Late With Thank You Notes? This Will Make You Feel Better.

As a freelancer, I see more than my fair share of crazy projects and nutball clients. But the one I’m about to expose takes the proverbial cake. It is, by far, the nuttiest and most inexplicable project request I have ever received.

It has to be shared so that those who suck at writing “Thank You” notes can feel a whole lot better. For this prospective client wasn’t just a few months late, a few years late, or even a decade late.

You can’t make this stuff up.
 
“I would like a thank you letter written to a group for wedding gifts given to us from my husband’s side of the family sixteen years ago.”

…Sixteen years ago?! I’ll admit that I wasn’t too sure what the etiquette rules were for sending “Thank You” notes but I was pretty confident that 16 years was outside the window of acceptance.

Just to be certain, I looked it up in the ol’ etiquette guide, and it read, “Send them out quickly. For a wedding, two weeks after you return from your honeymoon is a good time”. Ohhhhh! So close.

“I kind of let the ball drop by not sending out any thank you notes after the wedding because I was tired.”

…Uh, no. You can’t say you “kind of” dropped the ball 16 years after the fact. I know weddings can take a lot out of a person but I don’t want to meet the woman who needs 16 years to recuperate.

“I received items such as blue and white plates, two coffee pots, a crock pot, faux-gold silverware, and many other things I cannot remember.”

…Miss Manners has to be rolling over in her well-kept grave right about now. While I’m impressed that she can remember some of the gifts she received, it’s comical to me that the list is so short, and that she hasn’t a clue who gave her what.

“Also, some of his family gave me gift certificates to the Bon Marche where we were registered to buy items off my registry, however I pooled all my gift certificates together and bought a $240 black leather Coach purse instead.”

…I’m not sure if this woman is genuinely interested in making amends, trying to alienate herself from her family, or just plain nuts. I understand that gift certificates are traditionally used to purchase whatever the recipient wants, but in this case, I feel they should have been used on registry items or at least on something the two of them could enjoy. To me, doing otherwise is selfish, but I’m not so sure I’ll get nods from the ladies when a Coach purse is in the mix.

“His family has never brought up the fact that I never sent any thank you notes to them, but I feel bad that I never responded.”

…I think most of the gift givers are either too senile or too dead to be offended by now. And those who aren’t probably wrote off her manners about 15 1/2 years ago.

“You can make reference to how wonderful the catered food from Bakemans was, especially the teriyaki chicken skewers and the salmon. Feel free to add anything else that will make the letter more descriptive and use your imagination as needed.

I am not worried about factual information, just in conveying my gratitude sixteen years late.”

…Ah, ok. Nothing quite says “Thank You” like fabricated recreations. Let’s confuse people even more by breaking out stuff that never happened. If I did take on this project I’d probably complement the chicken and salmon talk with recollections of dancing monkeys, acrobats, and the goat sacrifice at the altar.

Perhaps I’d add how much Uncle Fritz is looking forward to parole after serving 15 years for discharging a weapon in a “Shotgun Wedding” prank gone awry.

Am I wrong in thinking this is completely nuts? Isn’t there a point where the etiquette line is crossed and there is no going back? Personally, I feel that if three months have passed and you still haven’t sent out “Thank You” notes, it’s probably time to shelve the idea. You’ll look lame anyhow so just chalk it up as a lost opportunity and try to make it up to them on the next one.

In the time it took her to write out this project description she could have had her “Thank You” note already written…and it would have come from the heart. Not from some stranger who is told to rely more on imagination than fact.

In today’s electronic age, the art of writing “Thank You” notes is dying a slow death. It’s a rare sight for me, and when I got a handwritten note from my cousin, all I could do was contemplate how long it must have taken her to write it.

I’m not even sure I remember how to write in cursive any more. When I look at letters that my great-grandfather wrote to my great-grandmother I am awestruck by how regal the handwriting looks. It’s amazing. When I take a look at my writing it looks like I’ve regressed to the second grade.

My handwriting may be atrocious, but at least it gets done, and I think people would prefer chicken-scratch over nothing any day of the week. Or, at the very least, before 16 etiquette-barren years have passed.