loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, stomach pain, sweating, and confusion or weakness. Please note that these symptoms can also mark the sign of a first date.

Left untreated, later symptoms may include pain in your upper stomach, dark urine, and the yellowing of your skin or the whites of your eyes. If you experience these symptoms, you’re either having an adverse reaction to the Vicodin or you are morphing into a Zombie. If the former, dial 911. If the latter, stand near the relative with the tastiest brain and wait.

Good Luck!
Big thanks to my surgeon for providing the Vicodin prescription that made this giveaway possible. Contest ends upon my arraignment. Due to legal restrictions, this prize can only be awarded to those who have the same name as me. Or a passable fake I.D.

Please note: I reserve the right to rescind this giveaway should the fact that I’m being sliced on both sides of my abdomen, stuffed with mesh, and then sutured with metal staples cause anything even remotely recognizable as pain.

UPDATE: Sorry about some of your comments being late to the party. WordPress flagged most of the comments for spam. Must be the subject matter. I’m probably really screwing up Askimet by approving all these.

{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }

Bobbie {OneScrappyMom} August 24, 2011 at 4:45 pm

LMFAO!! This is hilarious!! I hope I am a lucky winner!

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Jaime August 24, 2011 at 4:57 pm

If you’ve read my latest post then you know I suffer from terrible lack of coordination and possibly horrible writing skills… Both of which might benefit from some vicodin…

If that doesn’t work… How about helping fund (by sending me vicodin) a study to determine the effects of bacon consumption while under the influence of vicodin. Does vicodin enhance or detract from my bacon experience? Do I eat more or less bacon after having taken vicodin.

I think I might be on to something…… I don’t know what exactly… Maybe I could figure it out if I had some vicodin.

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LGalaviz August 24, 2011 at 5:13 pm

My doctor gave me some samples of blood pressure pills. I didn’t know it was only because she wanted me to promote them on my blog. I feel so used.

Oh well… I had better get started on that flowery description.

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Monique August 24, 2011 at 5:46 pm

I got 5 on it!

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Kerri August 24, 2011 at 6:00 pm

First of all, you should be scoring your pills from CVS, not Walgreens… not that you doing that would pad my retirement fund or anything… I’m just staying.

Second, I totally got your back with the $5 for bail. Completely worth it just to see the outcome of this fun little giveaway.

And finally, if I’m one of the lucky winners, I’d gladly donate it back to your pain-free fund. Vicodin makes me pukey so I won’t be ingesting it, but I’d bet more than the aforementioned $5 that you’ll be begging for as many of those little white trips to euphoria as you can get for at least a few days following your big day. (Good luck with that BTW!)

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LeeAnn August 24, 2011 at 6:23 pm

I agree with Kerri; I would hang onto them if I was you……and thankfully I am not!…… The two incisions and mesh thing doesn’t sound all that pleasant, vicodin or not! But a few of those pills and you will forget all about it.

Rebel Chick Jenn August 24, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Wait, I’m confused.
I want some Vicoden!

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Nicole August 24, 2011 at 6:54 pm

This is fantasmic. Rock on. I would post this to my Facebook but my family is on there…and they are shady midwestern idiots that would try to email you asking if you are ‘fer realz’

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Rhea August 24, 2011 at 7:42 pm

OOH! I love Vicodin! Pick me! Pick me!

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Lacey August 24, 2011 at 7:43 pm

I don’t need the Vicodin but I will pledge the $5 to your bail fund because the world lacks a sense of humor these days and if you get put in jail, who’s going to attempt to give the blogosphere drugs via giveaway?
No one, that’s who!

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Melinda August 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Finally a blogger that gives something good away. It’s too late for me. I needed it last night after filling out three sets of school paperwork.

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Delfin Joaquin Paris III August 24, 2011 at 8:14 pm

As an alcoholic and addict (in recovery), who attends AA every morning before work – no shit – I really ought to be the winner.

Why? Because nobody can really appreciate Vicodin like an addict. Enough said.

(also I promise not to take all six at once – wait… I can’t promise that.)

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Holly August 24, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Hahahahahahaha!

I did all of them. Give me as many entries as possible. ;)

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meg August 24, 2011 at 8:22 pm

Damn, just 1 too many hoops for me to remember, I’m sure! And btw.. best of luck on the upcoming slice & dice.. maybe you actually want to hang on to the samples, just in case..

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wendy August 24, 2011 at 8:24 pm

{If sharing pills amongst friends is wrong, I don’t wanna be right}
hahahahahahaha… You are my new favorite person.

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Eric August 24, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Read any of my blog posts about my father. I EARNED that Vicodin! What time should I meet you?

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Mackenzie August 24, 2011 at 10:26 pm

I DESERVE THE VICODIN BECAUSE–

No, actually, I just had a tooth removed, and before my tooth was removed (when it was abscessed) they wrote me a prescription for 24 vicodin. That I never took. And then after my tooth was removed, they wrote me as script for 24 more.

…So if you’d like to add 48 more vicodin to your contest…

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Henrietta August 25, 2011 at 1:30 am

Oh…no Vicodin for me! that stuff is wicked, now if you had an ativan or two, then we could talk ;)

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Henrietta August 25, 2011 at 1:31 am
TurnScoot August 25, 2011 at 2:57 am

Vitamin V makes the angry go away.. so .. i think you should share… or you may end up feeling the guilt of knowing that your unsharing has caused the angry to take over.
also..
Answer the following correctly: “If Frank has 46 Vicodin pills and Henry steals 9 of them, how many years will Frank serve for maiming Henry?”
That answer is 10 years, 8 years served will grant him parole.. he can get out in 5 with good behavior.

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meredith August 25, 2011 at 3:04 am

I hope your operation goes well and that you don’t wake up in jail :)

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Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy August 25, 2011 at 3:04 am

Mmmmm…Vicodin.

So does this mean I can enter for everyone in my house…you know to quadruple my chances? I have email addresses for everyone! ;)

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Robin @ Blommi August 25, 2011 at 6:40 am

I will throw in some Colace, as a bonus prize, so things might l go a little easier for you. ;)

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trisha August 25, 2011 at 7:06 am

im laying in hospital on two demerol, one 800 ibprofin, and an ambien….your vicadin is useless here. lol

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mommietojosh August 25, 2011 at 7:29 am

Vicodin is your friend. And after your surgery, you’re gonna need friends. As much as I would love to win your giveaway, you may want to consider holding on to those.

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Rob August 25, 2011 at 9:43 am

I tweeted out your giveaway. Hopefully I am one of the lucky winners because your prize rocks and plus I never enter giveaways. Wish me luck, LOL.

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CJ August 25, 2011 at 10:05 am

Having been the slicee more times than I care to recall, I’m betting it’s going to be you on the corner of West and Main lookin’ to score.

Especially if you only got 6 of those babies. Six might get you through a couple of days, but after that…..

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Megan August 25, 2011 at 10:21 am

Bahahahahahaha! Pick me! I’m the only girl in an all male house. Calgon can’t take me to the places I’m sure Vicodin can. lol

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Stefany T August 25, 2011 at 8:19 pm

LMAO! This is the best “giveaway” ever! :)

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Faythe August 25, 2011 at 8:54 pm

I have a feeling you will need those little love pills after your “date” with the doc… but if not here is my flowery 1st part of all parts entry…

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
Vicoden makes you gigglily
and fuzzy feeling too!

very original I think!
so I should win…

if it is the generic garbage can we take 2???

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Shop with Me Mama (Kim) August 25, 2011 at 10:57 pm

Count me in and my sister too!!! Oh, and my brother and mom too! Wait, my dad and uncle too (and maybe our dog??)

LMAO! Love this post!

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DEA Agent McLanahan O'Reily August 26, 2011 at 12:07 am

Sir, I regret to inform that you are under investigation for 78 Felony counts stemming from your lack of concern for “Our War on Drugs” We will be busting in your doors at 4:42am tomorrow morning, as well as those mommy/daddy bloggers that have responded. We are really sorry about your surgery and hope you make a full recovery, we do understand Dory needs you. We can NOT however have you doing giveaways of this sort. I understand ipdad2′s are popular this time of year, with the kids going back to school & all. See you in the morning.
Respectfully,
Agent O’reily Mclanahan Stabler Benson Munch

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Telling Dad August 26, 2011 at 12:41 am

Ya know, if y’all did a better job on the war on drugs you could probably upgrade from AOL email. I’ll explain it when you get here.

eddiew May 29, 2012 at 5:06 pm

This is great .one stop shop for my med

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eddiew May 29, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Finally inexpensive way to get my meds

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lagena July 25, 2012 at 10:55 pm

i need them i have no incurence no job and i get mindgrains all the time runs in family

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Watson @ pain pills December 27, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I like your take as of how the name Vicodin came into existence. From what I was told VI stands for the roman number 6, and Codin for Codeine. Vicodin was supposedly 6 times stronger then codein

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babygirl December 28, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I do not understand why people make websites like this if it isn’t true.what is the point.is it that y’all have to much time on your hands or what.I wish that this was a real website where you could get free pills because I could really use them,for this really bad toohach that I have,because nothing is working.

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DEA AGENT OREILLY MCLANAHAN BENSON STABLER December 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

It’s a JOKE. This website is intended for HUMOR. And yes, we have to make time for humor in our lives with all the depressing, sadness in the news. If you’re in that much pain you need to see a legitimate doctor and not google “free Vicodin”. Talk about a waste of time.

Hope you feel better.

TARITA March 24, 2013 at 11:48 am

HELLO , I WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE TWO OF YOUR VIKODEN FREE I USE IT FOR PAIN SOMETIME IT REALLY HELPS.

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kay johnson May 27, 2013 at 9:38 pm

I feel in deserving of vicodin becuz I broke my ankle in two places & need surgery besides I cant have ibuprofen highly allergic I also have deterioration of 2 discs and always in pain plus I wud pay $20 to help

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tommy hewitt August 14, 2013 at 7:18 pm

how do i get the free vicodin please let me no asap

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LeeAnn August 24, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Thank God for drugs!

Reply

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