Welcome to Whine Country

by Greg on August 18, 2009

winelogo1Here at Telling Dad Estate Whinery, our experienced whinemakers are hard at work vinting new whines for almost any occasion.

Whether you need a nice whine to go along with chores or seek a savory vintage to pair with not getting enough dessert, our varieties of whine are made from the finest and most flavorful sour grapes available.

Telling Dad Estate Whinery is headed by a pair of unfair parents whose only apparent mission in life is to make their young whinemakers miserable. To ensure top whine production we deny them fun at every turn and make sure we’re the only uncool whinery on the block.

If little Johnny’s employers let him stay up until midnight eating ice cream then we’re going to make sure our little whinemaker has lights out at 8pm after eating nothing but shredded wheat.

Unfrosted.

This is why we excel. Because we know what it takes to create good whines. Our visitors have come to rely on the consistency of our whinemakers and they haven’t let us down yet.

As your whine sommelier, please allow me to take you on a brief whine tour so that you can experience the entire collection of Telling Dad inspired whines for yourself.

By far our most popular and frequently seen vintage, “He Started It” can be enjoyed at all hours of the day. This whine is usually uncorked by the guilty one after a reprimand.

Best With: Pointed fingers, retaliation, name calling.

 

 

The perfect nightcap, this whine is sure to be savored during the nightly ritual of slumber. This whine is best served with the request to don jammies.

Best With: Daytime naps, bedtime, forbidden late night snacks.

 
 

This classic dessert whine is regarded as the perfect accompaniment to any post-meal treat. This whine is typically uncorked by ALL dessert recipients after analyzing the level of anything in a bowl or cup.

Best With: Anything sweet.

 

This rich boredeaux whine is often paired with a lack of electronics. You can bring out the intensity of this whine by coupling it with a request to read or use one’s brain.

Best With: Lack of video games, television blackout, homework, no caffeine.

 

 

Whinemakers can’t help but break out this flavorful whine if denied a request or assigned a task with other whinemakers in the vicinity. This is our second most popular vintage.

Best With: Household chores, issued curfew, the word “no”, responsibility.

 
 

This whine frequently accompanies such phrases as “You never…” and “You always…” so that whine-makers can make a sweeping blanket statement with flavor.

Best With: Denied fun, invulnerability to manipulative ploys.

The Telling Dad Whinery Difference…
Our whinemakers have been responsible for world-class whines since the late 1990’s and we’re pleased to announce that our third whinemaker now appears ready to emerge from our rigorous apprenticeship program. Once her transition is complete, and with the examples set by her elders, whine connoisseurs can expect the quality of our whines to be brought to a whole new level.

We are open every day for whine sampling as production never ceases around here. Our tradition of being unfair, uncool, and unwavering in our quest to build healthy minds, bodies, and souls will continue to produce an unparalleled class of whines.

We invite you to enjoy all that we have harvested, and if you have whine vintages of your own to share, we’d love to know that we aren’t alone in whine country.

All we need now is a whine cellar.

With shackles.

{ 34 comments }

Lisa @ Crazy Adventu August 17, 2009 at 5:23 am

I freakin' love you, man.

That is all.
.-= Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting´s last blog ..The Other Room =-.

Marianna @ Green Mam August 17, 2009 at 5:25 am

Hilarious. Is this what I have to look forward to? My 4.5 year old is almost there.

.-= Marianna @ Green Mama's Pad´s last blog ..Telling a Preschooler About a New Baby =-.

Lori August 17, 2009 at 5:32 am

Very freaking creative! I love it. I remember when I was as a child and how my three year old will someday be like me. Oh no! I am sure I will roll my eyes and say the same things my parents used to say, "whine is for drinking." Great job!

AJ @ A Little Bit Nu August 17, 2009 at 5:37 am

That's genius! I never thought to start my own "Whinery" we sure have lots of it.
.-= AJ @ A Little Bit Nutty´s last blog ..Why does being a good person hurt sometimes =-.

Kelly August 17, 2009 at 5:41 am

My whines:

'Worst day ever'

'You don't love me anymore'

'You're not my friend'

'I want a snack…and a drink'

I'm thinking it might be hard to market those, but we'll see.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Forgive me, blogosphere, for I know not what I do =-.

Dawn Langdon August 17, 2009 at 5:55 am

I'm wondering if you have a bottle that somehow refers to the "non-whine, yet really a whine" of a 13 year old boy with a deep voice who feels as though his mother is the stupidest person on the planet–further expressed by eye rolling, loud sighing and a short yet purposeful saunter to his room?

Maria @ Mom et al August 17, 2009 at 6:22 am

I feel we could off you some fierce competition at the Mom et al household. We are never out of stock of:

I Don't Want To

Look What He's Doing (see also our newer label Look What She's Doing)

and last but not least, Mine!

I loved this! Very clever.
.-= Maria @ Mom et al´s last blog ..Villains =-.

Firefly August 17, 2009 at 6:51 am

LOL we have plenty of those around here 🙂 like:

I Don't Like It

Not Me

You Stink

I'm Not Hungry

I Can't Sleep It's Not Dark Enough

you know we could go like this all day LOL great post!
.-= Firefly´s last blog ..I Love King Julian =-.

Heather Z August 17, 2009 at 7:27 am

I think I need a few real glasses to get through the whine tour. 🙂

Tanya @ Mommy Goggle August 17, 2009 at 8:16 am

Can I start out with a glass of 'not fair' and follow up with an after dinner mint and an entire bottle of 'But i'm not tired'? Do you take PayPal? Better yet, do you deliver? 😆
.-= Tanya @ Mommy Goggles´s last blog ..Cuddly fun with Lilly the Ladybug: Zoobie Pets *Love them!* =-.

Carrie August 17, 2009 at 8:17 am

My daughter is a bit young still but I am going to order a case of your Whines for when she is older. I am sure they will be a great vintage by then. Thanks for the great Monday morning laugh!
.-= Carrie´s last blog ..Wiggle Bean's First Cold =-.

Tara August 17, 2009 at 8:44 am

we have a whole case of "Not Fair" here 🙂 LOL, that was good.

Pippa August 17, 2009 at 8:48 am

We are still on cider here, but I think that we will be fermenting a lot more in the next few years!
.-= Pippa´s last blog ..Harry Potter and the trip to the toilet =-.

Shannon August 17, 2009 at 11:10 am

Loooove it, Greg. You are brilliant. 🙂 I'll have a case of I'm Bored please. My little whiners whine with not very good communication skills, which makes it worse (they are very young).
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Kroger Mega Savings Event $30 Gift Card Giveaway =-.

Elizabeth August 17, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I'll take a case of He Got More. Please and thank you.
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Sentimental Silver Winner =-.

Diane J. August 17, 2009 at 3:41 pm

"You're ruining my life."

"This is the worst day of my life."

"My whole month is ruined." This is best served within the first week of the month.

"Woooww, mooommm." This is a special whine that is made once a week, usually a Friday after this incantation: "No son, you can't go to the movies. You haven't raised your grades."

You are absolutely hysterical! I look forward to your blog posts.
.-= Diane J.´s last blog ..Define Unsweetened =-.

Leah Rubin August 17, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Yeah, yeah, yeah, real funny, but what I want to know is how did whining get such a bad name? Oh wait– I remember now– nevermind. Kids. Hmph. Senior moment…
.-= Leah Rubin´s last blog ..Paula Poundstone and Me =-.

Amanda August 18, 2009 at 1:24 am

LOVE it! Our "I'm Bored" whine is followed with a cheese of "Chores." Somehow the whine mysteriously disappears.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..38 =-.

Heidi August 19, 2009 at 11:02 am

Brilliant post, thank you for the laugh! I need a bottle of wine most days to deal with all the whine I get with 5 kids!

Can you suggest a whine that goes with the first day of school? As the case of "I'm bored" is about empty now that summer is almost over.
.-= Heidi´s last blog ..Back to school list – 8/9/09-8/15/09 =-.

Telling Dad August 19, 2009 at 11:35 am

@Heidi, as a whine connoisseur I can most certainly help with some Back to School selections. Some that come to mind are,

"My Teacher is So Mean"

"Homework is Too Hard"

"School is Too Long"

There are others but these vintages are daily favorites.

Kasey@All Things Mam August 19, 2009 at 4:14 pm

LOVE IT! My 3.5 yr old daughter and the other daycare kids her age are nothing but whiners all day long! I hear….

"but, I had that toy first!"

"we're hungry, when's snack?" (literally 20 mins after a meal)

"but, I wanted to sit there"

The list could go on and on and on…I'll save you all from my whining! : )
.-= Kasey@All Things Mamma´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – What’s Wrong With This Picture? =-.

Mr Blonde August 21, 2009 at 5:47 am

Is this a metaphor post?
.-= Mr Blonde´s last blog ..There's what in my hamburger?! =-.

june August 21, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Here in our whine country, we've come to appreciate whines in shot form. Who needs a glass of complex whiney flavors and nuances when you can throw back a quick but potent "BUUUUT!" The seemingly exotic (given that it's not a word in the English language, but still communicates oh-so-much) "Phhhhhhft" is also lovely when paired with stomping. Who needs a carafe, nay, even a glass of any other whine when a straightforward, splashy shot of "Muuuuuuuooooooom" works at any time and place. Whine shots: they're the new go-to whine for one and all.

Jenn October 7, 2009 at 1:49 pm

How cute and don't forget …Why are they allowed to sit by the window? Why do they get to watch that ? and well with 3 that are 12,14,16 I can tell you about 100 more !

Jennifer October 27, 2009 at 8:28 am

This is classic! We have several fine whines in our house, but none so fine as yours. This is an awesome post!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..TAKE ME BACK TUESDAY – Wedding Day =-.

JamericanSpice October 27, 2009 at 3:01 pm

I'm still shaking my head. Which direction, I'm not sure. lol. We have budding whines in our home and they are definitely working on their craft and so am I!

This is such a good post on the matter!!
.-= JamericanSpice´s last blog ..H1N1 – Are we making decisions in fear? =-.

Shasta Walton March 4, 2010 at 2:39 pm

I think I am on love…with your blog! This is so my style of humor!
.-= Shasta Walton´s last blog ..More Dollar Deals & Publix Coupons – Thanks Kay! =-.

Trill March 13, 2011 at 11:46 am

Brilliant.

Tonja August 3, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Okay, the more I read, the wackier you get…I LOVE IT!!

Martin March 7, 2012 at 8:30 am

You misspelled “whose”.

Telling Dad March 7, 2012 at 9:14 am

That was on purpose. Just to make sure Martin was paying attention.

Heather H. May 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I hear daily ‘I have nothing to wear!” We’re still producing whine at 16 years old….

Michelle June 28, 2012 at 10:41 pm

This is sooo hilarious!
🙂

Teresa April 4, 2013 at 12:01 pm

I’m loving how the “I’m bored” selection can be intensified by a request to read! Can’t wait to share this with the family tonight! I’m sure it will be received by the usual rolling of eyes and heavy sighs! Thanks for the laugh- you are priceless!

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