SUBSCRIBE VIA RSSYesterday, someone I’ve only known digitally experienced a tremendous loss when her 2-year old son fell into their pool and subsequently drowned. I couldn’t imagine such a tragedy and it broke my heart even though I’ve never met him or her IRL.
Inexplicably, someone is challenging this mom in her grief to “prove it”. Another went so far as to write a hateful and hurtful email asking for verification and stating that she “called local hospitals and reporters and got nothing”.
How can someone be so callous and so cynical as to feel motivated to confront a mother only hours after losing her child? Shellie is also being chastised for tweeting what happened and this was the motivation for my post.
People need to chillax and let the family grieve. Set aside the venomous calls for proof. Is the experience not heart-wrenching enough?
To attack the mother because she tweeted is juvenile. It’s not like she was sitting there by the pool tapping away a play-by-play. She wasn’t Twittering away as the ambulance raced to the hospital and she wasn’t “seizing” any opportunity.
She simply asked for prayers.
Some have replied to her call with reprehensible tweets. Challenging her and wondering why she would post something like that on Twitter in the midst of tragedy.
I can tell you why.
Her husband is in the military and was not at home. You, and I for that matter, don’t know the local support network she has, if any. I don’t know about you but if I ever face a loss as devastating as the one Shellie experienced, I would want to turn to people who support me and care for me.
In today’s digital age, many relationships are forged via social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and in this situation, Mom Dot. You don’t need to give someone a tactile squeeze to let them know you care.
There are people I greatly care about who I have never met in person and if I had the opportunity to elicit their support and rally for their prayers, you can bet I’d do it. Why is tweeting for prayers any different than picking up the phone and calling friends or family?
If it’s a source of comfort then it should be used. If taking 20 seconds to write a tweet can translate into hundreds, or even thousands of prayers, I say do it!
To those who want proof less than 24 hours after the tragedy…relax. Let your heart show, not your cynicism. In the end, should you get the verification you seek, you’re going to look as ridiculous as your tweets.
The internet may be a faceless entity, but let’s not make it heartless as well.
{ 92 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you for this Greg! This is something that really needed to be said! People need to remember that a hospital has privacy acts! They are not allowed to tell you anything! Even if you are a cop or a reporter. NOTHING! Shellie needs our prayers right now. She needs us to be strong for her! This isn’t someone that acts out for attention. Shellie is someone who is generous and loving! She needs that from us now!
Gena´s last blog ..Praying for Shellie and her family!
My sentiments exactly, except you state them so much more eloquently and without a string of four letter words. I am so far beyond upset with the way some people are lashing out at Shellie. To be quite honest, I feel like *they* are the ones using Twitter inappropriately to “seize” this moment.
Some of my very best friends live on the other side of a computer screen. They are the ones I’d want to reach out to if, God forbid, something like this every happened to me. And I’ll tell you, if any person I know “in real life” ever called me or came to me to tell me they just lost someone, the last thing I’d do is ask them to verify that. I’m pretty sure that’s not something these attackers would do either.
Jill @BabyRabies´s last blog ..How I gave birth to my second marathon
Thank you so much for posting this, Greg.
Elizabeth´s last blog ..Hug them tightly
AMEN! Thank you for putting into words exactly what I was thinking. I have personally used Twitter after my son was rushed to the ER. It was a way for me to tell my family/friends what was going on. In addition to this, I was able to receive moral support/prayers/strength from people while I was alone and watching my son in a hospital bed. Some people may never understand, but I certainly do.
Wow, that is horrible. I am saddened to hear her story and will keep her in my thoughts. As for the cynics and those challenging her, that is absolutely horrible!
My heart and prayers go out to Shelley. Why anyone would consider even running the risk of causing her more grief at a time like this is beyond me.
Noelle Corbin´s last blog ..Memories Of Our First Christmas, And Our First Major Incompatibility
Very well put and a nice post, Greg.
Brittany´s last blog ..Liv Dolls Review
Very well said Greg. You said what many of us have wanted to but with such class and without the obscentities that I would have included. People should be focusing their support on a fellow mother and blogger and her family in their time of need instead of using the internet to express what heartless, horrible people they are!
Allison ´s last blog ..Prayers For a Fellow Blogger
Wonderful Wonderful post Greg!!!!!
Toni´s last blog ..Cooking With Toni: Avocado Salad
Thanks Greg , someone had to say it and you did it well!
Well said. Even if someone had doubts, why tweet that stuff that could add to someone’s pain? I get why she tweeted. I can’t imagine the pain she must feel right now and I think any parent would feel heart break empathizing with her loss.
An old rule still applies – if you can’t say anything nice, keep your mouth shut.
Great Post! I agree!
Well said, Greg.
The Shopping Mama´s last blog ..LeapFrog Tag Junior Review + Giveaway
Bravo, Greg.
I don’t “know” Shellie but a lot of the people I follow must know her since my Twitter stream was full of tweets calling for prayers.
I did not see tweets calling for proof or read anything about people “fact checking” but that doesn’t surprise me in the least. Make me really incredulous and a bit sick to my stomach but not surprised.
The idea that using Twitter in some way discredited her is just asinine.
Anyway, a timely and succinct post…unlike my comment.
Amy @ Taste Like Crazy´s last blog ..Boeuf Bourguingnon à la Taste Like Crazy
What a terrible loss for anyone to have to endure. Thank you for this post, and for supporting your friend. You can bet on my prayers.
jo´s last blog ..Sort of Like Going to Hawaii But Actually Totally Not the Same
you said it perfectly! someone needed to say this, not only for this mother but for all of us that social network, sometimes its our only link to help!
thanks for this post. Twitter has been making me so angry today.. I just dont get people
fidget´s last blog ..Gluten Free Carrot Cake
Agreed! Sometimes in the midst of a crisis all we want is to know we’re not alone. People need to chill and just send her all the love we can.
You put to text some of my own thoughts as well.
It seems she reached out in a way comfortable to her to the people she knew would rise to the occasion and aid her via prayer and kind thoughts.
Stephanie´s last blog ..Hayden, The $20 Homily, a Zhu Zhu Pet, & A Merry Christmas!
Well said, Greg. It is just how I was feeling and what I would have written…minus all the F-Bombs and threats of bodily harm I would have like ly added.
How can people do things like this and still say they are human beings? All of us have been crying and grieving in some way for Shellie since yesterday. Many of us did not sleep well. Then to wake up to hatefulness such as this? To spew venom and vitriol at a mother who just lost her youngest son hours ago?
It is usually this time of year that my faith in mankind somehow gets renewed…sadly, with all this hate and the disgusting tweets, I don’t think that will happen this year.
Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity´s last blog ..Prayers For Shellie
In our techie age, I think having “bloggy/twitter friends” to reach out to is normal. They have been an integral part of my own journey. Would I recognize all of them on the street? Probably not but they are still my peeps just the same.
Did I know Shellie personally? No. Could any of us have had that happen? Absolutely. It’s all about community..
Great post!
Nicely put, Greg. These “people” are lashing out against her for something she didn’t even do. She asked for prayers. That’s all. She never even tweeted his passing. I will never understand people.
Rhea´s last blog ..WINNERS – Scholastic Christmastime Storybooks
I could understand someone tweeting and asking for prayers in the midst of such heartbreaking tragedy.
I’m more confounded by the heartless people who would demand proof. They’re already lambasting her for tweeting, yet they want her to take more time and do what they’re criticizing to prove what happened.
Well said, wish the need to say it wasn’t there. Unfortunately there are those who don’t think before they open their mouths. (Hugs)Indigo
Indigo´s last blog ..Universally Speaking
Wonderfully written. Praying so hard for Shellie. I truly have no words.
Shannon´s last blog ..VTech Jungle Gym: Ride & Learn Giraffe Bike Video Review and 3 Day Giveaway
Thank you for saying what I couldn’t even wrap my head around trying to say. It shouldn’t be necessary to say, should it? I just can’t imagine the need or desire to be so absolutely nasty.
I know that on a recent anniversary of one of my hardest days of life, the only people in my life who mentioned it and offered support via twitter, facebook, phone calls and emails were my online friends. That speaks volumes about the value of the online community.
FireMom´s last blog ..Fire Book Review: A Small Christmas
You couldn’t have said it better.
Melanie (ModernMami)´s last blog ..SpanglishBaby’s Bicultural Holiday Traditions
Than you Greg for saying what is hard for some of us to put into words.
Very well said. Some people just don’t know how to be nice and decent about anything it seems. They could have ignored her tweet and moved on with their lives.
Loretta´s last blog ..Nut Horns Holiday Cookie Recipe as Promised on Twitter
I know there have been scams and emotional support offered to “pretenders” before, but to jump immediately to that assumption really says a lot about someone’s state of mind. My heart goes out to this family. People need to remember their humans and treat one another as they would like to be treated…especially in the time of tragedy.
CJ´s last blog ..In The Paper!
I can think of no greater loss. I am sure she is beating herself up, without the help of these haters on twitter. Thanks for putting this into words. I continue to pray for her.
Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
As a mom of a 1 1/2 year old boy, this breaks my heart. I can understand why she would turn to Twitter. It is something that she has used all along, she has friends on Twitter, and she was probably in complete an utter shock. Being all alone, she probably didn’t know what else to do. That said, I wish she would step away from it now. I wish she would not read the cruel things people are saying, and I wish she would not reply to them. She doesn’t need anymore pain. But that is not any of my business, and it is her decision to make.
People cope in different ways. I think when people *do* share these things on Twitter, they underestimate the feelings they invoke in other people, even complete strangers. One popular Twitter mom, for example, tweeted that no parent should have to hear the parents losing their child in ICU…but she had been essentially doing the same thing to her followers all along, tweeting about every twist and turn related to her son’s health, including brushes with death.
There is no question that the cruel things some of the “crazies” are posting are completely insensitive and inappropriate, but I have to wonder if it is their way of coping with heartbreaking news that they don’t *want* to believe. None of us want to believe that a fellow parent would have to suffer the loss of a child. Unfortunately there have been scams, and when you choose to share your personal life in the public domain, you subject yourself to scrutiny. Yes, it is every person’s right to tweet what they want, but doing so has consequences, good and bad.
Excellent post. A calm head in the midst of such a rough stream of awfulness. Thank you for writing it.
Alli´s last blog ..DPP :: December 11 & 12
Great Post! I agree, well said
Great post Greg! It’s horrible that someone would do this to someone who’s just lost their child!
Shawn Ann´s last blog ..Terrific Tuesday
Thank you for this post. It’s a sad thing in today’s society that there are people out there who thrive on scandal and stirring the pot. It’s just a testament to the things lacking in their lives. I completely agree that Military Mom’s tweet about her son falling into the pool and requesting prayers is no different than picking up the phone and calling friends or family for support. She didn’t tweet that he was dead, she tweeted that he had fallen in the pool and she needed prayers. Unfortunately the outcome was not what we wished. It isn’t as if she was seeking popularity or attention. She was asking for prayers that her son would be saved. I see absolutely nothing wrong with what she did and my prayers remain with her family in the face of this unimaginable grief.
Great post, Greg! I think so many people feel the internet gives them some sort of anonymity and it’s quite a shame.
I feel for Shellie and her family. I don’t even know her digitally, but any parent who experiences a loss as that is experiencing a pain that makes my heart wrench. It’s so unbelievably sad.
Andrea @ MommySnacks.net´s last blog ..Amazon Deals| Astronaut Helmet, Fisher Price, Leapfrog, Mythbuster’s and more!
Thank you so much for writing this. I did not know the negativity was happening and I’m all the more heartsick over this situation because of it. If anyone can tell you about the power of Twitter support through a tough time, it would be @ElizabethPW – watching the amazing outpouring of love and support for her has been amazing! As well as for @AnissaMayhew.
People need to just realize that we are in a digital age – and our online friends are real friends!
And just like you said, and like I’ve often said to my naysaying husband, what is the difference in calling my ‘cousins in Colorado’? None. There is no difference.
Less than 24 hrs later…wow…I’m shattered that people would even..
*shiver* I just can’t even go there.
I wasn’t even a ‘Twitter friend’ with this woman, but, some of my Twitter friends are friends with her and watching it all happen has really shaken me up. I’ve cried a lot, I’ve prayed, and I had trouble falling asleep and a sick feeling in my stomach when I woke up.
God bless you for writing this post!
Lisa Marie Mary´s last blog ..Went Into Your Locker And I Smashed Your Glasses
god bless you greg for the grace and calm in your words where I want to lose it.
trisha
trisha´s last blog ..Update on Shellie.
Very well said Greg! I don’t know Shellie or anything about the nastiness being thrown at her but I feel horrible for her. I can’t imagine her sadness at this time.
Stefany @ ToBeThode´s last blog ..What are 5 tips to getting kids in bed… and staying there!
You’re so right Greg. I can tell you that also as a military wife, if my husband were not home and something tragic happened, in those down moments, I would turn to those that support me. I’ve forged several friendships online over the years. Being military, a lot of us often start off with friendships irl and then they become digital as we all PCS away from each other. I wouldn’t want to have to rehash the same story 50 times. I’d rather tweet, or change my Facebook status in a moment to let those who care know that something major has happened to my family. It’s the new way of communicating everything to friends (who come in many forms) and family alike. The good, the bad, and the ugly, whether the masses like it or not.
Amanda´s last blog ..For Shellie
That was PERFECTLY said Greg. Thank you.
Tiffany´s last blog ..Subway’s Fresh Choices for the Holidays + Giveaway
“Her husband is in the military and was not at home. You, and I for that matter, don’t know the local support network she has, if any. I don’t know about you but if I ever face a loss as devastating as the one Shellie experienced, I would want to turn to people who support me and care for me.”
My thoughts exactly. I don’t know what I do if my husband were deployed and something horrific that turns a person’s world upside down.
I understand what its like to just live when your husband’s deployed. I don’t know what I’d do in this situation. My guess is tweeting-was a natural reaction. It was something she did regularly. She was reaching out. Seeking some kind of support.
Awesome post. Well said. Thank you.
I may have liked you before, but now I adore you. Some of my best friends & favorite people, I have not yet met face-to-face or talk to more often online than in person. If there ever was a tragedy like this, I would ask for their support as well. They are part of my family. While I saw this coming (cuz some people just suck), I was hoping that it wouldn’t. Who could be so heartless as to go after a mother who just lost their baby??? I have not seen it, but seen the outrage because of it. Heartless, just heartless…
Kim´s last blog ..My TJ Maxx Experience
Wonderfully said.
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting´s last blog ..Fellow Military Wife Shellie Needs Prayers
I learned about this through a retweet.
What you need to understand is that over the past 20 years the U.S. has become dominated by a political mindset known as the “just world phenomenon”. You can read about it here, while keeping the attackers and accusers in mind:
http://www.scu.edu/ethics/publications/iie/v3n2/justworld.html
In that piece, you’ll read “humans have a need to bring their beliefs about what is right into conformity with the objective reality they encounter–and that they will work to achieve consistency either by modifying their beliefs or attempting to modify that reality.” Accidents just can’t happen. Hence a child cannot possibly have died, his mother must be lying, and if the child is dead it must be his mother’s fault.
Mix a “just” mindset with a frankly incorrect belief that all information is in the public domain and accessible over the internet on demand – as well as a businesswoman’s need to profit from the sales of her books – and what results is, as you’ve seen, everything that is quite ugly about America summed up in just a few tweets. Fortunately, we’ve also seen what’s quite lovely about it in many more words.
Very well said Greg! I couldn’t agree more.
I had not heard of this particular blogger until yesterday’s tragedy, but you better believe that I had her and her family in my prayers last night.
Social media has the ability to connect people, especially in time of need, but unfortunately, some choose to use it as a platform for increased attention. Even IF that attention is negative. Makes me sad and sick.
Tamara
http://www.theunexperiencedmom.com
Tamara´s last blog ..Boogie Wipes…Don’t Miss this GIVEAWAY!
Well said. Has it really come to that? My first instinct made tears roll down my cheeks not look for proof of an poor child dying. How horrible can a person be to be so heartless? I am glad I have not seen those tweets b/c even though I’ve never even read the mom who is going through this she is still going through one of the most traumatic losses she will ever experience. If for some sad reason this is not real then this mom still needs help and support IMO. Either way prayers are needed.
Thank You for this…..Not knowing Shellie at all I was shocked to see this all on twitter. I am so grateful you wrote this because it needed to be said w/o four letter words and future attacks. Thankfully I have been enlightened and will now offer all my prayers and support to Shellie and her Family.
Kim Sorensen´s last blog ..Just so you know….
YOU ROCK GREG! I couldn’t have said it any better even if I really tried.
You are 1,000,000% correct in everything you said. People need to grow up and get a life and stop trying to belittle others and their lives. To all those people who had problems with the tweets here is a thought – DON’T READ THEM! You have the power to skip over things and delete things. How pathetic!
I don’t have much of a support system. All the people I know are online for the most part. If something horrible happened to me (and I pray it never does) I would find it comforting to know that others care about me, even if we never met.
My thoughts and prayers are with Shellie and her family.
Kimberly´s last blog ..I am humbled…and speechless.
so well put! and even in the end it was not true (even though i doubt it) how does it hurt you??? all you have to do is unfollow them on twitter its not that hard. PLUS its not like she is asking for money just prayers…anyone can spare a prayer and a reminder to hug your kids a little more!
sadly I’m not surprised. We’ve all seen in the past the vultures that swoop down not just in a tragedy but just because the opportunity came about to “stir the pot”.
Melinda´s last blog ..My Baby Loves Chicken Nuggets
Great post. We must be on the same wavelength as I posted something very similar today. We need to be kinder, folks.
While I can’t understand wanting to be on Twitter hours after the tragic loss of a child, I also can’t understand publicly demanding verification from someone I’ve never even met especially when it doesn’t have anything to do with me.
I understand having friends online. Some of my closest friends are people I have known for years but have never seen in person. I understand reaching out to those friends. But it does seem a bit odd. And keep in mind that the whole “MyBottlesUp” circus wasn’t that long ago. It’s human nature for people to question things that don’t make sense to them. But then again, just because I wouldn’t personally be tweeting “in the midst of tragedy” doesn’t mean that anyone who does is automatically lying and it’s not a conclusion I would have jumped to. We all grieve differently and we all have different ways of seeking support.
I don’t agree with the way this one person in particular went about trying to collect the facts, I think it was cold and callous to direct such demands at the mother or to announce publicly as she checked with various agencies. It crossed the line between fact-checking and making accusations. If she wants to question a story, we have no control over that. What we do have control over is our REaction to someone else’s actions. I understand wanting to defend and support a friend but stooping to someone else’s level doesn’t help matters. Just ignore it.
I can see the point that both sides are trying to make but the thing that really bothers me is that there ARE “sides” to begin with. It seems to me like that there’s a loss of perspective all around and that people have forgotten that just because it’s the Internet, there are still real people behind these profiles. Why act any differently online than you would in real life?
The whole thing just sickens me – the fact that this adorable little boy is gone, the aftermath of it being spilled all over Twitter, the hatred and arguing and accusations and threats….I don’t even know what to think anymore.
Maybe this will prompt at least a few people to take a step back and look at how they’re using social media and the effects, positive or negative, they’re letting it have on their personal beliefs, their values and their lives.
Wow. That is harsh…. yikes.
Shane
Nicely put Greg, and I stress nicely, because I am not so sure I could leave out the expletives in my mind reserved for the people doubting Shellie!
Candy @ Serendipity Mommy´s last blog ..Baby Magic- Baby Products Not Just for Babies!
Greg, I love this post! Thank you for putting this into words for those of us feeling it but couldn’t say it!! For many people, including me, social networking is a very important support system and I have NO doubt that is what it was for Shelley! My prayers are with her and her family.
Bobbie´s last blog ..What a Week!
Well said Greg!
Rob´s last blog ..My Baby Loves Chicken Nuggets
Exactly…why must trolls exist.
Twitter is basically a bunch of friends you interact with so she wasn’t tweeting just to tell the world it was to her friends who could maybe help. She used what means were available to her to save her precious boy.I can’t believe people would doubt her or her intentions. Whatever the outcome of her little boy situation, prayers would be needed.
In our church when someone wants prayers they start a prayer chain, they ring one person, that person rings two, they ring two and so on. Why is using twitter so different.
Trish´s last blog ..Stick ‘em up #3
Thank you so much for this. I don’t know Shellie and I’m not a member of Mom Dot, I simply found out about this tragedy through Jill @ Baby Rabies. I can’t imagine what Shellie and her family must be going through and my heart goes out to them.
As a military wife (which I believe Shellie also is) I know my support network spans the country and includes people I have never met face to face. That doesn’t mean they are no less some of my most trusted friends. And I think you have a valid point about the Tweeting vs. phone call…the internet is an amazingly powerful tool when used appropriately. There was nothing remotely inappropriate about her requesting support through a tweet. Those calling for so called “proof” or “confirmation” to this tragedy are simply disgusting and cowardice…I understand some are not even allowing responses on their blog postings.
In the face of all of this, there is a silver lining. An amazing show of support has come from people who may or may not know Shellie and her family. Count me in as one of Shellie’s supporters…she’ll be in my thoughts and prayers that her family can find comfort and peace in their time of need.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Creamy Gouda and Mushroom Soup
Greg, great post!
You hit the nail on the head, as a former Navy wife I can tell you that during tragedy in my life some of the first people I would contact for support I have never met, or met maybe once, and would contact through the internet.
Yes it does facilitate lies easier, but it also facilitates support easier as well.
Such a heartbreaking time for her and some people ACCUSE before anything…shameful.
Kim @ What’s That Smell?´s last blog ..A parent’s worst nightmare…
All I can really say right now is DITTO to everything you said. People are asses… plain and simple… let this family grieve… their loss is unbearable… all we can do is be here and support them.. AMEN!
Jenn´s last blog ..WW~ In Memory of Bryson Ross
Amen Greg and the comments to your post just shows that Shellie has many more supporters than haters. I don’t know her but you know me and as a mom and a compassionate person my heartfelt prayers go out to this woman and her family! So tragic a loss I can not express the pain I feel for this woman!!
As a mother who has lost a child I can not only explain why this Mom would share her tragedy but I fully understand it. In grief you reach out and lean on anyone and everyone you can to share their strength. If you don’t lean on others and purge the hurt in some way it will overwhelm you and you will be lost in the black hole that a child’s death leaves on your soul.
For those who know this mom… reach out and keep reaching out over the next months. Do not accept the she is ok.. Do not abandon her. She will need you more than ever even when she is pushing you away hold her. Saying nothing at all is worse than saying the wrong thing. Listen to her.. because sometimes just having someone listen is the best gift you can give a grieving parent.
It’s not the flu.. she won’t get over it. Don’t tell her her child is in a better place.. we know that and still want them in our arms. Tell her you care then listen.
Angelia ( Knottie)´s last blog ..Christmas Wishes Do Come True
Excellent post Greg. My heart aches for Shellie right now. I did have a short chance to meet her at BlogHer this year, and while short in time, it was obvious what a heart of gold. She deserves words of love, support, and comfort, though I know words do very little to fill such an immense pain and void.
We Love You All Shellie. Bryson, Look out for Mommy right now and make sure she knows you are still here.
Amen to that ,Greg . My heartfelt prayers go out to Shellie and her family!
I completely agree but I wonder if anyone has thought about the logistics of what happened. She tweeted after the paramedics were there and she was most likely pushed to the side so they could do their work.
My family that is on Twitter follows me. If she did have a local support network, it would have been quicker to tweet that she needed help than trying to call several people. Would anyone be chastising her for trying to call her mother?
Very well said. Although I follow Shellie on Twitter, I don’t really know her. I can’t presume to say what she should or should not have done in the face of such a tragedy. But it is natural to seek support when faced with loss. She tweeted a plea for prayers – and her online peeps responded with an outpouring of support – much better than a phone call or phone calls. She got immediate support from the thousands that follow her.
I really don’t know what I would have done if I had been in her situation. I can only imagine her grief. But I certainly can understand the impulse to seek support. I interact online only with some of my closest friends. I have dear friends I have never met IRL. I also have friends I met online that I later met IRL. I have reached out for support fromt hem when facing loss – when my grandma got sick with lung cancer, when my uncle had a heart attack, when I was waiting for news from the emergency doctor about my son. My online friends supported me immensely and helped me through – without having to “interact” with them in a phone call which can be difficult.
In any event, my heart breaks for Shellie. She is in my thoughts.
And I will hug my own kids a little tighter tonight.
Jennifer Taggart, TheSmartMama´s last blog ..Good Guide Admits Used Wrong Test for Zhu Zhu; CPSC Finds No Violation
Your last line is perfect. There are people on the other side of the keyboard. Reading the hatefulness directed at Shellie made me sick. Compounding an already tragic situation with such meanness shows an immense lack of character. Very well said.
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..I’m Tired of All the Ugliness in Social Media. A Letter to Those Determined to Ruin the Internet for the Rest of Us
I have to agree with the sentiments shared. Such a shame we have come to a place where we cannot care first and ask questions later. What matters is some one is in need, whether for the reasons stated or should that turn out not to be true, then for underlying reasons yet undiscovered resulting in acting out behavior. Either way compassion serves.
Amen~ We are not to judge, and I think the loss of her child will have her thinking for the rest of her life as it is. I feel her pain and wished that this tragedy didn’t have to happen.
Scolding her isn’t going to help anything, the child is gone and she is in so much pain. I have no family around me, so when I need to get something out that’s touching me I may post it on a private site with the family and friends that are on there and ask for prayer. My son had gotten into a severe car accident with a friend in which they had to use the jaws of life to get out. There wasn’t a way/means for me to get to him with a little baby at home with me… I got on a website that’s private and asked for prayers. The power of prayer I do believe in. I pray for comfort for this mom and her family.
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I have to admit, my first *controlled* response was that I found it strange that she tweeted. But after I thought about it some more, I realized, there is no way you can prepare yourself for the loss of a child, or how you will respond. One of my friends said to me “This is the primary way I communicate with you guys, so if something happened…” and I realized she was totally right.
I think that the reason (and this doesn’t make it right) that people were so skeptical is because of the whole “April Rose” scam that happened a few months back. That being said, the demands for proof and the hurtful accusations are repulsive. I feel awful that I myself questioned (though not publicly) the situation. This poor family, not only suffering because of the loss of their child, but also because people they don’t even know are heaping all this CRAP on them as well. I’m not one for vengeance, but, at the very least I hope these people see how horrible their words are, and make attempts towards forgiveness and repentance!!!!
My heart and prayers go out to the family…this is a tragedy I hope I never have to face, and wouldn’t wish on anyone!
I learned about this yesterday and can’t believe people would question and criticize someone going through such a loss like this. You said it very well, the internet and social networks may be faceless, let’s not make them heartless too.
I have never met or tweeted with military_mom but my heart broke when I learned of her loss and sent my condolences. I would hope others would have the heart to empathize with her and her family rather than criticize. People seek charity and prayers all the time on sites such as twitter. There are even prayer networks on twitter. Shellie had every right to turn to twitter for support from her network which should have expanded into a greater network of prayers and support outside of her followers. For people to judge her is ridiculous. They need to get a heart.
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awesome post, and totally needed to be said.
I totally agree with you!
Very well written post. MY prayers too are with Shelly and her family.
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So perhaps the demands of proof were wrong and very ill-timed.
However, let’s not allow the poor judgment on this person’s part to cancel out the valid points that were raised in wondering if the excessive use of Twitter is what distracted her from being in the moment with her baby, hence allowing him to wander and fall into an enclosed pool area – and drown.
I hurt for this mother. I myself am a mother, and dear God I would never wish the pain of losing a child on ANYbody. Please know that I say that with all my heart and sincerity when I also say this: the sad truth of the matter is that social media is the new drug and has too many parents feverishly looking down at their phones or into their computer screens, and not nearly enough into the eyes of their children.
Very well said! I totally agree. I often wonder when society so quickly changed to always think someone is scamming or lying first, feel sorry for them later. Too many people are looking for the bad in people right from the start instead of ever seeing the good.
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I can understand the tweet. I’ve often thought of how I would notify everyone if my partner or child died. I’d probably send an email. The reason is simple. In the midst of a crisis you don’t want to have to keep explaining what happened over and over again. A mass communication device can spread the word with little effort and give you some breathing room while you sort things out.
And even if it was fabricated (the drowning tweet) you still shouldn’t bash this person because instead of bashing a griever you’d be bashing a seriously mentally ill person. Either one is unacceptable.
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Amen & Bravo!
I am not as ‘techy’ as most of the crowd, but This mom was, and it was a very viable communication tool for her…
Can you imagine being in a new town , new home of 2 weeks, no hubby around, and tragedy strikes!
She contacted for prayers & help the fastest & best way she could at her disposal.
The attacks are nothing but childish, attention seekers who must not have a heart let alone a soul…
continued prayers fro the family.
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Thank You Greg for posting such a heartfelt message. Why on earth would anyone say such hurtful things to a Mom who lost a child? Yet I’ve run into the same types of people who have chastised me publicly when they have never met me, nor understood my situation. When someone is hurting, depressed, ill or grieving people need to give love, lots of slack, and as one friend said turn the other cheek as many times as needed into infinity if necessary.
As being one who has moved into many places where I have no local friends yet or having the internet as my only communication medium I can fully understand why she reached out the way she did. I saw her tweets in no way as asking for more than prayers or condolences from others. At no point did she ask for money to help with funeral expenses, monetary help or publicity.
She wanted support from her friends and family, while thankfully she got that, she also got used in a way by those trying to boost their sales, reputation and self-image. Demented fools seem to outnumber some of the more sane ones online. Sure, I understand the skepticism but its something that should be kept inside until more information is known. It didn’t take long for news stories to get out ASIDE from twitter and social media. If your that skeptic be patient and wait, don’t start calling hospitals and local police acting like a fool. No, these people did not have concern for the family nor the child, they had concern for their own goals and how they can use such a situation to springboard themselves into the social spotlight. These people will suffer a backlash financially and be shunned and disgraced by those who recognized the true intentions of people who like to chase tragedy.
Tragedy chasing seems to be the new way to gain notoriety in social media. These tragedy chasers have no respect for the truth or what really happened, instead they use these events to gain their 5 seconds of fame but in the new media age where a little bit of investigation can find enormous amount of detail on these tragedy chasers, the bad publicity hurts more than helps. Advertisers, publishers, fans and even employers drop those that pull stunts like this more than ever.
It was a sad day for @military_mom and her family, something they will have to deal with for years to come. They don’t need the second guessing nor the negative thoughts of those without one iota of humanity. Hopefully these hateful, ignorant and downright stupid comments are being ignored by the family grieving for their lost son and hopefully the ones responsible for the negative comments are known well for their stupidity to the point where they are completely shamed and gain the negativity they deserve.
Greg thank you for your well written essay. I am encouraged by the positivity that abounds on Twitter. Today is my 100th day anniversary of power tweeting. I am on my computers literally 14-16 hours a day. I am a CG artist and my teams are worldwide.
But it wasn’t until I started tweeting to tell the world that I exist that I began to open up. There is hope for even the cynics. They will be exposed to alot of possitivity (possible + positivity) and with open arms we should combat the negativity with hope.
On Twitter you can block those whose messages you never want to see in your stream. This will block them from you too, unfortunately. And in my humble opinion I truly think these folk need a large dosage of possitivity, asap.
Wow, what sort of complete asshole asks for “verification” when someone reaches out for some sympathy??
I was hit by a big rig truck this past February. Even with burns and broken bones, the first thing I did was tell my online friends about the accident. Hell, I did that before I went to the doctor!! Sometimes when you go through something awful, you just want someone out there to KNOW about it so you don’t feel so quite completely alone.
Great post, Greg.
Well said. I feel exactly the same way. Thank you for this….. especially since so much of the chatter has revolved around the world of ‘mommy bloggers’ – it is refreshing to know the mommys are not alone.
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A- friggin – MEN!!
I witnessed the nastiness that occurred in my twitter stream. Unbelievable. This community can be so giving and supportive. When one of our own struggles, we rally in awe-inspiring ways. BUT this just goes to show that there are mean people within any community. They should be ashamed of themselves. I don’t know Shellie, but she has been in my thoughts. My heart ached when I saw what happened.
I choose to ignore the vile trolls in hopes that they will go feed elsewhere soon.
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My first reaction when I found out about the accident through another person: “oh my God, oh God, please let that baby be okay”.
Then I remembered being in the 3rd grade and a boy in my class drowned. It was the first funeral I ever attended.
Next I felt physically sick at how close we all are to having horrible accidents happen to our children. My son was a preemie and it was touch and go for months with him. I will never forget the power of prayer.
I like to think most people are like me, and react in some similar way, first thought for the child with the realization that it could so easily be your own child.
As to the “other”, I call it libel, by definition. The worst part of all of this is that a child is dead. A bad part of all of this is we see the darker and destructive side of humanity. A great thing about all of this is the people who really care far outnumber those who do not.
Exactly. If I was in her same position, and we all could be, even those naysayers and doubters, I would turn to my friends online too!
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Yay for a voice of reason.
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People know they can be some haters! smh!
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I couldn’t agree with you more. I heard about that woman’s tragic loss, and actually saw some of those awful tweets. I don’t have words for that kind of behavior. Let’s just all use some common sense for crying out loud. My heart and prayers go out to Shellie and her family.
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I had not heard of this tragedy, and am simply devastated to think that people are being so hurtful… I can not imagine such pain, or the willingness to inflict it on someone– especially under these circumstances… My heart goes out the the entire family…
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Jeez, she asked for prayers and got condemned? What a horrible tragedy. My prayers go out to this family.
By-the-way, well stated.
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