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I leave for Nestle and IZEAFest in about 10 days and I just discovered that can’t stuff my fattiness into 38W pants any more. I can get these babies to snap but I’m pretty sure I’m going to want to breathe at some point.
I suppose I could just suck it up (literally) but I worry that button shrapnel from a reflexive exhale would kill someone. That and sitting would probably require me to unbutton as though I had just labored through Thanksgiving dinner. No one wants to sit next to “that guy” on a plane.
Jamming into these pants is pretty uncomfortable and the ring of “me” that rests on the waistband is excruciating to look at. I’ve always been the fit and trim guy that could eat pizza without remorse or repercussions. Everyone else would just sit there…eating their barley and chick peas…and tell me how lucky I was.
Not any more. While the overweightedness (new word) is slight…it’s there…and I vow to not let it get any worse. I am NOT upgrading my pants so it’s time to downsize immediately.
While working out to the Flirty Girl Fitness series was nice and all, I do want to retain a shred of pride. Plus, I already mailed the kit off to the lucky winner. For me, I need RIGOROUS scaling.
On the plus side, my wife is a licensed personal trainer.
On the negative side, my wife is a licensed personal trainer.
She is going to wreck me. She’s the kind of personal trainer who’s all into stretches, weights, and (dare I say it), water. I’ve seen her work with people and my muscles already ache from anticipation. They aren’t used to, well, activity, and I just know she’s going to take great delight in this.
I should vlog the experience. Not to share with all of you, but to share with the prosecutor when she’s on trial for chubby hubby abuse. Even though I know what awaits, I’ve agreed to kick this mini-session into high gear.
When she gets done with me I may very well be able to slide into these 38W’s but I’m not entirely sure I’ll have the strength to button them.
Will Nestle provide spotters?
This stinks.
Goodbye pizza.
Goodbye french fries.
Goodbye coca-cola.
Hello…earth. Hello carrots, gnarly green stuff, and fat-free delights.
Hello…misery.
Ya know, this would be a whole lot easier if the “Recommended Attire” could shift from Business Casual to Sweatpants. But noooo, these events expect a modicum of class.
So I hereby declare that I will be wearing my 38W pants no matter what. If they fit, I will have accomplished the impossible and can attend in comfort. If they don’t, I’ll affix a mudflap over my belt to block any potential ricochets from wayward snaps.
Alas, I think I can do it. I don’t have a ton to lose and my wife is quite talented at breaking people of their habits and happiness. I’m ready, honey, Operation Slimgreg is now in effect.
Right after I finish this fudgsicle.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
You know, you could do the preggo trick… Hook an elastic through your button hole and your button, gives you a few extra inches so you don’t have to move to Maternity pants just yet! HEY! You could wear that empathy belly (that IS still coming, right?!)to Nestle and then just wear maternity pants. All for the love of blogging.
Cheryl´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday- Our Family
@Cheryl – Now THAT is an idea, lol. Who needs exercise when there’s elastic?
Oh, as for the empathy suit, it doesn’t even come close to fitting me. That and they are hundreds of dollars to have custom made. Unfortunately, I have to think of another tactic for the next fundraiser!
I am not as bad as he makes me sound….but he will be sore!
I’m with ya on the losing weight end. I just had my second daughter in June, and I’ve “graciously” been given 9 months to work off the excess weight I’m still hanging on to. As my DH says, “It took you nine months to put it on, you get nine months to take it off.” Unfortunately, I too am a lover of all things sweet, salty, and fattening. Especially soda. *sigh* Maybe your wife could whip me into shape too?
Jamie´s last blog ..Hooray! Nyah got a brand new…
You could always do what I’m doing… Practically no carbs… I allow myself breakfast of cereal (with skim milk in the morning) because it’s better than what I WAS doing- no breakfast at all and then realizing at 3pm that I hadn’t eaten YET that day. And I’ve lost 13 lbs in less than 3 weeks.
Cheryl´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday- Our Family
I have the best recipe that calls for kale! Actually, I think it calls for some other obscure green, but I use kale instead.
It’s that Zuppa Toscana soup from Olive Garden. YUM! I can send you the recipe, if you want. =)
Lisa´s last blog ..Fluffy Mail!
Don’t give up all the good stuff, but don’t eat it as you’ve been eating it, either. Choose healthier, but ensure that earthy stuff is in there, too. Don’t forget about fiber and such. Perhaps a cleanse to help you drop 10 or so lbs before these conferences? Plus it’ll start you off well, too.
And Greg, I love ya and all, but Heather? Do it up, girlfriend *knuckles* kick his ass into shape. I’m about ready to start gettin’ tough with mine, Mr. I’d-Rather-Play-Madden-’10-than-Work-Out. We’re on to you two. Game on.
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting´s last blog ..Gimme an S! Gimme an L! Gimme an E-E-P!
In the words of Rob Shneider, Waterboy…Greg, You can do it! You can do it all night long! (the fitness training that is) I have the utmost confidence your wife will whip your ass into shape and enjoy every minute of it.
Cat @ 3 Kids and Us´s last blog ..I Smell like Motherhood
I think there should definitely be video footage for the entertainment of the Internets.
Amanda´s last blog ..Fall Has Officially Arrived
Yes, this definitely needs to be on video! And I agree with the low carb part too–I’ve recently cut way back on the carbs and when I do eat them, I don’t mix them with fat or proteins. Lost 18lbs and counting! Suzanne Somers’ book Eat Great, Lose Weight. You’ll be wearing those 38s in no time!
LOL. What is it with men refusing to move up a pants size? My husband is the same exact way. For the last few years he’s had that same ring yet continued to squeeze into his 32s. It looked painful, like the circulation to his legs was being cut off. So I had enough and bought him 33s, oh the horror!
Good luck with the training, I can’t wait to see some video of it.
Marianna @ Green Mama’s Pad´s last blog ..UPrinting.com Rolled Poster Print Giveaway
Greg, good for you ! I know you can do it , and if you are a little slack about it I’m sure Heather will kick your butt into gear! I so wish my spouse was a Personal Trainer , I wouldn’t be sitting on my butt all day that’s for sure !
You totally need to Vlog this so we can check it out , I think it would be awesome !
LISA´s last blog ..A Long Sunday Stealing
Greg, This is Rob from Look What Mom Found…and Dad too! I think you, me, my wife Melinda, Susan from Life in the House of Blue and Erin from the Mom Buzz are on the same IZEAFest scavenger hunt team. First time at your blog and this post was funny. I know how you feel I use to be 310 lbs 2 years ago and got down to 255 lbs where I have been for the last year. I am stepping it up aslo. Not for Florida but just to be more fit. Don’t give up everything. What you need to do is give yourself either one cheat day or one cheat meal a week to keep you on track. I did Friday as that is pizza night in my house. Also eat alot of protein like chicken and stuff. If you need more help ask Erin (The Mom Buzz) or her hubby Kevin as he is a body builder and is in awesome shape. Keep it up you will do fine otherwise I am going to make fun of you in florida. LOL. Kidding. Good Luck!
Rob´s last blog ..T.V. I Love To Watch
As always Mrs Telling Dad, I have great healthy recipes. Even ways to get that good stuff past even you Greg! Miss you guys! Good Luck to both of you on this venture!