This is the question our 8-year old son asked from the back of the van after hearing a commercial on the radio. It wasn’t really the discussion I was ready to have with my son yet, but daytime radio has a knack for spawning premature conversations.
In a separate incident, a well-timed afternoon radio spot resulted in him stomping throughout the house shouting, “Trojan Mannnnnn!”, clueless to the kind of superhero he was paying homage to. On the plus side, you can’t argue the fact that Trojan Man is committed to safety and prevention.
I heard what he had asked from the wee-back depths of the minivan but I needed time to think of an educational and intelligent response. So I did what all parents do when they need to buy time, I asked him to repeat the question.
Michael: “I said, what is male enhancement?”
Me: “Oh, that’s for guys who want to look like your daddy.”
Heather: “GREG! Don’t tell him that!”
Me: “Please. Like he knows what I’m talking about.”
Michael: “What is it?”
Heather: “Well, it’s for men who want to make certain body parts, um, bigger.”
Me: “CERTAIN body parts? Like what, an arm? A leg? Does it work on knees?”
Heather: “Shut it, dork.”
Me: “Seriously, do you get to choose? My biceps could use some engorgement. Does it work on biceps?”
Heather: “I’m not talking to you.”
Michael: “I know what it’s for.”
Me: “Oh yeah, what?”
Michael: “I’m not saying.”
Right then and there I knew he knew. No child is embarrassed to speak about any body part unless it’s his ‘special purpose’.
Me: “Then you must not know, faker.”
Michael: “It’s to make your pee pee bigger.”
Thanks drive-time radio!
We laughed a bit and I made some comment that “pee pee” and “bigger” just don’t go together. You’ll never hear an enthralled lover whisper, “Ooo, baby, you have an enormous pee pee.”
We went on to explain that people need to be happy with what God gave them. I tossed in a nugget about how some are blessed and others try to emulate me, but this was quickly shushed by my wife.
And Michael followed with a statement that could come from no one else. This kid cracks me up without trying.
Michael: “Well, I wouldn’t buy it. How would I fit in my underwear.”
Welcome to my world, son. Welcome to my world.