SUBSCRIBE VIA RSSI do my best to bite my tongue and restrain the snarkiness that seems to pervade so many blogs these days but Single Dad Laughing is making it difficult for me. It’s a weird thing. I have great respect for him, for his writing, and for what he’s been able to achieve, but I also feel my insides twisting like a pretzel if I ingest too much of his verbiage at once.
I don’t dislike him, heck, I haven’t even met him. I’m also not here to cast judgment or just bad mouth the guy like I’m sitting in some beauty parlor. All I want to offer is some tough love perhaps. While his pleas have elicited frufru responses and campire jamboree-like reactions, I think he needs another perspective. I don’t have all the answers but I’m no stranger to the bridges he’s crossed.
For those unaware, Dan, of Single Dad Laughing, wrote a post entitled “The Disease Called Perfection” shortly after starting his blog. It’s a solid piece, well-written, applicable, and inspiring. Predictably, the post went viral on Facebook, and as a result, he shot like a rocket up the metric charts.
This made people love him. But it also made people hate him. He endured accusations of being a fraud, of inflating his numbers, all kinds of juvenile antics fueled entirely by jealousy. The man earned his discovery through his writing and I don’t think anyone had the right to try and tear into him because of it.
But on the heels of his new-found popularity, I think he was blinded by grandiose dreams of blogging riches. After all, he’d just hit the traffic jackpot. What I think he failed to realize is that just because you hit the elusive jackpot, this doesn’t mean your next pull is going to have the same result. Or the next pull. Or the next. Or even the next.
Still, following all the hub bub over his marquee post, he made the life decision to quit his full-time job cold turkey and pursue his dream of turning his blog into what few have been able to accomplish. He wanted it to become his profit center. He wanted his writing to be his source of income. You know what? So do I. But there are very few wealthy writers out there who don’t write about vampires and wizards.
I don’t begrudge anyone their dreams and I think it’s awesome that he believed so strongly in his ability that he was willing to sacrifice everything to pursue them. The problem is that I don’t think a lot of thought was given to the fact that the other responsibilities in his life weren’t going to pause while he tried to make it happen.
Eliciting an Army of new fans to assault the Inbox of Oprah and Ellen is awesome in theory but when it’s complemented by a slew of other “do this for me” requests, I just feel it edges on the appearance of desperation. If Ellen were to ever make that call to me, which she won’t, I wouldn’t want her motivation to be the result of solicitation by those doing me a solid. I want any fame or readership I garner to be based on natural discovery. It’s a lot slower, but I do believe the expectations are lower that way. If being myself isn’t enough for people to take notice, then so be it.
Dan seems to have a knack for channeling into the sappy genes of his readers. Like a well-trained emotional surgeon he’s able to reach into the depths of people’s heads and stimulate the tear ducts. I call it the T-Spot. It’s real. He’s proven it. Often overly shmoopy and smarmy, he makes no qualms about sharing how often he cries with his readers.
Understand that I’m not saying a grown man shouldn’t cry. I’m just saying that a grown man shouldn’t be so willing to share every single tear he sheds. I’m already a little nauseous from all the sugar in his sentences so it makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit when I see people commenting how they “also shed tears so that his weren’t lonely.”
Barf.
Quite honestly, the ambiance of his site reminds me a lot of Brenden Fraser’s character in the movie “Bedazzled”. There, on the beach, sits Sensitive Elliott pouring overly syrupy and sugary sweetness onto his betrothed. Who, metaphorically, represents readers.
You have to watch this. Not only is it a great scene but it does a fantastic job of communicating what I’m trying to convey:
A year after that fateful post took the Internet by storm, Dan has found himself slammed to the ground by the reality that blogging is often a venture without reward…a labor of love that pays really crappy. I make $0 a month blogging, but then, monetization isn’t why I do this. I do this because I love making people laugh.
But for Dan, he needed his blog to perform financially. He put is blood, sweat, soul, and a few industrial drums-worth of tears into it. Sadly, it hasn’t met his expectations and this brought on a deluge of emotions and self-doubt.
As he shared in his post, “I Need Your Help,” Dan is on the brink of financial ruin. He’s losing his home, his credit cards are maxed, and he’s self-admittedly broke.
He follows this with a plea asking people to pay for his server so that he can keep his blog running. Somehow, his hosting company is charging an exorbitant rate and he seems willing to pay it. Hosting a blog, even with the traffic he purports to receive, shouldn’t carry such a hefty price tag. And if the amount of traffic coming in each month is so high that his bandwidth needs keep outgrowing his allowance, then monetization should be the least of his worries.
I find it hard to believe that he’s only pulling in $50 a month on ads when there are text ads and display ads all over the place. Especially since all of those text link ads are supposed to cost $100 a month. If this $50 nut is true, then Dan is right, he sucks at monetization. But THIS can be reversed. He has the talent. He just needs a push in the right direction.
While I won’t donate money unless it’s going to a child, animal, or a cause greater than myself, especially when a short-term fix won’t solve the long-term problem, I can probably help with knowledge. You seem to have a good handle on how to charge businesses for every aspect of your blog so I just can’t see how you’re failing to capitalize. Hit me up. I don’t monetize my blog by choice, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t help you make it happen.
I’ve been at the crossroads of major life decisions before and I’ve been in the throes of what I then perceived as poverty. I know what it’s like to stare in the mirror and question yourself while debating whether or not it’s time to throw in the proverbial towel. And I also know what it’s like to have your readers lift you up and re-energize you with their faith.
But I don’t think asking them to pay your bill is the best way to show your gratitude. I totally get the desperation in your voice and the severity of the situation, I just wonder if perhaps there other routes you can take to solve this. Wherever you’re hosting, they aren’t the only game in town. Why not approach a web host and ask for free hosting, or discounted hosting, in exchange for advertising? The more bandwidth they have to deliver, the more visible their company becomes. Win-win! Even so, there are less expensive companies that are just as reputable. You may be surprised.
I also want to shake you by the shoulders and make sure you see the forest for the trees. You have a solid platform but you’re trying to do too much. Instead of saying you don’t have time to learn monetization, find the time. Scale back if you have to but don’t put the onus of a lack of information on the backs of your readers.
Look, people love a fighter. People love when someone climbs from the depths of peril and achieves success. Sadly, people also love it when the reverse happens. Be the former. Soliciting donations only provides a Band-Aid fix. You are poised to succeed, hell, you have, but I think you’ve lost sight of that. Be a chaser and it’ll happen.
In your follow-up letter, “The Bongs That Freed The Silent Tears,” a letter that hurt my teeth, you mentioned that all your stress has disappeared after the influx of donations. Don’t let this create a sense of complacency or security. Fight on.
Take this gift they’ve given you and change what you’re doing. If you have to write less to learn more, then by all means, do it. Quite obviously, your readers will be there as you grow and you’re on the precipice of a success story. But you won’t get there through donations to your monthly expenses. That will get really old, really quickly. Take the steps necessary to realize the change you seek or all their spare change is in vain.
I totally get all the smarminess pervading your pages, and with 86% of your readership being female, perhaps much of what you write is intended to yank those heartstrings. But do yourself a favor, don’t let the success of your plea lead you to yank on their purse strings as well. Otherwise, you won’t be perceived as Single Dad Laughing anymore. You’ll be perceived as Single Dad Laughing All The Way to the Bank.
Personally, I hope you achieve everything you’ve set out to accomplish. Lord knows you have self-confidence and blog bravado down pat. Now it’s time to churn all this into your reality. I honestly do wish you the best. Just do me a favor and man-up just a teency weency bit.
My body just can’t process that much glucose.
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$50 per month — with how much traffic? There are ads all over his front page.
Amen! When a blog I read starts begging, I stop reading. Come on – we all have dreams we want to chase, the success is not simply the finish line of the chase, but the race itself.
Greg, I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time now. I don’t always comment but I read.
In this time, I’ve seen you wear a lot of hats so to speak (even that funky helicopter one) but I gotta say, this particular article doesn’t suit you well.
It’s not the typical jovial post but I think he needs to hear words of encouragement that aren’t just coddling to his situation. He needs to see that he CAN make this happen. He has the tools and talent to do so.
I have to disagree, Cat. I think this right in line with Greg…he’s honest. I wouldn’t even consider this brutal either. Coddling tends to make people push the repercussions of their actions off onto someone or something else; very few people who are coddled ever take the next step to make a genuine attempt to fix the problem. I agree with Greg, own your choices whether they be successes or mistakes. If you’re in dire straits own up to it, seek help when needed but also develop a solid plan to avoid coming back to the same situation over and over again.
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Being that everyone has many hats, and being a parent himself, I can see why he did what he did. This guy, in essence, WANTS to be a good dad, but his recklessness in quitting his job because people showed “interest” in him…come on. I had a head hunter today call my work line for ME. That has never happened. Did I up and quite my job because someone paid me attention? Heck no. I looked at the bigger picture which clearly Crying Dad didn’t. I respect where you are coming from but as a writer, you should be able to address whatever you want. Or buy a fire engine. As long as you can afford it reasonably.
I do think you should take advantage of networking. That’s how the word gets passed, but I don’t agree with hobo-blogging. Loved your advice.
Hobo-Blogging. That’s a great term… and very apropos.
Great post.
Here’s the thing. When you become a parent you lose the opportunity to follow your bliss and you just have to suck it up and get a job sometimes.
Also, the internet is full of scams. I don’t give money to anyone unless they’re a 501c.
Amen! And why reward someone who doesn’t believe in helping others (re his FAQ’s). I’ve never heard of him before today and I won’t be visiting again anytime soon.
A fool and his money…..when will people learn?
I so totally agree with this!!
You have children to take care of – you don’t have to give up your dream completely, but your first responsibility is your children! Grow up and get a job.
Great article, Greg!
Amen, sister! I read his blog post after reading Greg’s post today and I am shocked that anyone is buying that load of garbage.
Since when is it admirable to quit your job when you have a child to support? I had never heard of him prior to today…but after a quick look around his blog, I don’t what all the fuss is about. He just needs to get a job, like a responsible adult.
ah! i’m so happy you wrote this!! i feel the same exact way about SDL. and after reading his “i need help” post, i stopped following his blog. because of that post and another blogger’s recent post asking for donations, my latest post is more-or-less a reaction to them…
You were very gracious to SDL. I don’t know that I would have been if I wrote this post. I seriously and adamantly dislike bloggers asking for money for personal reasons. But then, I’m a stodgy old lady, so what do I know?
You look quite amazing for a stodgy old lady.
One word – bravo. And three more – well-put and agreed.
So interesting, and I wonder if it’ll work.
It just might.
I see it all the time.
Thank you for the good read. Glad I followed the tweet on over.
I agree with you. People can give him money if they want to (it’s their money) but he should appreciate it, find ways to monetize without their help, and find better, more affordable hosting, not impose on others because he won’t do his homework.
I was scared out of my mind when I asked friends and family for help when my husband was out of work with his chemo, we did lose everything in the time it took for his surgeries and treatment and we had a newborn support. I get a little peeved when I see someone ask strangers for money for a blog after they QUIT their job. I have no sympathy for his stupidity.
I remember reading the blog post that went viral. It was really well written and I became a follower of both his blog & a fan on facebook. But, pretty soon afterwards I did get a sense that he was writing just to get money. His posts were much too contrived and artificial. So, I stopped following.
What makes a good blog isn’t just having writing skills. That’s a good start, but that’s not enough to establish yourself. Honesty is key. Especially when the blog’s content is all about you (and your life)… it has to be “real”. He lost himself in trying to “play the game”. I have nothing against bloggers making money. So, yea, put up ads all you like, but keep the writing honest & true to what your message is. Unless the message is “I want money” in which case, he’s all too honest. I guess.
p.s. by “YOU” I mean “HIM” and not you you…
Wow!
Well put! I, myself, am not one for dealing w/ people that beg for money for any reason. As far as I’m concerned, unless your in the hospital or there is a valid reason you can’t, get off you @$$ and go to work.
The fact that SDL QUIT his job to do blogging full time loses respect for me. I haven’t read a single post, and after finding out this information, I probably won’t.
I know that you, Greg, have an actual job that brings in income, regardless if you are in an office or in your living room. And for that I commend you! I have seen very few bloggers that could pull off blogging full time and make it their career.
I DO wish him the best of luck, but he lost reader even before he had one.
First of all, I love Brendan Fraser. Awesome clip choice. Second, I don’t think that this is a decidedly male issue. I’ve known other bloggers who have had similarly unrealistic “business” ideas when it comes to their blogs and how their internet fame will pave the way to caviar dreams and champagne wishes. It’s just not realistic. At best, it will provide you a platform for a business, but the business will ultimately have to be more than the sharing of you, wonderful you. It will require insight, learning and management. It will need to change and grow and it will involve compromise and hard work and much like changing diapers… shit. You will have to deal with shit. Nobody wants to grow up and live in the real world. But as parents we don’t really have a choice not to anymore. Not a good one anyways. Follow your dreams, sure. But pay the bills first. I’ve heard so many people whine about not being able to take “soul crushing” jobs because it’s not who they are, they are artists, they are willing to suffer for art. But your kids don’t get to make that choice. They don’t care who you are and don’t sum up your being by the job that’s putting food on the table. They do know that you’re the guy that pays the bills. You’re the PARENT. That somehow seems a lot more important than having a bunch of strangers see you as an artist.
Ciaran you’re ridonculous. If everything fell apart here everyone knows that Mr. G. would get a second job. Maybe if he needed a third job I’d think about getting some part time work.
Got testes? Get a job.
I actually think Ciaran was kinda saying the same thing. Just without testes.
Well said, Greg. I think you were diplomatic and giving a different level of support. I’m all about taking a risk to achieve your dreams, but sometimes there are bumps in the road. We sold our house, quite our jobs, and moved to Hawai’i. We took a major risk and it came with some serious difficulties. We are both professionals, but the financial reality of living in Hawai’i hit us and I had to take an $8 an hour job at Macy’s for awhile until we started doing better. You do what you have to do without begging others to pay your bills for you.
I admire the guts it took to post a controversial response like this. Sometimes the truth needs to be said.
Agree so much with this post. Making money from blogging is about so much more than just writing a post that people like. SDL claims to get 1-2million page views a month. If he’s telling the truth and really only made $50 last month, then he needs to take a serious look at his administrative and marketing deficits . . . and maybe consider going back to a guaranteed paycheck.
Look! I’m a girl, and I cannot stand sappy….anything.
I write because, like most writers, I must. Monetary gain…hold on a moment while I regain my composure….*snerk*…*giggle*…almost there….
Ahem..like I was saying, monetary gain is last on the list of things I expect from this…right above fame or notoriety or Internet fame…or whatever we call this.
This Dan person of whence you speak…blech…ptooie…yuck…and I mean that in the nicest possible way.
The cynic in me says this Dan person is just another scam artist, albeit a creative one, in a long line of scam artists.
The optimist in me has been beaten into submission by the cynic, so the best I can come up with is…..
Sorry, I got nothin’…and I feel like I need a shower.
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I commented something similar on Katie’s post early… This whole thing left a very very sour taste in my mouth. I am one of those bloggers who would not ask for hand outs. In fact, Rhea did it for me. lol She knew I’d be angry, but to be honest I’ve been absolutely blown away with people. I still feel iffy about it. He doesn’t seem to have any remorse at all. Where the donations for us went to my daughters medication, his is going to pay hosting. I think it’s time to either find a job or find a BETTER way of monetizing his blog without asking his readers for handouts… But that’s just me.
Well I read your post, then I skimmed his posts and I agree with you. 1. If you have a family dropping everything to start something new is a real risk to not only yourself, but those you are responsible for caring for. 2. If you’re going to do something like that you’d better have a really good business plan/battle plan/just plain plan. 3. The begging for money part will only last so long. What’s next? One can’t beg forever right? (The homeless guy at my freeway exit ramp disproves this statement, but whatever.) 4. Those posts of his gave me the willies. I get nervous whenever men are that verbose about feelings. In my experience it’s almost certainly a sign of a manipulator. (I’ve done too much dating.) 5. Seriously, who hasn’t had the “perfection” thoughts? Maybe it was new and inciteful for some, but come on. We all do it in some way or another, we all hate ourselves for it, love ourselves for it, act on it, repress it, blah, blah, blah. I’m a tortured soul right now myself moving to a neighborhood just a couple of blocks from a fountain entrance to a gated community with 2 bronze 16 foot tall fighting stallions. How are we going to face the neighbors with a 1994 Acura and a 2006 Kia? Whatever. Who really cares? Way fewer people than most of our egos would care to believe. ***Jumps off soap box.*** Thanks for another good post.
This Dan guy can pretty much ask for whatever he wants, within reason, because he’s using his own platform to do it. That is a great thing, despite his scurrilousness.
I think it’s a great idea to ask for money on a blog – if you do it the way Jenny, The Bloggess, did it last Christmas. Ask people to help each other, not the blogger. If lots of people hear your voice, use it for good. Use it to help others.
What a great measure of character.
Greg, I hope other bloggers read this and hear the support in it. Tough love, indeed, and dead on. I would imagine he’ll lose readership.
Poor planning or management does not equal charity case.
I got a huge giggle out of Sarah’s homeless guy on the freeway exit ramp, because we’ve had one here for over a year. Apparently, you really can beg forever. I keep wondering where he goes to the bathroom…ewww…
I saw the post about perfection the other day on Facebook and read it. Then I read the post about asking for money and thought SERIOUSLY? You’re asking for money for your server when you’re losing your house and have a son to support?
I kind of feel like it should be Single Dad Crying, since he’s so full of tears…and possibly Copernicus’ monkey shit.
Chelle
He is saying that he doesn’t have time to learn how to monetize, and I don’t know how that could be true since he isn’t working a day job anymore and plans to continue being a professional writer. If that is your bread and butter (your blog and site) I just think you gotta make time for that and learn the skills somehow.
A long time blogger, Steve Pavlina, (whether you agree with some of his off-the-wall personal stuff or not) has been making his living with his blog and seminars for years now without ever begging for money that I know of. He has a lot of free info on his site about how he did it. I would think that would be a good resource for anyone wanting to bring in some extra income from their blog.
The “asking for help” post will only bring in some sympathy cash and not help in the long run, plus he might have turned away a lot of loyal readers with that one. It’s also hard to believe he didn’t see this coming. If it was me trying to make a living off of my blog I would have worried about gaining the skills much sooner.
I like Dan’s blog and I think he is clearly talented; hopefully he will put that time and effort into montetizing his blog….. or go back to work before he loses his house and more.
Well, I have never been to his blog before, but I did at least read his post on the disease perfection, and it did leave me in tears. It was quite moving. Now, having said that, I will likely not go back, only because of having read that he has derailed himself and looking for others to get him out of it, I just can’t deal. I mean, it’s kinda the opposite to the wonderful writing he did. I do hope that he is able to pull himself back up, and continue writing the good stuff, and hopefully, find a way to make ends meet & raise his family. He’s a dad, he needs to fill those shoes, first and foremost.
I wonder if Dan realizes that he will need to report all of the money people donate to him on his tax return next year. It is income. He’ll be in another financial hole if he doesn’t take that into account and budget accordingly.
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It seems like a lot of people are upset that he asked for money, but you know, I can kind of understand where he’s coming from. Sometimes you just need a little help. And since he got the help that he needed, I sure hope that he learns how to monetize his site. He can buy “How to Make Money Blogging For Dummies” or something with some of the cash he made. Honestly, after reading like 4 of his posts, I was dunzo for good. I just can’t get into that kind of a read and call it “raw” or “real”. Just because you cry a lot doesn’t mean that you have ridiculous emotional insight. He’s a total showboater.
All I can say is Ewwwww! I know all too well how hard it is to be a single parent but are you kidding me? I would do anything for my kids short of begging strangers to pay my way. That’s a line you just don’t cross, that is unless you are a sleezy politician or a religious zealot.
Well said.
If something is important to you then you make time for it. I work full time as an accountant, have five teenagers, a husband that works shift work, and do lobbying work on the side …. I spend my lunch breaks at work writing articles and updating my site. If you want it done … then you find the time.
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Wow. Um. To me- quitting your job when someone shows “interest” in you is like an old rich man saying you made him laugh so he’s leaving you his millions. It never. ever. ever. happens.
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Also, I HAD to go find this one from Beta Dad, because I remember having this discussion like a year ago. And this was BEFORE SDL cried out for money from his followers. http://butterbeanandcobra.blogspot.com/2010/10/in-which-i-personally-attack-another.html This guy isn’t all angry or anything normally, but I totally agree with like 80% of what he says here.
Honestly this just makes me sick. I ran a fundraiser 18 months ago to help my daughter with her expenses, she was unable to work for a few months after my grandson was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor at the age of 11 months and had to go out of state for his treatment etc. With the help of many the goal i had set to pay 3 months of rent, utiliies etc was met for her. There are still bills such as a 36k anesthesiologist bill, but you won’t see me begging people to pay that. It’s not an urgent need. For someone to ask for money and not even try to get out of the self created mess is just not right in my opinion. I could see if he said, i made a mistake and decided i need to go back to a job and do this blog part time..that would be different. I also never intended for my blog to monetize, it was for me to record my grandsons journey, the little (and trust me it’s very little) money I do make off that blog goes toward his medical bills. Even after some celebrities tweeted about him and his blog had 12k visitors that one month you didn’t see me quit my job and give up a secure paycheck. A check that I desperately needed so i could help my daughter any way possible. I just don’t understand people like that.
BTW I found your blog a couple a weeks ago after clicking links on the bloggess website..I love your sense of humor and have been going thru your archives during my lunch hours every day. Great blog : )
That’s really cool that you were able to raise money like that
I’m thinking about doing something similar to raise money for my husband’s platoon in Iraq, but I worry that there would be even less responses than some guy got for crying about an expensive server. Until I have a crazy need like your daughter did, it feels inappropriate.
Just to say that I agree with you and appreciate that you have offered the sort of ‘Teach A Man To Fish’ advice that he needs to hear. I haven’t read his blog in quite awhile and as I just went back to catch up I see why…it hurts my teeth too.
What message is this begging sending to his kid?
wow! you can pan handle without even having to sit on an off ramp?….sweet!
i gotta get me when of these blogs. I’m going to go work on my letter of resignation…….
So how much is a dedicated private server supposed to cost? He gets 500K+ in traffic per month. I thought $219/mo was pricey but I didn’t know if that was a normal price.
I emailed him and told him about some affiliates I knew of. But holy hell he’s charging $100/mo for ads? He should be fine for enough to pay for a server then. Unless those ads are affiliates, then he gets nada. LOL
I do think that him quitting his job was really dumb move though. My husband and I want to move out of CA, but unless he has a job in our new state that is absolutely stable or we win the lottery, it ain’t happening.
I do not think you were too harsh. Monetizing is hard. I still don’t fully get it and I’ve been doing this 3 years. LOL But I’d never quit my job because someone showed interest. Once I have a contract and certified check in hand, it’s a different story though.
On a separate note, you made me go re-watch Bedazzled. Love that movie!
Absolutely. Personally, I tend to stop reading blogs where they ask for money. There are a LOT of people struggling in this economy, including me, but I don’t think hitting people up for your bad decisions is the way to deal with it. If your blogging (and by that I mean HIS blogging *grin*) isn’t a going concern, get a job. It’s pretty simple.
Thank you.
I’m way new at blogging. Like maybe 3 weeks old. I am doing it because:
1. I have discovered I actually like writing.
2. I have discovered I actually like reading.
3. If I say anything that makes one person laugh or stop and think…my job is done.
And I do find it is pretty therapeutic for me. And my shrink agrees.
I didn’t even know you could ever make any kind of $$ doing this. But don’t worry, I ain’t quitting my day job.
Guess I’m still learning something new every day. =)
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I have never heard of him and after hearing he is begging his readers for money, I won’t even click over. I am not going to contribute to his page views.
What an irresponsible thing to do… quit your job because of a good response on your blog?!? I feel most sorry for his child and truly hope he gets his head out of the clouds and does the right thing; start looking for a job now and save the blog writing for when you aren’t on the verge of losing everything.
Good for you Greg for offering your help (because I believe you are very sincere) and honest thoughts on this.
Nothing new to add here. Everyone else said it quite well! Good post Greg!
Suck it up and deal big boy! Put on your big boy pants and take care of yourself and your family, don’t ask others to do it for you.
Man I get excited when I get 3 or 4 hits on something I post, I would probably lose my mind if anything I said went viral. My wife and three daughters on the other hand wouldn’t let me quit the day job. as a father I have to support them first, then the crazy dream of not going to the 9 to 5 everyday comes in. 1 good viral post ain’t enough, heck 100 good viral posts are probably not enough. It would be cool, but not enough to walk away from the day job.
SO the short comment is I agree with what you said and it’s gonna keep me from begging or quitting anytime soon.
Thanks
I hate cyberbegging.
Sounds like he tried the “ready-fire-aim” approach. Given the advice you gave in this post, it sound like this was something he could have very well planned out before he jumped in, and ultimatly set him self up so well that he could quit his job and do this for a living. But he didn’t. When you have children, you lose the right to forgoe foresight in a situation. Its like chess: you need to properly think out all your moves to know which one is the best move to make. No one cares if YOU live in your car because you were stupid, but we do care if your CHILDREN are living in the car because you were stupid. I’ve dealt with my ex husband about this. I’ve gotten to the point where I dont care what desicions he makes or how his lack of foresight affects him because I have provided a safe and stable home for our children in the event that one day his “ready-fire-aim” approach comes back and bites him in the ass. Which it will. And it sounds like it did for SLD. Unfortunatly, it sounds like he has many enablers following him, so I hope he can take you advice and set himself up for a bright future doing what he loves.
Greg, I love your blog. I discovered it recently and have just finished the archives. So funny. I think you’re absolutely right on this matter. I won’t go back to Single Dad Laughing. I dislike being hit up when the reason for the need is poor judgment. Now if someone has medical problems, if there’s a tragedy, or if an animal needs help, I’ll do what I can. But I’m not giving money to Single Dad Laughing when he’s healthy and strong and able-bodied. I’m pretty sure McDonald’s or Wendy’s would hire him. After all, they hired me when I couldn’t find work in my field.
Greg, I haven’t been reading your blog for long but I have really enjoyed the majority of your posts. This one almost breaks my heart a little bit.
While I do definitely think that quitting a job to pursue a career that is extremely difficult to make something of is a poor plan (and throwing a child into the mix who relies on you to meet all of his/her needs makes it a glaring mistake), I also feel like it is poor taste to be so judgemental of a person who is being made to kneel and ask for help. I don’t like what he has done with his decisions and I don’t particularly care for his overly sentimantal writing style, but I can’t make myself judge him as harshly as you have.
I have been there. I have been homeless with 2 kids. Let me tell you, you can be working a job and being responsible and everything can still fall apart around you. You can not predict how you would behave in that situation unless you have lived it. I would do *anything* for my children. I gave up my pride and I did whatever I could, within legal means, to get my children where they are supposed to be. I had to accept help, and if you think giving someone in that position is hard, try being that person. I can tell you that if I had been in his shoes, I would ask for help from readers before ever subjecting my child to know what it means to be truly hungry and having no food to eat.
So, while I do agree that he made some very foolish decisions and that I definitely sees that he needs a day job, I also say, “Do we really have to kick a man when he is down?”. Why can’t we just be silent? Offer him constructional criticism (maybe in a private email instead of snarky comments on his blog). I see no reason why this had to be such a specific thing.
Angela, thank you so much for the comment. I totally understand where you’re coming from but I don’t believe I was harsh at all. I tried to be constructive and show my point through some sarcasm and straight up facts that I hope offer some self-reflection. My post was meant to help, not kick him when he’s down.
Specific to a few of your points:
1. I am not sitting upon riches and flawlessness chastising him for his actions. I’ve been there, too. Not homeless, but not far off. And I’ve swallowed pride. Please don’t think that this post came from a position of superiority.
2. I would do anything for my children as well, but he was not asking for money to make sure his child wasn’t truly hungry or on the verge of having no food to eat. He was asking for people to pay for his server. In the context of his message and what the money was for, that’s where I was left scratching my head. His donation page is, “Buy Noah a Happy Meal,” yet it’s clearly stated that it’s a request for donations for what HE does on his blog. It’s not a request for Noah’s next meal. Believe me, if he had asked for help because he or Noah were starving in the streets, you wouldn’t see this post. You’d see a donation receipt.
3. I have offered help and I have reached out privately to make it known that offer was sincere. I’ve heard nothing back. I offered to give him assistance on how to monetize at no charge…he CAN make money with his blog. And while I think he’s doing better than $50 a month, I certainly know that he CAN be. The offer still stands.
4. As for why I posted this publicly, my intention was for him to feel some pressure. If I sent that note privately, it could be deleted without another thought. But publicly, perhaps others could accentuate my message. Believe me, just rubbing his head and whispering that everything’s going to be okay while handing him some cash isn’t helping him. I can help him make more money long-term but the reception hasn’t been there.
5. Anyone who knows me, knows my heart, and they know that it’s in the right place. I don’t feel this was snarky at all. Perhaps if I had a history of breaking people down then your statement would ring true. But I have given far more than I have received and without so much as an expectation of thanks. Believe me, had I wanted to be mean, it very easily could have been slanted that way, but I wanted to write something that could have an effect while also extending a helping hand.
Before I write a whole ‘nother post in reply
I’m going to close by saying that the intention clearly wasn’t one of snark or anger and I stand by every word.
excellent post. I hope Dan can read and learn from it – sadly I doubt he will, because what have his readers taught him by filling up the empty hand he held out? Ask and you shall receive. Sad.
great post as always Greg…. I really hope Dan reads and takes the information to heart… I had never heard of SDL until now .. and I don’t know that I’ll be a follower. Asking for money just seems ..wrong… it’s not like he can’t work.. he’s not disabled.. he could go out and get a job. He could put his dreams on the back burner for the sake of his son…… instead he’s asking strangers for money…… how is that different from pan handling on the street?
I get that he has a dream… but before he jumped ship on his job he should have done the proper research and found the way to actually monetize on his blog and his writing. Especially considering it’s not just his life he’s responsible for .. he’s responsible for his son.
Meh… something about him seems off…. and like others here have said Greg.. I think you’re nicer than the rest of us.
I had never been to his website before, but I did click over after reading this. I think he thought he was going to be famous, but famous for what? One good post? He needs to get his head out of the clouds.
Greg, I have a bone to pick with you……I clicked over to his blog, and all weekend I haven’t been able to shower off the “ick”. What disturbs me most is that he has an entire price list, not like most bloggers who have a link or marketing contact obscurely listed in their contact page. WHAT REALLY IRKED me, in his FAQ’s section, someone asked if he would help them spread word about what they needed help with, his response, NO thats YOUR issue, if you need help YOU ask for it. WOW! A lil lowly blogger would ask for a little shoutout bc he gets SOOOOOO much traffic & his response was “go fight your own battle”. I wouldn’t care if he wasn’t BEGGING for his readers to pay for his server. I wish I never knew there was someone out there like that. Have you watched the news, read the news, or seen statistics about joblessness or foreclosures. We are ALL fighting to stay above water….all I can say is I’m glad i’m not married to him, a man he is not. This may be harsh but I’m thoroughly disgusted, and its all YOUR FAULT! He should hire dooce’s husband to help him with all the money he’s been given, and for what?? I don’t get the content of his blog but that’s why I’ll stay here. EW – going to take another shower…..
Over at DadCentric, we’ve been following SDL for a while, and have called him out on his bullshit a few times. He’s a talentless hack and a fraud who’s been able to game Alexa and purchase traffic to make his blog look a lot more trafficked than it actually is (which is, I’m sure, a big reason why Babble decided to add him to their BabbleVoices section).
Guys like him, who think that dadblogging is a get-rich-quick scheme, are a bane to the entire dadblogging community. Great post!
What Jason and Tanis said.
I think the Brendan Frasier clip hits the mark. I only heard about SDL last year. I couldn’t get through an entire post. I wish the man well, especially for his kid’s sake. But as others have stated, provide for your children first and foremost is parent rule number 1.
I won’t even touch his site after being bombarded by those EFFING annoying play-on-their-own ads. Forgettaboutit.
And fwiw, I think your post is very constructive and well stated.
I call that type of post a “bleg” – the blog-beg. Part of me feels a tad sorry for him – mainly because he was/is so ignorant how monetizing works and clueless about Affiliate linking. What kind of twit leaves his full time job without proof their new venture bears fruit? A twit with unrealistic expectations and perhaps less rose colored glasses on and more blinders/blindfolded.
When I read his post for “help” I literlly cringed. I mean come on and like you said it is truly a “band-aid” I mean grow up. I also think he’s making more money that he lets on.
Kas
this whole thing with SDL reminds me of an episode with my own daughter. When B was about 20 and in college, she came home for spring break and broke down in tears because she had applied for and been given several credit cards. She had charged them up, and couldn’t pay for them. She was a college student and had no job. My husband decided to pay all of them off for her, and she in turn had to cut up all the cards.
Fast forward two years. The same daughter called home crying hysterically, so that I thought something terrible had happened. She said she needed money that month. Because WE were paying her tuition and rent, I couldn’t imagine what she needed that money for. I told her to get a cold drink, wash her face and call me back when she could speak clearly, and tell me just what she needed money for.
When she called me back, she said she had 4 (YES 4!) credit cards charged to the max, and needed money to pay the payments on them THAT MONTH. She needed $500! So, I told her I would think about it and let her know.
I called her back about 4 days later, and told her that I had been losing sleep for months, worrying that she was doing without things, doing without going to movies, buying new clothes, eating out with her friends, etc, and thinking that she was doing so well keeping herself out of debt. To find out she had charged up 4 credit cards again, after we had paid them off for her once, and that she was asking me for money AGAIN, was a big disappointment for me. I told her I was NOT sending money, and she would have to figure out how to stand on her own two feet. That if I sent money that month, what was she going to do next month when she owed the same amount. I didn’t have the fun, and I certainly wasn’t going to pay for it.
Then she asked me what she was supposed to do. Well, let’s see, I said, “you have two classes this semester, and one part time job. Find a second or third part time job. Call each place you owe and work out a payment plan with them. Buy your groceries first, pay the rent second, and then pay the other debts as you can. But YOU have to figure out how to pay the bills yourself.”
She was very upset, but she did work out how to pay everyone, and how to live within her means. She thanked me a couple of years later for making her do it herself. And that, sir, is what SDL needs to do. Be a man, be responsible, learn how to stand on your own two feet, and stop asking for handouts.
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I have been following a lot of Dan’s posts, I think he’s a great writer and I hope he does make a little cabbage to get through the next day, but I also agree with you about asking readers for money. At first when I read his post “I need help” I thought to myself, wow, he had the courage to put himself out there, but THEN, after reading his newest blog entry “A Letter To whoever” I thought he went over the edge. I had to find out who he was talking about since he was being a bit cryptic about his naysayers. Wanna know what I put into the search looking for these “haters”… I put in single dad laughing hack, and after a few of his posts, yours popped up. Of course I had to click it and see what kind of horrid things you were saying to make Dan get all teary eyed and honestly Greg, I couldn’t find anything in what you’ve written here to indicate his need to defend himself. You’re right it is a bandaid to give him money to pay for his server, especially when in his last post he’s indicated that he owes over $600,000 in a mortgage on his home. At this point donations will be like putting a bandaid on a hemorrhage. Its not gonna help him. I did leave him a comment telling him I thought that his post was a whine, and that violins come to mind when I read it, and I also let him know that if I were a first time reader, I wouldn’t bother coming back.
I love the video you posted as well. He does need to man up a bit, and I can say that not because I can’t stand men who show their feelings, but because he does need to be more balanced. I like the fact that you’ve reached out to him. There are a lot of things he could do to make money, but if he’s just looking for donations instead of putting in the real work behind the scenes, then he’ll be writing a lot more posts like that. LOL I don’t make money off of my blogs, but I do like to share my life with those who happen to read it. My reason for blogging is simply to keep family and friends updated about all that is happening in our lives.
I just read this post for the first time today. I’m slowly trolling my way through your blog, after discovering (yes I’m like the Christopher Columbus of the blog world), your blog the other day.
Anyway, ironically, I tried to click on the links of this uber-famous dad (I’ve never heard of him, but then I thought ‘Bieber’ was a skin infection until recently), and the links…the links were not working ‘this page cannot be found/loaded’ kind-of-thing.
Just wondering, is this the blog-equivalent of having the lights turned out?
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I am going to be straight up mean here and say that I think Dan is kind of an a-hole. If he is so “broke” and has “no time to learn” than he needs to stop fronting all the perfection in his pictures, etc. He even pulled all the backlash about his blog into his bullying series – and if he is not making money on that and the books, etc. he really is lame. I know a blogger who makes more than he claims and she has one tenth of his traffic.
I get why people are annoyed. you’re all entitled to your own opinions. but what is so wrong with asking for help? he had faith in his readers, had felt the love they have (I have) for him and his writing. He was honest in his plea, and very upfront. I commend him for having the balls to be that open.
Once upon a time, long, long ago, I found Single Dad Laughing while randomly cruising parent blogs. It was nice. He seemed nice. I read a decent amount of his blog, and never went back. This was before he went viral. I didn’t even KNOW he went viral. When I read this post (because I’ve read backwards from ALL your posts recently and you’ve got my interest enough that I remember your blog title and check it regularly now) i THOUGHT it might be the person I was thinking of, and yep. It sure was. So I went and read it, and then his self pity post “To Whoever” (WHOMever MORON…sorry pet peeve) AND his “Buy Noah A Happy Meal” and I was frankly disgusted. I tried to comment on his blog, but the format made it more trouble than it was worth and I was tired of giving him hit counts.
So I came back here to re-read this post, to make sure all my ducks were in the same line and yeah. I’d thought he was a decent writer, a decent guy, interesting enough for me to read a bunch of his blog however long ago…but not interesting enough for me to follow. Not well written enough for me to enjoy. And he’s gone from a parent blogger to a freakin’ evangelist. That’s how his posts read to me, though there’s no mention of religion that I’ve noticed, it leaves me with the same, slightly ill feeling, slightly oily feeling.
And I’m not really trying to bash him; I know the post was a month and more ago, and I’m venting here in your comments, but you are so spot on about him. And for you to reach out to help and for him to ignore it completely? It disgusted me. It really did. Thanks to a friend of mine, I’m now getting published (not blogging) in not one, not two, but three different places. It won’t make me rich, but it’s bringing in money for doing what I love. And I wouldn’t have that opportunity if my friend hadn’t helped me through the process. I just…he icks me out. And I should probably stop now.
Thank you, seriously. You’re awesome. And you use actual grammar and seem to spell check.
I’ll be readin’ ya!!
Someone just sent me a link to your post after I wrote a post about Dan as well. You have much more grace and are much more respectful than I could ever be. Very nicely said.