SUBSCRIBE VIA RSSOne of the things I think I’d love best about the good ol’ days, if I could go back in time, is the fact that children never threw temper tantrums.
Back then, it was all sunshine and rainbows. Children wanted for nothing, but even if they did and were subsequently denied, they’d politely say, “Okay, mommy. It’s probably for the best,” and then sit quietly with their hands folded until Mr. Cleaver returned home for supper.
I can only surmise this to be true after my wife was berated and all but accused of child abuse by a 70+ year old woman in the Wal-Mart parking lot today following yet another world class freakout by our 3-year old daughter, Kamryn.
Like most toddlers, our daughter strives for independence in a world clearly unable to provide it. This frustrates her to the point where the denial of any tangible object or life experience results in blood-curdling screams and exorcism-like behavior. We tell her to be patient but her brain is incapable, or perhaps unwilling, to process the request.
It’s an obvious fact that children aren’t born with the capability to be patient, to share, or to wait their turn. It’s a skill and restrained behavior that must be taught. On a scale from 1 to 100, with 100 being reserved for Mother Theresa and kindergarten teachers, babies are born at a 0. As evidenced by the incessant crying upon womb exit when they realize they’re being denied car keys.
However, with proper nurturing and daily parental involvement, children can be taught the virtues of patience. In fact, if parents set aside a mere 16 hours a day over a two-year span, their child’s patience index can soar to a 0.2, which is only 19.8 percentage points lower than the peer equivalent of a NYC taxicab driver upon a light change. And only .3 percentage points away from the peer equivalent of adolescence.
When Kamryn wants something and is denied by one of her handlers, her brain arrives at a fork in the behavioral road. Veer left and she’ll collapse to the floor in a limp but unliftable inconsolable heap of tears. Veer right and she’ll do the exact same thing, only now, she’ll channel her inner-Kraken. A choice often accompanied by property damage or the repeated exclamation that she hates everything from food to socks to us.
Undeniable proof that looks can be deceiving.
There are really only three occasions when Kamryn faces these bouts of Toddler Rage.
1) If her brother is within driving distance of a toy she forgot she owned.
The best way to revive our daughter’s interest in a toy is to let her brother touch it or look in its general direction. It could be curdled slug vomit and she’ll scream that she “needs it” if her brother dares express any interest in its existence.
2) If she is denied, well, anything.
Kamryn’s threshold for property denial can be measured in fractions of nanoseconds. In the time it takes a gnat to flap a wing, she can go from happy-go-lucky Kamryn to why-did-we-have-one-more-child Kamryn. As small as she is, her tiny little arms can never be too full.
3) If I leave the house or car without her.
This usually delivers the harshest degree of backlash and it’s actually what led to today’s dramatic excitement outside Wal-Mart.
Typically I have no problem taking her with me when I run errands. While I know she’s only going because she hates to pass up any opportunity to possibly beg for toys and candy, I love being with her before and after the imminent meltdown. But today, I had to run into the bank and only had six minutes until they closed. As I hopped out of the car, Kamryn let out a banshee-like scream and started pounding on the window as I walked away.
Even though she was surrounded by mommy and her two brothers, all she saw was daddy denying her company. She freaked out. She cried and kicked and screamed and cried and bucked wildly trying to escape her car seat. Kind of like Houdini defying the chains of doom had he been a spastic frenzied toddler.
While I was inside, Heather noticed an old woman circling our van. She peered inside and then walked to the back, jotting down what Heather thought might be our license plate number. She then walked to the front of our van and scribbled down some more details.
Concerned about what this woman was doing, Heather approached her and said, “Hello, can I help you with something?”
“No!,” the woman hastily snapped back, “Can I help YOU with something?”
She peered over Heather’s shoulders to the van and Heather assumed it had to be about Kamryn’s antics.
“If you’re referring to our daughter, my husband had to go into the bank and she didn’t like that he went without her.”
The woman folded the piece of paper mumbling something about having seen enough of this kind of treatment and tucked it into her purse saying, “Well, I’m always seeing your van all up and down Cayuga Street. What do you do anyway? Why are you out so much? Are you a delivery person or something?”
Blindsided but ever-friendly, Heather explained that we live off of Cayuga Street, that we have three children who attend three different schools, and that she’s always out and about because of her duties at the elementary school.
“What school is that?,” she barked.
When Heather replied, she unfolded her paper and jotted more notes. She said, “Excuse me,” and shut the door on Heather. She backed out of her spot, wheeled around to our lane, and slowed just behind the van. After another 30 seconds, she sped off.
When I returned to the van, Heather was visibly shaken. Andrew, Michael, and her explained all that went down and Heather was certain that the police were on their way.
“For what?,” I said, “Having a toddler who’s displeased? If that’s a crime, parents everywhere are screwed.”
“Greg, this is serious. Don’t make it funny.”
“But it IS funny, sweetheart. She’s obviously some kook. Even if she did call the police, what is she going to say?”
“You read stories all the time about innocent people losing their children.”
“Honey, seriously. If temper tantrums were a punishable offense against parents, the world would be full of orphans.”
Heather was and still is worried. She’s worried that the police are going to show up, or worse yet, that some CPS representative is going to show up at our front door. And you know what? They very well may. Who knows what this woman will say to make sure her story warrants attention.
Truth is, everyone was in their respective seats with their seatbelts on. Kamryn was having her illustrious meltdown while everyone else just let her burn off steam. It’s not like this woman witnessed Heather giving Kamryn a beatdown or even interacting with her. It was simply a matter of waiting out the storm by reading, texting, and listening to the radio. If that’s a crime, lock me up, because the only other alternative is coddling to her.
At first, I was furious with this woman. Furious at the premise that she was going to report Heather for something so innocuous. But then I began to think that I’d never want anyone to shy away from reporting what they felt might be a child in danger. Having been through a devastating family loss at the hands of abuse, Heather knows all too well the kind of pain that a failed system can yield.
Still, this particular situation should have been obvious. I don’t mind a curious eye but to treat Heather this way when it was clearly nothing more than a temper tantrum was out of line. To scribble down notes and shut the door on Heather was just as rude as it was silly.
I hope for Heather’s sake that this woman comes to her senses because I know she’ll completely break down if anyone shows up to question the love, devotion, and rabid protective nature she has for her children. I really wish I had returned to the car sooner.
I don’t know how much time this woman has on her hands but I’d love to know 1) why she interrogated Heather about what she does for a living and how it’s even relevant; 2) how she knows we drive “all up and down Cayuga Street”; and 3) how she can immediately equate a child’s unhappy cries with abuse.
Alas, she was gone when I returned. Probably out reporting the harrowing case of First Degree Tantrum Inducement to anyone who will listen. I can’t imagine this going anywhere but I do know CPS is required to at least investigate reports. It’s just such a non-event that I hope a literal mountain isn’t made out of a literal molehill.
But if it is, parents everywhere need to be forewarned:
Give in to your child’s demands now! Don’t wait for the authorities to intervene. Placate them at all costs. For only with spoiled entitled children can we as parents be safe from the suspicious eyes of others and the misled clutches of justice. If you hear so much as a whimper, CAVE! Fold like Origami. Your freedom and your peace of mind may very well depend on it.
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UGH, I’m sorry that happened, Greg. My daughter threw tantrums so loudly that it is almost surprising no one ever called! I got very good at walking over flailing limbs. We paid our dues because our son cruised through the toddler years with hardly a whimper. He just smiled and charmed the heck out of everyone.
Good grief. Your daughter has an excuse for her behavior – her age. That nosy bat has none.
Its a sad indictment on society today that a parent NOT giving into a childs natural acting out is made to feel as though they may get into some serious trouble – by a woman who sounds like a kook no less!
The fact that she knew your car and mentioned it was weird, I’d consider reporting her for stalking or just-plain-weirdness. I wonder if more people reported weirdness if the weird people would just all stay home and give the rest of us some sweet relief?
Tell your wife she is awesome and the worlds gone to hell in a hand basket.
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I think it’s a little bit strange this woman (kook) knows your vehicle and where it travels. I think I’d be into reporting that, much like stalking, if she even tried to breathe again in your general direction. I hope Heather is doing ok, I know how unsettled she must feel, at being threatened like that. Don’t mess with a mama bear & her cubs!
I agree! She knows entirely too much about you guys, and it’s just weird!
I guarantee you she was one of those people who has no children, but wants to tell everyone else how to raise theirs.
Heather has truly proved she has the patience of a saint because I’d have told that woman, out of the bat-sonar-type hearing of the children, that I owe her no answers to her questions and she can go straight to Hell. Furthermore, I’d have written down HER license number and called the police because of her behavior and line of questionning. I’d consider it an indirect threat, even if it is from an older lady. Who’s to say since she now knows you live on Cayuga street and routinely has that much time on her hands, she might start doing drive-by’s to see what else she can find on your family to “report” to the police. And, I would almost guarantee you, the police are already keenly aware of her existence because this isn’t the first time she’s played CPS: NY. What a miserable mothball.
I’m not sure how I feel about this old lady. One the one hand, she’s a nosy buttinsky who should keep her nose in her own business. On the other hand, she’s concerned enough to keep her eyes open and brave enough to speak up when she thinks abuse is happening. I know it’s scary to think she could report you for something you didn’t do……..but is it any less scary to think she could have just walked on by while a small child was being hurt? Tough one.
Yeah, this is what I mentioned in my post. That we wouldn’t want someone to ignore what they felt was abuse. But, after the woman peered in our windows and saw everyone seated while Kamryn was throwing her fit, it shouldn’t have elevated to writing down personal information. She shouldn’t have asked all these goofy questions that had no relevance and mention how she’s seen Heather drive up and down the street. Asking her what she does, why she’s out all the time, etc. is just weird.
I totally agree that people should step in if they feel a child is being abused, but I feel they should witness more than a crying child before taking that step. It’s a BIG accusation and there was nothing beyond Kamryn’s tears that could have been construed as anything serious. Yet even after witnessing nothing but a seated mom, a crying todder, and a calm explanation, she scribbled down our details and slammed her door on Heather.
I dunno, as much as I want people to report suspected abuse, there is a line that needs to be crossed before making a sweeping perception. And a crying child isn’t it.
I agree Greg. People have to use some common sense. It’s totally out of line what she did with the questioning etc.
Playing a little Devil’s advocate here, Greg, and as the daughter of a man with advanced Alzheimer’s…let me just say that the behavior by the 70-yr. old could, indeed, represent some form of cognitive impairment. If this is the case, then this is not the first time she’s confronted someone and likely not the first time she’s made a report to authorities who will, in all likelihood, give it the *attention* it deserves.
That said, most CPS workers aren’t completely stupid and five minutes of investigation will find Ms. Busybody’s allegations completely false.
My greater concern is Heather’s well-being. This brought up some horrible memories and feelings for her. Be kind, be gentle and be there….maybe with a little less laughter for now.
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Heather doesn’t care if the CPS worker realizes this after 5 seconds. She doesn’t even feel a report is warranted. They could be spending time on genuine complaints that had even a shred of evidence that something was wrong. All we had was a crying child. That’s it.
Yikes! Didn’t mean to strike a nerve, I’m just sayin’ the little old lady may have a reason for being batty.
You needn’t be defensive about it, because I sure wasn’t trying to be offensive, Greg.
awesomesauciness´s last post…I Haven’t Done This In A While…
Defensive? Heck no. I think you’re misreading me.
I was just saying that there should have been more evidence for that woman to make such a scene out of it. We don’t want time that could be spent on real cases to be wasted on stuff like this. I get your point that perhaps she had some cognitive impairment but she seemed to have her wits about her. Plus, she’s spry enough to recognize our van coming and going. 
Fair enough.
awesomesauciness´s last post…I Haven’t Done This In A While…
“she’ll channel her inner-Kraken”
That’s the perfect visual! Thank you for the morning laugh!
Having “been there, done that” I can completely sympathize with you two,
and I am sure there are more parents out there who are watching Kamryn and saying the same thing.
I had someone call CPS on me when my 3 yr old left the house at 3am sleep-walking.
I spent all weekend agonizing over that dreaded phone call. She called, got my version (sleep-walking child), asked what I had done to fix the situation (top of the door locks), end of phone call, except for a few antidotes about things that had happened to HER!!!
I now have a shirt that says “Back OFF, I have had CPS called on me”
I hope Heather finds some peace in knowing that you two are doing the right thing.
Thanks for sharing, I am glad I found out about you from The Bloggess
Kathryn
Thrushiebaby- Twitter
Nothing like a nosey neighbor. Or lady in the parking lot.
You could always jump the gun and report HER for skulking around your vehicle, jotting down information and harassing your family. For all you know, she’s an internet scholar and is looking you up now and will next be peering through the bushes and through your living room windows.
Highly unlikely. I know.
I’d be willing to bet the next dog not on a leash caught her attention and she’s moved on to harassing that family.
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Wow. Just. Wow. Heather? You truly are amazing for indulging that crazy woman the way you did and not getting HER information, just in case she further harasses you.
I had an incident last Spring that in no way competes with this one, but bears some similarity. I was shopping for a swimsuit in a nearby department store with my 3-year old. Rather than have her in a stroller, which by that time was akin to torture, I allowed her to skip, hop and cavort nearby as I dug through the racks looking for something that wouldn’t make me feel like a whale. She was weaving under and around nearby racks, in my sight for the most part.
A woman, probably about the same age as your crazy weirdo approached me with a stern look on her face, “Ma’am. Is that your daughter under that rack behind you?” I looked behind me. “Yes.”
“She should be in a stroller. Children should not be able to dash about the store like that.”
“Thank you for your concern, but she’s beyond the stroller.”
“You are a neglectful mother, young woman. That child will become a hellion without appropriate discipline.”
And off she went. Before I could even close my mouth that had fallen agape. I wanted to run after her and say, “How DARE you judge me? You don’t know me! You don’t know that my kid went from a house with a huge back yard to being cooped up in 950 square feet of an apartment with no green grass nearby. Of course she’s cavorting, but she’s not hurting you or anyone else.” I settled for muttering a nasty name under my breath and dragging my child to the dressing room.
The sad part? That old biddy had me so paranoid that I forced my kid into her stroller for about another 3 months, until I got over the incident. I don’t know why people feel like they can dish out these kinds of unkind, horrible insights, but it seems to happen from the minute your pregnant belly pokes out from your shirt conspicuously and continues as you raise your children. And of course, if we actually politely said, “Thank you for your concern, please mind your own business,” we’d be the jerks in the situation, right?
I know exactly how you must have felt when she said that. She’s lucky she doesn’t shop around us because Kamryn sounds a lot like your 3-year old at the time.
I’m not sure what I would say in that same situation but it would most certainly be sarcastic.
I wished I had been able to be sarcastic in that moment. Sadly, I’m the kind that comes up with all kinds of things to say 30 seconds after the opportunity passes.
And yes, after reading about Kamryn here, I have to tell you, our girls would be best buddies. They are two peas in a pod. (And thanks to you, I have prevented plastic whistles from entering my abode…)
This woman clearly went beyond the “dutiful citizen” routine and crossed over to “badgering, antagonzing busy-body”. It’s one thing to keep your eyes open and stand up to apparent abuse and another to elevate a situation way beyond what it was. If she was sincerely concerned with what might be child abuse, she should have been able to see that the situation in your van was exactly the opposite of that. Instead of getting frustrated and overreacting to Kamryn’s tantrum, your wife did whatever she could to maintain the peace and let her get it out of her system without 1) sinking to her level or 2) giving in to her demands.
I work for the state disability office here in Florida and we see a lot of reported child abuse and it’s always disheartening to see the complaints that are clearly NOT abuse and were exaggerated for some desired outcome. This takes away time, resources, money, etc away from children who DO need help and who are actually being abused. Perhaps that woman should spend a little less time inventing drama and a little more time educating herself if she truly wants to help.
Heather is so great! I mean you can just see in the pictures you post of your family that you are all happy, fun loving family! I understand the warrent to report some people for how they treat their children, but that old lady just sounds a bit weird. I would have written down HER information. I know for a fact that if someone came up to my car and started writing things down I would be pretty creeped out. You never know what exactly she was writing down…
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I love your blog. I’ve been a silent reader for a while just enjoying your entertaining entries (mostly at work — shhhhh) but this one made me want to comment. I sort of agree with Lynne above. Your wife has admirable patience for indulging this woman, but really, I don’t think she should’ve even given up that you live on that particular street or where the kids go to school or what she does. I know she was probably flustered by sweet Kamryn’s antics and caught off guard by Old Fart’s questions, but abuser or not, Heather didn’t owe Old Fart answers to anything.
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Watch episode # 7 (The Scratch) of the sitcom The Middle. The details of the report to Children’s Services were different but nonetheless will make you laugh and hopefully feel a little better.
Having a 7 year old that can throw straitjacket worthy tantrums just because the wind blew a different direction than she wanted it to, I understand and empathize with you. I am sure that CPS, if they do get involved will see the whole thing for what it is, a toddler being a toddler.
If a child having a tantrum is akin to child abuse, then I should have been locked up years ago. My Ro has them daily — and she’s SIX, so don’t look for them to end with Kamryn any time soon — she had one yesterday in class during journal time because her teacher didn’t giver her a band-aid and a hug for the scab she picked, but rather just a wet paper towel.
I’ve been told they tend to grow out of this — at least partially — by age 25. One can only hope.
Back to the whole CPS thing…I live in SoCal, the undisputed capital of touchy-feely-can’t-discipline-your-kids-or-you’ll-go-to-jail-land. Parents here think EVERY child should get an award just for showing up; that “you won by just participating” and that there are no losers. This is breeding a whole generation of entitled, don’t understand how to lose kids who will never be able to function properly in the real world — and no one has called CPS on me when I discipline The Diva in public or just let her have her meltdowns.
Heather needs to stop worrying. You both seem like great parents and even if someone DID come to your house, they would see that immediately. Someone actually did call CPS on me when Ro was a baby with some vague accusation of her being underweight and abused. They came to my house — a social worker and a nurse — and found NOTHING wrong. Told us we were great parents and doing everything right. Ro was underweight, but she nearly died at birth and had an undiagnosed bladder infection causing her not to gain weight at the rate she should. But we were on top of that already. Our pediatrician even called the social worker and told them they had “nothing to worry about with these parents”.
Did it scare the hell out of me when they showed up at my door? YEP. Am I still pissed about it? YEP.
But I knew that I had nothing wrong. Heather did nothing wrong. That old lady has nothing better to do then to get into other people’s business. I’ll bet if you ask around, you’ll find out she’s the town busy-body. Or she’s nuckin-futz. Maybe she also lives on your street, which is why she sees your van so much?
One time, about three years ago, we pulled up to Target and saw a woman beating her teenager in the parking stall in front of us. Now it wasn’t fists flying, but she was holding one of the girl’s arms in one hand and smacking the crap out of her with the other. Another woman came up & started yelling at the mother to stop or she was going to call the police. The mom yelled back “You don’t know what’s going on. Mind your own business”. Of course that infuriated the busy-body.
And low-and-behold there was a Sheriff’s car parked right in front of Target. Busy body tells the Deputy. Deputy replies, “That girl was arrested for shoplifting and her mother had to come here to get her. I think a good ass-whuppin’ is in order.” Well, the lady shut right up. The moral is: unless you know the whole story, don’t make assumptions because, you guessed it, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.
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Sounds like a crazy old hag with way too much time on her hands. I hope nothing comes of it as well. The police likely already have a file on her lunacy – she’s not the only one.
You forgot the other alternative to placating the kids at all cost: Never leave home and keep them sedated! Don’t forget, this woman had some problem with the fact that you drive up and down Cayuga Street. Surely we must not come and go freely from our homes. Cayuga Street is her territory. Smells like a gang war.
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I would at least look into it if I saw/heard a child in distress as well….can’t hardly blame her for that. And I would imagine she mentioned seeing the van a lot because she was thinking someone in the van had snatched this poor child off of the street and now the child was screaming for her parents. Hard to know what is going through the mind of someone who is very upset and means well. Maybe in her mind the van was cruising for children. She may have a mental disease. If I were Heather, I would be upset as well. I would write down everything I remember about the encounter and if the authorities show up, just calmly relate what happened. As another reader mentioned, they will be able to sort it out easily.
Wow. Good thing crazy nut-bag lady wasn’t around when I was a child, because I distinctly remember getting the mother of all spankings in a parking lot. It was well known in our household that if you acted up in the store, you got taken to the parking lot for the beating.
I have a great-aunt who’s favorite pastime is spying on her neighbors. She jots down information to relay to family members who come to visit. She has never called the police; just complains to us. Hopefully this lady falls into that category as well.
LeeAnn’s comment reminded me of the time that my mother, who took care of my nieces while my sister was at work, had a doctor’s appointment and left my niece with my father. Obviously, Kaitlyn knew my dad; she spent every day with him, but she was 3, and didn’t want Nana to leave her. So my father was trying to bribe her into good behavior by taking her to McDonald’s. While sitting in the restaurant, Kaitlyn completely lost it and started screaming, “I want my Nana! You took me from my Nana!” Talk about a time for someone to call the cops! Fortunately, no one did.
Long story short, I hope nothing comes of this and you and Heather can rest easy knowing she was just a nosy busybody.
That woman certainly seems nosy. Hopefully, nothing will come of it, though.
I used to work retail, and it would be funny how often a customer in line would comment about an action a parent in front of them took with their child. The thing is, they may have walked up as the parent took action to resolve a situation, but they did not witness the 5 minutes before when the parent repeatedly told the child not to do something. Sometimes, people just need to mind their own business.
I know a few weeks ago, I wrote on my blog about a scene I witnessed where a father caused a tantrum (which he later abated). But I never even considered calling authorities. As a parent myself, I understood what the parent was trying to do, even if I disagreed with his methods.
Some people just have too rosy a view of things, and need to remember that they were once just like your little girl. Then, they might have a little more patience and understanding.
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I work in close quarters with CPS here in our county. They have, I believe, a small window of time to investigate reports. So if you should hear anything, it will within 24 hours. I’m sure though that this one will be an eye roller for them!
A couple of years ago as an employee for the county social services we all had to take a course about being a “mandated reporter”, and I decided then and there I am NOT reporting some of the stuff they said we should because most of it is bull. Give me a break. It will have to be something life threatening or emotionally traumatic to make me turn someone in to CPS. It feels like we are not allowed to parent anymore without big brother looking over our shoulders.
Several years ago, I got turned in because I yelled at a child who was worse than Kamryn or my granddaughter (who I think birthed your child even though she’s only 8 ) ever thought of being. Anyhow, he had found a red permanent marker and very quietly wrote all over himself, the walls and my furniture, this occurring after day of numerous other incidents of fits and anger and breakages and hurting others. I yelled, scrubbed him clean, and put him in time out. Forgive me. I was cleared of course. The boy still loved me as demonstrated by cuddling and chatting up the investigator. But it made me paranoid for a long time and made me doubt myself. It hurt a lot to have someone think I would abuse a kid since I was abused myself. Crazy stuff.
Big hugs Heather. Don’t let that nosy overbearing lady take your power from you. Don’t hand her your feelings to crush. She’s not worth it. Stay strong should CPS show up and be your normal, loving self. Definitely do not be defensive or argumentative or unpleasant (not that I think you would!), that sends up flags. But they aren’t gonna bother anyhow, they have real cases to worry about!
So sorry you had to go through this.
I was shopping one day with all five of my kids who at the time I believe were 5, 3, 1 and two newborns. It was one of those “I just have to get out of this house or I’ll kill someone” kind of days. I kept running into this older lady around Walmart. After the first couple of times I started to get creeped out. Finally, on about the fourth time she stopped me. I girded myself for whatever she was going to say. I was used to the busybodies around me by this point. She put her hand gently on my hand and complimented me on how patient I had been with my kids and that she could tell I loved them very much. I had no clue what to say except thank you. I went home and cried!
What your wife did was hard. It is hard to let our kids learn the lesson she taught. So here’s my best “little old lady in Walmart” impersonation. Heather, you are a very patient Mom. I can tell that you love your children very much and want them to grow up to be adults who don’t believe everything will be given to them because they have a hissy fit. God has blessed your children very much.
I need a “like” button for this post.
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Seriously what is wrong with people?! I’d be just as upset as Heather is. To insinuate (without proper evidence) that she’s abusing her daughter crosses a line. CPS did show up at a blogger’s house a few months back for a bogus claim: http://www.blogher.com/consequences
What really kills me is the fact that resources are taken away from a child who truly needs help because of frivolous cases like the one I linked to and yours.
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It sounds like that woman has too much time on her hands.
Is her name Mrs Kravitz?
Having been the victim of a life changing encounter with the Department of Human Services, I completly understand Heather’s fear. The pit she probably has in her stomach is extremely understandable and well-rooted. I also agree that if CPS shows up on your door, then at least you can sleep well knowing that they are doing their job.
Here’s a tip, though: they do make mountains out of molehills. Daily. Unless they have a search warrant, they cannot legally enter your house without your permission, regardless of what they say. Unless they see something that warrants obtaining a search warrant, ie, a bruised child, someone screaming in the background, or bloody knives on the counter behind you, etc, they cannot get one. They need probable cause, but they may try to tell you otherwise. If they want to talk to you, you step out on the porch and shut the door behind you. Whatever you do, don’t let them in the house. If you do, they may see something innocuous, like a pile of laundry or dishes in the sink and take that information back to their office and make a case against you.
I understand that this sounds extreme, but having been on the inside, it happens more often than you know. I have NO doubt that you guys are a set of the some of the best parents out there and it would be devestating for some old hag to upset that precious family of yours!
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Glad I’m not the only one going through this with a three-year-old (my first). Today while we were shopping he screamed at me “I AM NOT BEING NAUGHTY!”, to which a fellow shopper replied “Um, I think you are.” I thought two was supposed to be the bad year.
I went through this with my son when he was little. He has a social autism that causes him to freak out in public places. Every little thing could set him off and I got very used to explaining things to Nosy Nellies. I even had a neighbor call 911 because they thought for sure I was beating the child.
Heather, you are a saint to deal with the busybody the way you did! From what I read, you are also the best of mothers.
Sad that precious resources may be wasted when there are real cases that need them more than this. Makes me wonder what is wrong with some people!
I don’t know if I would have been mad or amused. Most likely irritated. When my six year old doesn’t get her way, she can scream an ear piercing shrill that will make you go deaf. She could get a job in a horror movie. I have seriously not been able to hear well for hours. Every time she does that scream I picture someone walking by the house thinking a child is being tortured.
CPS can abuse their power like any other bureaucracy , but this kind of “referral” would probably be screened out prior to anything happening. And you’re right that they need a search warrant to enter your home.
Clearly this lady was out of line. I am sure it was stressful and annoying for you and you family, but as you said, it is better to have a few false reports than to have people look away from children who are actually suffering from abuse.
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