I’m Rich, Suckers! (Updated Again 4/16!)

Update #1: He replied!     Update #2: He submitted proof!

I was just notified that my good buddy, Juriaan Kugger, left me $30,100,000 in his will.

I had no idea he was even ill but his demise couldn’t come at a better time. I’ve had my eye on a new porch swing and this kind of scratch could really help put me over the top.

The details are a bit sketchy right now but I think all I have to do is email this guy my address and await my check. We’ll see what comes of it as I’ve emailed to ask about the next steps.

Now before you start yapping about how it’s probably a scam, understand that this isn’t your run-of-the-mill lottery email or some plea from a widowed philanthropist anxious to rid herself of her fortune. This is from someone’s WILL. Who ever heard of a will being a scam?

To be honest, I was a little leery until I came across this caption in Barrister Andreaw’s email:

This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true.

Ka-ching!

As well, I believe the law of averages and percentages are with me. Consider this: The odds of winning a lottery? 1 in 72,000,000. Odds of dying? 1 in 1. It seems far more plausible that someone died versus me winning a lottery I never entered.

If you don’t know who Juriaan is, join the club. Apparently, I did something nice for the guy and he remembered me. According to the email, Juriaan was a member of the “Helicopter Society and the Institute of Electronic & Electrical Engineers,” so it’s completely logical that our paths would cross considering my affection for electronics.

Allow me to share the tidings of my good fortune:

————

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr. Juriaan Kugger. I once again try to notify you as my earlier letters were returned undelivered.

I wish to notify you that the late Engr. Juriaan Kugger made you a beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of Thirty Million, One Hundred Thousand Dollars (USD$30,100.000.00) to you in the Codicil and last testament to his WILL.

This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good.

Engr. Juriaan Kugger until his death was a member of the Helicopter Society and the Institute of Electronic & Electrical Engineers. Please if I reach you as I am hopeful, Endeavours to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job.

You are advice to contact me with my personal email. I await your prompt response.

Yours in Service,

BARRISTER ANDREAW FRASER ESQ.

————

Before all the envious haters come out of the woodwork to scream “scam” in an attempt to keep me from my millions, allow me to ask you this: If it’s such a scam, then how did he know to email ME?

Furthermore, would he have bothered to send me personal letters via postal mail if it wasn’t for real? It’s not his fault they never arrived. Add in the fact that the email originated in England, and not Nigeria, and I think it’s safe to say that you lose and I #win.

In an effort to push the process along I emailed the revered barrister, Andreaw Fraser, ESQ to ask what the next steps are. I’m not sure how long it takes to get cash from England to the USA but I’m patient. I’ll tell you this though. If it arrives before I depart for the EVO Conference, I might just BUY Utah and throw the biggest party on the planet.

I hope you’ll be there, ‘cuz G-Zizzle is gonna make it rain!

————

(Oh, by the way, for anonymity purposes I changed my name to Ian Krountz. It just sounded like the kind of guy Juriaan would be friends with.)

Hello, I received your email and while I did know a Julian Kugger, I am not familiar with anyone by the name of Juriaan. That makes me a little leery but the name is close enough to where I’m curious.

I can probably explain why earlier letters would have been returned as we recently moved so it’s possible that the letters will arrive eventually. Sorry for the hassle!

If it is the same Julian that I met while traveling in early 2008 then I’d be interested in talking further. However, with so many scams on the internet I’d need to be assured that this is legitimate.

Right now, it seems too factual to be fake. Kugger isn’t a common last name and I did meet a Julian Kugger. I had no idea he was interested in helicopters but we’d only met in passing. Not exactly the kind of thing you’d talk about after just meeting.

I’m stunned to hear that he was wealthy because, quite frankly, and with all due respect, he dressed like a bum.

Anyhow, if this is for real, I’ll need assurances, but I’d be very interested in learning more because I feel my kindness is well worth $31 million. I’m nice to people around here all the time and don’t get jack.

Respectfully yours,

Ian Krountz

—————

Barrister Andreaw Fraser Has Replied!
I’m hoping I can get one more reply to gain some trust so I can really start to turn the screws.

(his email snippets are highlighted, mine are baiting)

Hello, I’m in response of your email and thank you for the instructions. However, as you said, you want to make sure you have the right person and I want to make sure it’s the same Juriaan (or Julian) Kugger that I met before I send you my details. I appreciate you working with me on this.

To reply to your email, you wrote:

We want to acknowledge the receipt of your email in this chamber and also want you to know that you have absolute right to reject this WILL as much as you have the right to accept it as well. If you wish to turn it down then let me know so I can send you a WILL rejection form to fill and revert back to this office.

…Before I decide on whether or not to reject the WILL, can I please confirm that it’s $30,100,000 as stated in your original email? Not sure I’m willing to go through this kind of hassle for less.

I can imagine that the late Engr. Juriaan Kugger must have known that you will put the money to good use for the less privileged of which he was aware that you can achieve, that is why he selected you.

…While I don’t mind setting aside some of the funds for the less privileged, I planned on using the bulk of the funds to embark on a tawdry and ostentatious lifestyle. If this is in violation of the WILL’s conditions, please forward the rejection form as I hardly think benevolency could be nearly as personally rewarding.

Be further informed that these funds will not be released to you without some proper identification. I have never met you before like I said and to be able to carry out our duties effectively as sole executors of the WILL of late Engr. Juriaan Kugger, We must be convinced that you are who the testament says you are.

…I understand how the faceless Internet environment can make people think they’re being scammed but I thought we had a level trust between each other after our previous email. Not sure I appreciate being told that I’m not who you say I am.

And please re-confirm to us through the above stated fax or via email, your full contact details to include your full name, address, telephone, fax number (if any) with a copy of your IDENTITY send via email attachment to my office and if you have moved to a new address then indicate both the new and old one for my verification with what I have in my file. Any difference or discrepancies in the information provided by you will mean that I am contacting the wrong person and I will stop all communication with you out rightly.

…I will provide my name and address below but I do not want to send a scan of my identification until you confirm by email that I am the name in your file. No doubt you probably have a lot of people trying to scam you for the inheritance so I want to make sure I’m on the up and up.

Ian Krountz
54 Butternut Way
Bridgewater, MA 02324

If this matches your records then we can proceed. I have a Driver’s License for this address as well as the prior address that you probably sent the original letters to. I’m assuming a driver’s license is enough? Or do I need a second form of ID such as a credit card or social security card (I am a U.S. citizen).

Your information would be taken to the probate division of the International Court of Justice for verification… After the confirmation, the probate division would now release your letter of administration for claims to these bequest/funds. This document as well as the Certificate of Deposit issued by the Deposit Bank to Engr. Juriaan Kugger when the funds were deposited by him will then be released to you, this will give you the legal backing of receiving these funds.

…Sounds legalish enough for me to feel comfortable. But just FYI, I already had my probate checked and was told I’m free and clear of any issues. I’m sure the ICJ will confirm the same (assuming the records were transferred).

Note: We are not demanding any money of form of payment from you for service , we have been fully paid by my late client and all we need is to comply with our directives to make sure your funds are fully transferred.

…I appreciate you not asking for money as that’s usually indicative of a scam. That’s why I feel like this has to be real. I just want to make sure Julian and Juriaan are one in the same before I get too excited. I also need to make sure it’s me in your files. Otherwise, we’re two hounds barking up the wrong tree (to quote one of Juriaan’s favorite sayings). But I don’t have to tell you that.

Just so you are aware, even though you’ve already been paid by Mr. Kugger, I’m totally going to hook you up with a little bonus once we’re done with probate. Just as I did after my exam.

Yours in trust,

Ian K.

—————

I now have proof that I’m a beneficiary!
While it took Barrister Andreaw Fraser a few days to respond to my email above, he has now submitted a copy of the Will to prove that my alter ego, Ian Krountz, is indeed a beneficiary. Apparently, my ‘probate exam’ comment didn’t scare him off.

Click on an image to enlarge (opens new window)

   

We’re going to up the ante this time around and see if I can’t get just one more reply. It’s important to make these scammers believe that you are blinded by faith and greed. The more sappy or religious they perceive you, the better. They salivate when victims start talking about how ‘blessed’ they feel. So why not whet his appetite a little?

—————

(his email snippets are highlighted)

Dear Mr. Fraser,

I am so thankful to have received your email as the copy of the WILL proves that I am indeed blessed.

As a retired Naval officer with 7 children and a deceased wife, I had long relied on a governess from Austria to assist. At first, the hills were alive with the sound of music, but over time, her incessant singing drove me to the point where I needed to get her deported. Only I couldn’t afford it. I prayed for the means to have this done and it appears the good Lord has answered.

There are only a few favorite things that I like better than financial security, such as, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, and brown paper packages tied up with strings. These are a few of my favorite things. And now, thanks to your benevolency, I can purchase all I wish.

I’m not too sure what to provide next so allow me to reply to your email. Once again, I cannot thank you enough for your kindness, your patience, and your obvious commitment to your client.

We have attached a copy of the WILL of Late Engr. Juriaan kugger as proof of you being one of his beneficiaries. It will interest you to know that we have cross checked the information you sent (your name) and they actually tallied with what we have in our records.

…This is just amazing news! Thank you so much for taking the time to cross-check the information. No doubt it put a strain on you but your willingness to help confirm the details means so much to me. You seem to be a man of honor.

You are the beneficiary of this WILL therefore, we require that you send to us a scanned copy of your identification document (International Passport, Driver’s License, or Identity Card) to enable us to allow the release of the total funds to you by the bank.

…Sounds easy enough. Please note that my Passport was confiscated after a recent felony conviction but I did scan a copy of my driver’s license as requested for proper verification.

…I apologize for my demeanor in the photo but if you ever visit a Department of Motor Vehicles here in the States, you’ll understand. I think they get paid extra if they’re in a bad mood and I swear there’s a chart in the back room that tracks how many times they’ve sent someone to the back of the line for filling out the wrong form.

You will be expected to contact the bank with the Probate order document issued by the Royal Court of Justice London for the immediate release of your funds without any further delay. The probate order will be sent to you via email attachment when obtained from the Royal Court of Justice.

…Understood, but I have no idea how to even contact the bank. I trust you’ll provide that information? I called a few banks around here about our arrangement and they suggested I contact a social worker. One also suggested medication but I’ve made the prudent decision to await my funds before hitting the dealers. After all, rich people can get the good stuff, am I right? As Kugger liked to say, “Leave the Borax to the impoverished.”

We want to use this opportunity to remind of the reason why my late client left this fund in your care and that is, to carry out humanitarian services to assist the poor and needy in the society. You may wish to set up a charity foundation or organization in the name of my late client to help the less privileged in the United States. I sincerely believe you will do just that as he stated in the WILL.

…This is where we may have a problem and I need to confirm something before accepting these funds. Is there an amount that I’m required to set aside for humanitarian services? The less fortunate get all kinds of help already so I’m hesitant to have even more good deeds negatively impact my debaucherous lifestyle.

Would setting aside $1,000,000 for the Krountz/Zoolander Center For Children Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too be considered generous enough? Please confirm before we proceed.

Aside from the above, I did have a few concerns regarding the WILL itself. In particular, Section #4, which reads:

I was stunned to see him disclose his cross-dressing interest in the WILL as I was led to believe that it would remain a private endeavor.

Furthermore, I noticed that I am being awarded 11% of the account’s funds while 29% is being earmarked for a Home for handicapped children in the Netherlands. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but does it really cost $79 million to build a house with some ramps? I believe Juriaan was grossly misled about the costs of new construction in the Netherlands and feel this is severely impacting my inheritance. To be honest, $30 million seemed like a lot of money until I saw what they were getting. All I ask is that the WILL’s disbursement be fair because I feel I’ve earned it.

Please reply to me at your earliest convenience on the above concerns so that we can proceed.

To sum up my requests:

1. Will you be providing me with the bank’s contact information?

2. Is setting aside $1,000,000 enough for charity? This would only leave $29,100,000 for me pre-tax.

3. Do you agree that handicapped children could get by just fine in a house that costs less than $79 million? Having made you aware of this oversight, will this up my portion at all?

Your quick reply will ensure that we can move forward immediately.

Yours in gullible travels,

Ian