Dad? What’s Male Enhancement?

by Greg on May 27, 2010

This is the question our 8-year old son asked from the back of the van after hearing a commercial on the radio. It wasn’t really the discussion I was ready to have with my son yet, but daytime radio has a knack for spawning premature conversations.

In a separate incident, a well-timed afternoon radio spot resulted in him stomping throughout the house shouting, “Trojan Mannnnnn!”, clueless to the kind of superhero he was paying homage to. On the plus side, you can’t argue the fact that Trojan Man is committed to safety and prevention.

I heard what he had asked from the wee-back depths of the minivan but I needed time to think of an educational and intelligent response. So I did what all parents do when they need to buy time, I asked him to repeat the question.

Michael: “I said, what is male enhancement?”

Me: “Oh, that’s for guys who want to look like your daddy.”

Heather: “GREG! Don’t tell him that!”

Me: “Please. Like he knows what I’m talking about.”

Michael: “What is it?”

Heather: “Well, it’s for men who want to make certain body parts, um, bigger.”

Me: “CERTAIN body parts? Like what, an arm? A leg? Does it work on knees?”

Heather: “Shut it, dork.”

Me: “Seriously, do you get to choose? My biceps could use some engorgement. Does it work on biceps?”

Heather: “I’m not talking to you.”

Michael: “I know what it’s for.”

Me: “Oh yeah, what?”

Michael: “I’m not saying.”

Right then and there I knew he knew. No child is embarrassed to speak about any body part unless it’s his ‘special purpose’.

Me: “Then you must not know, faker.”

Michael: “It’s to make your pee pee bigger.”

Thanks drive-time radio!

We laughed a bit and I made some comment that “pee pee” and “bigger” just don’t go together. You’ll never hear an enthralled lover whisper, “Ooo, baby, you have an enormous pee pee.”

We went on to explain that people need to be happy with what God gave them. I tossed in a nugget about how some are blessed and others try to emulate me, but this was quickly shushed by my wife.

And Michael followed with a statement that could come from no one else. This kid cracks me up without trying.

Michael: “Well, I wouldn’t buy it. How would I fit in my underwear.”

Welcome to my world, son. Welcome to my world.

{ 40 comments }

Firefly May 25, 2010 at 6:29 pm

LOL ah the day time radio LOL but really knees 😛
.-= Firefly´s last blog ..Chicken And Veggie Pasta =-.

Janis @ Sneak Peek A May 25, 2010 at 6:35 pm

Indeed! LOL.
.-= Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me´s last blog ..The Breakfast Club – Part I =-.

Cat - 3 Kids and Us May 25, 2010 at 6:36 pm

I just laughed so hard at the last line from your son it scared my kitty into scratching me … Michael owes me a bandaid.
.-= Cat – 3 Kids and Us´s last blog ..Sear’s Memorial Day Weekend Sale + $50 Gift Card Giveaway =-.

Allison May 25, 2010 at 6:42 pm

I seriously cringe at almost all of the commercials on television they seem to all spew sex and my kids get just as embarrassed as I do. I catch my oldest talking a little louder when those kinds of commercials come on and I just smile.
.-= Allison ´s last blog ..Suave Naturals Mango Mandarin Giveaway! =-.

Shasta May 25, 2010 at 6:46 pm

NICE!
.-= Shasta´s last blog ..Windsor Palms Resort – 5 EXTRA ENTRIES =-.

Jammie May 25, 2010 at 7:17 pm

OMFG I am lmao over here…
.-= Jammie´s last blog ..Nestle Ice Cream and Freezer Giveaway (NOT THIS BLOG) =-.

Brandy May 26, 2010 at 12:46 am

WOW, kinda scary huh? Barret came home from N.C. Last summer asking what a sex change was. Kirsta, while standing in the pharmacy line at Walmart, decides to spell out PLEASURE loud enough for others to hear AND not so long ago in the same line Kirsta sees a bottle of "Wet-n-Wild" brightly colored and looked cartoonish compared to the other UH-HMM inventory. I had to smack her hand away and she kept reaching for it GEEZ!

Sandra May 26, 2010 at 1:33 am

I love reading your blog… that was great!

Laurie May 26, 2010 at 1:54 am

LOL I'm gonna have to have these discussions with my two aren't I? I thought having two 4 year old boys that ask all sorts of questions. I think I'll keep the radio offf and hopefully make it to 9. Tooo funny!

Amanda May 26, 2010 at 1:58 am

LMAO your son has the logic only an 8 year old would have. I love it. Our son will be 9 soon and we've had to have conversations like that thanks to radio and TV as well.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Living on Post =-.

mmj May 26, 2010 at 2:08 am

OMG. LMAO. Sounds like you guys handled it well.

Alison May 26, 2010 at 2:13 am

So cute! Can't um wait for my kid to start asking those questions… not! I will have to remember what you guys said 5 years from now!
.-= Alison´s last blog ..2 Free Samples of Sandwhich Shop Mayo by Kraft =-.

sarah May 26, 2010 at 2:28 am

Thank you for the morning laugh. So glad I am not the only one to have these discussions.

Dan * May 26, 2010 at 2:42 am

Oooohhhh my….do I feel stupid. I thought it was a upgrade offered by USPS to get faster delivery service. Oops.

Kim @ What's Th May 26, 2010 at 2:57 am

Funny! Glad it was you and not me having that conversation though.
.-= Kim @ What's That Smell?´s last blog ..Shabby Apple Girls Dresses – review =-.

Jennifer May 26, 2010 at 3:10 am

I was cracking up from the get go with "Trojan Mannnn!" You really need to write about of these little episodes. I'd buy it in a heart beat.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Raise Your Hand If You Cried Like a Bitch at the End of Lost =-.

Rachel -- Following May 26, 2010 at 3:13 am

I can't wait to read this post to my husband. HILARIOUS — love it.
.-= Rachel — Following In My Shoes´s last blog ..You Like Plug-ins? I LOVE Plug-ins. =-.

Yasmine May 26, 2010 at 4:33 am

lmao. That's hilarious, Good things my kids are too young right now to ask and understand LOL but my kids do pick up/ memorize commercials like when my daughter went around saying, 'have a happy period. always." for about a week or so. Embarrassing!!

Stacie @ The Divine May 26, 2010 at 4:35 am

I think that my husband would love me forever if I told him that he had an enormous pee pee. Or at least die laughing. 😉

This is hilarious.
.-= Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy´s last blog ..Bad News – My Blog was hacked & I lost a ton of posts =-.

RobMonroe May 26, 2010 at 4:46 am

Hilarious!

It worries me how much my not-yet-three year old picks up from the radio. Must avoid ME commercials!
.-= RobMonroe´s last blog ..Menu Monday =-.

Mandi May 26, 2010 at 5:54 am

OMG! Too funny! You know, the things they play on daytime radio, and daytime TV are a little risky, and of course kids pick up EVERYTHING!

one cluttered brain May 26, 2010 at 6:20 am

LOL!!!

Oh my!

I would have been so red!

very funny.

Love it when you told him so others can look like your daddy. LOL.

i am rolling on the floor with laughter now.

Thanks Greg.

Psst. Still editing the video? 😉
.-= one cluttered brain´s last blog ..Get your vlog on AND What I meant to say Wednesday with Angel! 🙂 =-.

Tracie May 26, 2010 at 6:34 am

ROFL! That is so funny! I love how you asked your wife if it works on biceps! Awesome!
.-= Tracie´s last blog ..What I Meant to Say About….The Backstreet Boys =-.

Sarah May 26, 2010 at 7:29 am

Hilarious!

My four year old runs around saying "Wow! That's a low price!" He also got excited about seeing Five Hour Energy at CVS. "Mom – we need this!" Guess it's only a matter of time before we have to talk male enhancement. I pray that he never catches the commercial for Online Booty Call they keep showing during hockey highlights..
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..The Power of Positive Thinking =-.

Troy Pattee May 26, 2010 at 7:52 am

Hey Greg! Looking forward to meeting you at the Evo Conference in Park City next month. After reading this and a few other of your posts I can tell that you and I will get along just fine. LOL!
.-= Troy Pattee´s last blog ..It’s Not What We Look Like That Makes Us a Dad =-.

Rob May 27, 2010 at 1:48 pm

I agree with Michael and say those words daily. "How am I going to fit this enormous pee pee into my underwear". It is a tought world but someone has to say/do it. LOL. Great post, got to love the radio.
.-= Rob´s last blog ..My Story Necklace from Simon and Lucy GIVEAWAY =-.

valmg @ Mom Knows It May 30, 2010 at 7:22 am

That's too funny! You gotta love some of the things kids come up with!
.-= valmg @ Mom Knows It All´s last blog ..This Week’s Winners =-.

Pamela M. Kramer June 3, 2010 at 6:47 am

Oh that's a riot!!!! rofl…
.-= Pamela M. Kramer´s last blog ..CPSIA Strikes Again =-.

Jenny June 6, 2010 at 9:46 am

That made me literally LOL.
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Tutorial: Postcard Album Makeover =-.

Lori A. June 7, 2010 at 5:25 am

So precious. Love those types of loving memories with my kids.

Jennifer-Eighty MPH June 7, 2010 at 8:35 am

I am still laughing. You certainly have a way of sharing a story – that was classic!! And yeah, I don't think most men want to hear that phrase in the throes of passion. LMAO!

I am frequently horrified at some of the commercials they play at dinnertime, or a time when kids are around (or even a spouse). Some are just downright embarrassing!
.-= Jennifer-Eighty MPH Mom´s last blog ..Monday Mingle vlog – June 7th =-.

Donda June 7, 2010 at 11:03 am

Just found your blog and I am loving it. The parody song is GREAT! And as far as the entralled lover/pee-pee thing goes my husband recently said something pretty dirty to me when DUH I had a headache and it included the words suck, romantic and pee-pee. I don't even know how that works!

Jennifer @ J. Leigh June 7, 2010 at 12:20 pm

This is hilarious! I have a 9 year old son and I'd just about die if the roles were reversed right there!!!
.-= Jennifer @ J. Leigh Designz´s last blog ..Baggo – The Official Bag Toss Game {Review & Giveaway} Discount Promotional Code & Free Shipping! =-.

mistie June 7, 2010 at 7:40 pm

that is SO Funny!! We are potty training our 2 yr old son and one day after using the potty I told him he was a BIG boy and daddy would be proud of him. Well Later in the day my husband spilled water and it looked like he had peed his pants, MY two yr old said .. I big boy i put my big pee pee in the potty .. daddy is little boy he make little pee pee in his pants.. I almost lost it.. I was Laughing SO hard.. the things kids say sometimes..
.-= mistie´s last blog ..Post IT note Tuesdays =-.

Tonja July 30, 2011 at 10:18 pm

That’s hilarious!

brianne June 10, 2010 at 7:07 am

LMAO one of the priceless joys of parenthood! I have been able to dodge any curiosity as of yet, but I know those days are coming!! I guess I can just look forward to good blog material? Lol
.-= brianne´s last blog ..What Goes On? In Thursday Thirteen Style… =-.

Tonja July 30, 2011 at 10:16 pm

I wonder what kind of outfit Trojan Man wears?

Sheila March 29, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Now THAT was funny

Gail April 27, 2012 at 11:40 am

I just emailed a link to this blog post to my ex-husband. Because when his son accidentally sat on his then-three-year old penis, we knew he was his father’s son. You blog makes me smile. Thank you for sharing.

Male Enhancement Cream June 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Having to explain to your son about what male enhancement is may be helpful so that he has all the facts, not hearing half-truths from schoolmates. Thanks for posting.

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