As many of you know, I expect to start my Flirty Girl Fitness 5-Pound Challenge sometime this week.
For those of you shamefully out of the loop, you really need to get with the program.
How can you possibly expect to share in cerebral discussions about my hip-twistin’ booty-shakin’ workouts if you aren’t “in the know”?
So What Happened?
While I initially hoped to raise $250, which I reluctantly raised to $500, the generosity of people shattered this goal in less than 28 hours. Not even 5 days later we’re just under $900 and close to doubling a goal I thought would be too difficult to obtain.
Apparently, the thought of me shaking my derriere puts people in the giving mood. If this pans out, I might approach the Salvation Army about rump-bumping next to a red kettle come Christmas time.
Think about it. If I were to out-earn statuesque bell ringers then I could single-handedly revolutionize their fund raising efforts. “Silent Night” could be replaced with “I See You Baby…Shakin’ That A..” and bells-in-hand could be replaced with belly dancer coin belts. The Santa outfit can stay. I’m not unreasonable.
But I digress.
As soon as I finished the Flirty Girl page I asked people to help spread the word. My sister, who I absolutely adore, sent an email to everyone in her address book. The thought was pure and wonderful. The execution left people with a lot of questions.
“The more money he raises the crazier he will get.”
…Uh, no! I’m already on the cusp of being certifiable just for doing this. Crazy is someone with zero dancing skills trying to emulate the moves of professional hotties. Crazy is agreeing to use the feather boa if we raise $1,000. Crazy is publishing everything on video.
“Flirty girl videos are stripper exercise videos…”
…According to their website, the Flirty Girl Fitness series is based on the latest dance moves at the hottest dance clubs. I’m sure strippers would find them appealing but they are not touted as stripper exercise videos. All walks of life can enjoy these. I’m half inclined to conduct a free Flirty Girl Fitness Clinic down at the Shady Acres Senior Home just to prove a point. Most of the hips in that joint are on swivels anyhow. They’ll be naturals.
“Plus you get to see my brother try to dance like a girl stripper.”
…Before people demand a refund, this is patently false. I am not looking to make a spectacle out of myself…at least not on purpose. I actually think the comedic value lies in me seriously trying to make this work. I won’t need to exaggerate anything and I’m not out to deliver some Borat- or Bruno-like performance.
I will be doing the challenge as anyone would if they were serious. I intend to lose 5 pounds doing the program and I won’t get there if I just act like a clown and mock the workouts. It will look nutty enough, trust me.
Three Things It Is…and Isn’t.
1. This is a serious attempt to lose 5 pounds with a less-than-serious approach.
2. I will be wearing my normal workout clothes which consist of a T-shirt and basketball shorts. I will not be wearing bicycle pants or leotards with all my junk on display.
3. I will not be prancing about in slapstick fashion. I’m quite sure my perfectly normal attempts to duplicate their moves will be funny enough.
I’m actually looking forward to seeing if this program really works and the program should arrive sometime later this week. Their site does state that “there’s no reason a man can’t feel fit and fabulous too”, and I’m going to put that to the test. In the most masculine manner possible.