Dear Bloggess, I Win.

This is what I’d write if The Bloggess and I had an ongoing contest to see who could bewilder their spouse more with an impulsive purchase.

For Jenny (as the entire world knows by now), it’s a giant metal chicken named “Beyonce.”

For me, it’s a gigantic red fire truck named “Engine 1.”

If you read “My Bucket List” then you already know that owning a fire engine was the only thing on it. Today, the “someday” I lamented over in that post arrived. For this morning, the municipality who put the fire engine up for sale called to say that they were going to go ahead and accept my bid.

It’s mine!

Terry, the man in charge of the fire truck’s sale, was incredibly helpful and courteous throughout the entire process. He answered my bazillion questions about the apparatus and even endured my countless probing phone calls to see if they were going to approve the bid price.

He explained that they love what I have planned for this fire engine because they didn’t want to see it flipped for a profit or just stored in some warehouse collecting dust. Engine 1 served their community for 25+ years and he appreciated that we were going to make it a showcase here in our own town. Parades, fundraisers, BBQs, ice cream socials, it’s all on tap and then some.

When I told Heather that I was awarded the fire truck this morning, she never broke stride while painting. Never even looked my way. It’s as though something this bizarre was almost expected. I suppose she said it best when she quipped, “Anyone who knows you knows how much sense this makes.”

In a way, Heather’s reaction, or lack thereof, means that Jenny wins the completely fabricated contest that she knows nothing about after all. Because clearly, my wife wasn’t bewildered. She wasn’t baffled. She wasn’t even the least bit surprised.

How about that? Even when she doesn’t enter, Jenny is out winning contests.

I have to wait two weeks for all the appropriate paperwork to shuffle around so various agencies can collect their fees so I suppose it’s a good thing that I’ll be zonked out on Vicodin while recovering from surgery. It’ll make the days go faster.

The town I’m buying it from offered to give me a complete history on the fire engine…the action its seen, the fires its battled, and the community it served.

They’re going to teach me what every little gauge, nozzle, and switch does on the truck so that I can educate children and adults channeling their inner child when explaining it.

Every word of their fire engine tour will be videotaped. Not so much because it’s memorable but more because I’ll forget it all on my way home otherwise.

I’m not legally allowed to drive my new baby yet because I need what’s called a “CDL” license to operate it. That’s the bridge I planned on crossing when I came to it, and now that I have, I need to figure out how to get behind the wheel. I didn’t really think that part through all that much.

Shocking, right?

Insurance and climate-controlled storage is already taken care of. All I need now is the legal license to drive it. A minor technicality and one I’ll address as soon as I heal. For now, I’ll be hiring the man who drove this truck for 20+ years to drive it to my storage garage. I’m going to love every mile.

My kids are absolutely beside themselves and their reaction really clued me in to just how many memories this truck will provide over the coming years. Not only to my own children, but to other children as well.

I haven’t fully determined everything I plan on doing with the truck but it’s going to be a blast brainstorming. Even just driving the neighborhood kids around will be reward enough for me, but I know I can do so much good around here aside from that.

Tossing out candy, becoming a holiday fixture, handing out plastic firefighter hats, teaching fire safety, explaining the history of Engine 1, idling through parades, becoming a beacon for those in need of BBQ or ice cream. And then there’s Dory. How many canine rescues get to become fire truck dogs? Truly, the possibilities are endless.

Oh, and here’s the best part. Engine 1 is manned with a mounted water cannon and a 1,000-gallon water reservoir. This in mind, I hereby officially challenge anyone to a Super Soaker water fight. I only have one bit of advice if you accept.

Bring a change of clothes.

Lots more to come on Engine 1 in a few weeks…stay tuned!