SUBSCRIBE VIA RSSAs many of you know, my wife agreed to accept the thankless position of PTO President at our 10-year old son’s elementary school. While it’s bad enough that she struggles to find funds and volunteers to make all of the needed and wanted field trips, programs, and activities a reality, she was also saddled with a starting operating budget of less than $150. Thousands less than the previous years’ Presidents enjoyed.
Still, she’s taken it upon herself to make it work and set a goal of raising $10,000 by Christmas, which is half of her school-year requirement if she’s to avoid cutting programs.
Her recent Walk-a-Thon idea not only brought out a number of wonderful volunteers, but it also helped raise both awareness and nearly $2,000 in contributions. My local Rotary Club alone donated $500 to her cause and she was so appreciative that she wanted to attend a meeting to thank them personally.
When Heather arrived with a Thank You card signed by the majority of students at Cady Stanton Elementary, she took to the podium and thanked the Rotary chapter for their generosity. After a short speech that included a moment of emotion (she’s just not used to other people doing nice things for her), she and Kamryn departed.
Throughout lunch, a number of people came up and commented how “lovely” and “beautiful” Heather was. Like I didn’t already know it! Believe me, I know I married WAY up, but it’s always nice to be reminded just how far out of my league she really is.
Sadly, this is a joy she doesn’t get to experience for herself. While I hear it constantly, it’s not like she’s being approached by people eager to tell her what an awesome catch *I* am.
“Damn, Heather. How did you ever manage to land a balding middle-aged lanky guy with three abdominal scars? You hit the jackpot, girl!”
See? Just having a 'good personality' isn't always bad.
Following the luncheon, an older member stopped me as I was leaving, and said:
“Greg, was that your wife who spoke earlier? She sure is a handsome woman.”
After hearing this, my first reaction was to grapple with him and put him in a headlock while asking if he wanted to dare repeat himself. But thanks to my bare noggin, which allows considerable body heat to escape, a cooler head prevailed and I just thanked him for his compliment.
But I wondered. Was it one? I couldn’t help but think I had just thanked him for calling my wife a bowser.
I always thought a “handsome woman” would have stubble and possess the ability to wrestle gators into submission. Men are handsome, women are beautiful, right? If a woman is considered handsome, doesn’t that mean she’s gruff, homely, brutish, and manly?
Pop quiz! Who's the handsomest of them all?
I nervously told Heather what he had said and she took it the same way I did. While she didn’t consider it an insult, she didn’t consider it flattery either. Not one to ever let the comedic value of life’s experiences go to waste, I told her that she better start girlin’ it up because I didn’t want people thinking I married some man-lady.
For the past several days I’ve been commenting about how handsome she is. Asking her to bring her handsome self over for some manly love. Word to the wise (or unwise in my case), comments like this assure no love of any persuasion.
Ever curious, I Googled the phrase to make sure I didn’t need to fight a near-Centenarian at the next luncheon to defend my wife’s honor. While I’m almost certain I could take him, I’d rather avoid the risk of eternal embarrassment if I were to lose. Or even if I were to win, for that matter.
Turns out, Heather’s new layer of self-consciousness may have been formed under false pretenses. Being called handsome is not only supposed to be a compliment, it’s actually supposed to be a really nice compliment.
And I quote:
“A woman with the kind of refined beauty and attractiveness that requires poise, dignity, and strength of mind and character, things that often come with age; not merely sex-appeal. It is more related to a harmony of proportions, dignity, grace, and elegance. Applied to a woman who possesses timeless, classical physical beauty, irrespective of fashion.”
Based on this and other Old English references I found, being called “handsome” is far better than being called cute, pretty, or even beautiful. Even so, the only women to say they’d feel better about themselves if they were told they were handsome were in their 60s and 70s.
This in mind, and judging by the age of the person who said it, this phrase is most likely just an antiquated compliment. Perhaps back in the good ol’ days, this was one of the nicest things you could say about a woman. Today? I’m not so sure.
So, forgetting what you know now, what do you think?
If you’re a woman, and someone said you were “handsome,” would you have taken it as a compliment? Would you have thought it meant you had beauty, grace, and charm? Or would you have sought the nearest spa for treatment?
And if you are a man, would you ever tell a woman she was “handsome” without first protecting your man-nuggets from a swift kick to the crotch?
I don’t think this is something I could say even after being enlightened about the origin of the phrase. I’m just not that brave. Plus, so long as the jury is still out, I have to assume that a handsome woman can kick some serious arse.
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
i would love to have hair like heather…not that there is anything wrong with your hair greg…or lack thereof =o)
Don’t sell yourself short, Greg. I think Heather made quite a catch with you.
As for the term… I would take it as a compliment to be called “handsome”. Even though the term is typically applied to men, I’ve never thought of “handsome” as meaning “manly” – Just like I don’t think calling a man “beautiful” means he’s “girly”.
It way be a bit antiquated but it is commonly used in commonwealth countries. I’d take it as a compliment and would use it as such in the right context & company. Maybe you can start a movement to bring it back?
Go read some Jane Austin. The super-eligible women in those books are described as handsome.
You may need to do something afterwards to regain your manly status though.
I can’t believe, once again, you put up pictures of me. TROUBLE! But I don’t mind being called handsome if it means I “can kick some serious arse”….I think I have the arse kicking thing down. So I’ll rock on with my handsome self, just don’t call me girly! Beccie knows.
As someone who has read tons of Jane Austen, yes, I would definitely take handsome as a compliment!
At this phase in my life, I would take a compliment any way I could get it! And I’m such a literary geek that being called “handsome” wouldn’t bother me. Plus, I have really short hair, so folks could be excused for thinking I’m mannish.
I would never use handsome to describe a woman’s beauty but thanks to that definition I see it is a compliment. I would have questioned it too. She’s gorgeous…it had to be a good thing.
I always thought being a “handsome woman” was a compliment, but more meaning “plain”. I don’t know why. I think I’d rather be beautiful, sexy or hot than handsome.
Don’t sell yourself short, Greg. You’re pretty.
Ahahahahaha! Yes. Precisely.
At the risk of sounding conceited, I’ve been told I’m a handsome woman on more than one occasion.
Fortunately, I already knew the meaning.
Flattered? Beyond flattered, because it means way more than being told you are beautiful or any other adjective that only compliments a woman’s outer beauty.
Heather is, indeed, a handsome woman.
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“Impressive,” “strong,” “dedicated,” “amazing,” “powerful,” and “thought-provoking” are all compliments toward someone who has worked tirelessly to raise money for an important cause and is now paying her thanks to those who have supported the cause. “Pretty,” “beautiful,” and yes, even “handsome,” kind of miss the point.
Heather is an amazing woman. Other than you and she, who the heck cares whether she’s pretty?
Coming from the generation that you describe, I would take it as a HUGE compliment. Now if a 25-year-old said that…he would deserve the head-lock. Times change!
My grandfather calls my grandmother a handsome woman all the time, so I would love it if I was referred to in that way
On a related note, I often tell my husband that he is “man-pretty”!
I think I would have wondered myself but it seems like a fitting compliment. But forget all of that, are Heather’s abs like that after kids??!!
Handsome? Eh.
Probably his era’s version of, “Dude…your wife is hot!”
Which she totally is.
So glad I brought my work-out crap to the office now.
I consider it a compliment now, not so sure I would have in my 20s. I was pretty in my 20s, or cute. God how I hated being called ‘cute’. Puppies are cute, kittens are cute, babies are cute. I am grown freaking woman, I am NOT CUTE, my 20 something self would huff. By the time I was 30 though handsome was certainly a compliment. To me it says something about inner & outer strength as well as physical appearance.
My great uncle called all of the women in his life Handsome…as in “Hi Handsome, how are you today”. Whenever I hear it, it makes me think of him, he was one of my favorite people. So no, I would never consider it an insult
I’d take it as the antiquated, well-meant compliment it clearly was.
But, then again, I was raised around a lot of antiquated souls from “commonwealth countries” who spoke in terms that often confused me when I was a child. Now? I miss the gentility of their speech patterns. 
My four-year-old son would say it’s an insult. He tells us, “Boys are handsome; girls are pretty,” and insists we keep that straight.
But going by the definition you quoted, I have to agree she’s quite handsome. I’ve always thought that about her, based on pictures you’ve previously shared and on many things she’s said and done (again, according to your blog posts–I’ve never met your wife.)
Now, based on a single picture of her in a pink bikini, I’d say, “Handsome? Phooey! Heather is one smokin’ hot momma!”
Brian the Kwyjibo´s last post…Dads and Daughters
I totally take “handsome woman” as a high compliment — it implies more than just conventional beauty, which I value. But, truthfully, the only thing that matters is that you understand that a compliment was intended. In our house, my 5 year old son rejects all terms of flattery except “ugly monster.” To him that is the highest compliment there is!! (e.g. “Hey dude! That shirt is great! You look like an ugly monster!”) It’s all in context, I guess.
I actually would love to be called handsome and would take it as a compliment; I have no idea if this is because I’m a particularly well-read 22 year-old or if my parents just had eclectic vocabularies. I’ve always thought handsome, when referring to a woman, meant strong, assured, graceful, beautiful…pretty much the definition you cited above.
So who’s a pretty boy, then?
Wow, I’m late to the party! I guess if I heard someone call me handsome, I may have been slightly offended as well, thinking, “they think I look manly??!” But, I can see the meaning there as well, and considering the fact that Heather is model gorgeous, I would have also been able to assume there must be a deeper meaning there. Google is our friend! Going by the definition you found, yes, she is most handsome! (And God only made so many perfect heads.. the rest have hair Greg!)
meg´s last post…Road to recovery- take 2.
she’s stunning yes, we all know that, stop rubbing it it
she’s also sweet and funny and warm and very tolerant of you, we love her
I’m right there with Evening Star, I’ve heard that description of women in many a book, movie, and song, generally things along the lines of irish ballads or Sense & Sensibility so , I knew exactly what it meant. I wouldn’t mind being called handsome in that context. I think it’s sad that so many wonderful things aren’t used anymore. I was actually given a book called “Endangered Words” and it’s amazing. I have already added to my vocabulary.
Here’s a pop quiz, did you also know that a handsome was a horse draw cab? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hansom_cab
I’m not sure I’d want to be called “handsome” but it’s all in the inflection. Sounds like he was paying her a compliment, even it was super 1947. She is quite a beauty.
Lindsay´s last post…Putting Together My Home Office
I absolutly would! If you can call a man handsome and its a compliment, I would take it as a compliment as well. Although, I can’t say it works both ways. I doubt I would get a pleasent reaction from a man if I called him pretty. Eh. Whatever. I’d take it as, I’m beautiful AND I kick ass.
Yes, definitely a compliment
Audra´s last post…Busy little girl!!
I totally knew if it came from someone that was older, that it was indeed, a complement. And I would have taken it that way. But, I also watch period dramas, so I already knew that it was meant as such.
I myself always thought that the term “handsome woman” was either a nice way of saying unattractive or a way of calling a woman manly. Glad to see that isn’t what it’s supposed to mean, being as she is neither.
Wow…handsome wife…maybe if my husband telling me lately like that i would be hurt…BUT now i know the real meaning…i am happy if he called me i’m a HANDSOME WIFE
lucky´s last post…Oshawa
I was gonna e-smack you both before I read the rest of the entry. Maybe it’s just me and my fondness for movies and literature of my grandparents’ generation, but I have always aspired to handsomeness. Pretty is superficial…handsome is deeper. That’s why I rarely describe men as handsome, myself. Y’all don’t get to have it until you’ve got that extra something.
Hi! I was searching the web for a “proper” translation or rather explaination (I am from Germany) for “handsome” because I was called it lately by someone whose opinion is very important for me (she is a woman of 40, I am woman in my thirties). It had to be positive but I wanted to know more about it. I quite enjoyed your post(s) and can only conclude two things: There is obviously no translation like there is no synonym. When you are called “handsome”, then that might be it and no other word come close. It is a good thing to have a word like this. And secondly, from a linguistical outside and also called handsome I have to say: It is a very flattering thing to say to a woman.
Thanks!