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Seriously, I’m not trying to start anything, I’m just very curious.
It was bad enough that I had to endure a flurry of tweets about the supposed #balloonboy who was trapped in a wayward balloon 7,000 feet above the ground.
But right in the heat of that I was busy getting bombarded by tweets about the TSA ripping a child away from his mother’s clutches. That post is here.
I felt for each of these families as most others did as well. I was genuinely petrified for one family and genuinely angry for another…two families I’ve never even met.
Then, after a flurry of heart-skipping moments, the balloon boy is found hiding in a box in the attic. I swear I wanted to fly to Colorado and ground the kid myself.
I was relieved, but irritated. Soon after this emotional rollercoaster I come to find out that the TSA incident was exaggerated to the point where it sounded fabricated after they posted the security camera footage on their website.
Dang! Can’t we just enjoy a good old fashioned honest dramafest any more? Tweeps have needs!
Anyhow, the TSA video evidence appeared to blow Nic’s recollection of the events out of the water and dozens of people stormed her site in short order to vocalize their displeasure. And I’m being tactful in describing it this way. Some defended her suggesting the video was doctored but I’m not convinced. Then again, we never really landed on the moon. Or did we?
While I don’t agree with those who posted her home address and called her out as a lunatic, alcoholic, and array of other not-so-nice names, I can see the root of the anger.
First, her account of the TSA’s behavior had more holes than the fairways of Caddyshack. Second, she had tweeted that she was going to sell the story to publishers (probably a joke, but ouch!). And third, people’s anger had to go somewhere and it shifted away from the TSA and onto her…but with far more ire.
She posted a follow-up post to answer those who were calling her a liar entitled, “My Apologies“, so I fully expected to read a retraction, an admission of guilt, and an apology. And soon after, a return to normalcy.
Instead, the post didn’t really apologize for anything outside of the fact that it took her some time to reply. I feel for her, I really do, because I know she has to be reeling right now. Not only from the viral explosion of her accusations and subsequent backpedaling, but also from the venomous comments she received as a result.
I commented hoping to give her some guidance but comments were removed from those posts shortly thereafter. Shucks. And what I wrote was brilliant! 
I also chose to write something constructive and not participate in the bashing frenzy.
I’m not blaming her for doing so, as her home address and uncalled-for names were being posted, but I do think she should have left the lines of communication open and just nixed the abusive comments or those that breached privacy.
Nic, if you’re listening, people make mistakes, and the public is a very forgiving bunch. As well, the Internet community has a short memory. If you show contrition on Friday you’ll be forgotten about by Monday. But only if you come clean. The last thing you want to do is give ravenous wolves more to chew on.
If you are telling the truth, stick by it. If you want to admit that you were swept up with emotion and facts were distorted, apologize for it.
I’m not saying you owe any of us anything but when your blog is an extension of yourself and you want people to find your future posts credible, you kind of owe it to yourself to take one firm stand.
(Ok, I’m climbing off that soap box so that I can board another)
On her site is a button that says “Blog With Integrity” and I’ve seen that button gain steam in the blogging community over the past several months. Personally, I like my “Blog for Peace, Not Swag.” button better but that’s only because I’m biased about the stuff I create.
Truth be told, I love the concept behind Blog With Integrity’s purpose, but I always wondered from inception if it would have any clout. I wondered how adamant they’d be about protecting what it stands for when the chips are down, as they say.
Well, the chips are down.
And this is why I’m so interested to see how it’s handled. She took their pledge, which you can read here. While it primarily pertains to reviews and corporate relationships, the intent for other aspects of blogging is clear.
I’m not saying she should be ostracized from using the badge and flogged in front of the blogging community but I do think that with the use of that badge comes some responsibility. It’s easy to copy and paste the button code but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to honor what it stands for.
So that’s that. I haven’t a clue what the actual honest-to-God truth is in this situation but I do know the initial post isn’t it. The struggles she endures are her own to work out and I know this has got to be taxing on her family.
If she was standing in front of me today, I would tell her to embrace her husband and son, for their love and support won’t waver. I’d then tell her to speak openly to her readers and to her detractors. She can salvage a lot of respect and even more credibility if she talks openly.
You’ll never convince those who despise you or those who are full of rage. But you aren’t looking to save those relationships anyhow. Focus on those who have come to know you through your blog and communicate with them before you lose them.
And as for Blog With Integrity, I am very interested to see what comes of this whole situation. I’m not challenging you to make some governing ruling but I am watching with eager eyes and listening with eager ears to see if you rally behind the blogger or the button. Or possibly even both. You’re in a tough spot but ignoring it will only make some question the influence behind the badge.
UPDATE – October 19th: As of Monday morning it looks as though the “Blog with Integrity” badge has been removed from her site. Whether she did it herself out of respect for the mission or they encouraged her to do so, it really doesn’t matter. The point is that its removal is at least a sign of integrity. I thought the group behind the badge handled the situation gracefully and if Nic removed it on her own then that should speak to people.
I think the entire situation is a sad one and those who are going overboard need to realize that there is more at play than a “lie for traffic”. It was wrong but it shouldn’t be the sole consideration in defining her. There, I’ve said my peace. The internet can move on now.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Greg, you bring up a lot of valid points. This woman was clearly distraught, but her intentions are questionable. As for the BWI badge, tough to say what will come of it, but I get the feeling not much.
.-= Cat @ 3 Kids and Us´s last blog ..SAD and Light Therapy =-.
I think Blog with Integrity means different things to different people. While I also believe in its vision, I think more tactical guidelines are required for it to have teeth. But even with good tactical guidelines, it is bound to be followed about as closely as the International Code of Marketing of Breast-Milk Substitutes.
.-= Annie @ PhD in Parenting´s last blog ..10 ways to feed your family without killing the planet (Blog Action Day) =-.
Greg this was very well stated! Thank You! I think the biggest issue I personally have with the story is that if she is lying, she is giving other bloggers a bad name. If she is telling the truth (I really don't see HOW) then she isn't handling things well either. Yes we have freedom of speech but at the same time we shouldn't be allowed to spew lies and accusations unless we can stand behind them 100%. When someone points out that you are wrong, apologize and move on! I dont' understand the lies and I really hope that she can come to accept that she's been outed and just admit it. That's all we want!
.-= Gena Morris´s last blog ..100 UPrinting Postcards for Christmas! Giveaway =-.
Luckily it is no where near, lets say having a license to be a doctor. I could see it now. I am doctor, and I have the best prices in town, and you see that sign on the wall that says I am insured, its real. I see why it is not that easy to start a medical office.
When I first heard of people "creating" these ethical standards commissions (ok, I think I am using better wording then they did) I thought they were a joke. I understand people wanting to be honest, but don't say you are, and in fact not be. Be yourself if you have nothing t worry about.
I love the freedom of speech, but there should also be a freedom against misleading. You have some good posts here and they are interesting reads on your opinions on real blogosphere controversy.
.-= Del The Dad´s last blog ..Our Recent Trip to Southern California with D3Publisher =-.
I am curious to see what happens as well. I agree with Gena, this whole thing *seems* to be a fabrication and as such it is bound to give bloggers a bad name. If she was so torn up about it all I don't think she would be sending out joking "publishing" tweets – at least I wouldn't. This whole thing is just really too bad, because I liked her blog and her brutal honesty (?).
.-= Janis @ SneakPeek´s last blog ..These Boots Were Made For Rain =-.
Very well said Greg. You always say things respectfully and honestly.
I do understand that some of what she went through (from seeing the video) must have been embarrassing but to lie or exaggerate to your readers, friends and family is uncalled for. And I too think that an apology to those that follow her is something that needs to be done before each and every post she does from here on out is ignored, not believed, and bashed.
As for the uncalled for names and privacy information that was stated in the comments, people need to realize that making those kinds of comments makes them look as bad as the one being bashed. Just my two cents.
Thanks for another great post!
.-= Stefanie´s last blog ..Small Talk Six – Sugar Baby =-.
Wow, very well written and so many good points. I am also interested to see what comes of the entire situation. So much for blogging with integrity.
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Tinytongs – Review & Giveaway =-.
This is a very well thought out post and I commend you for being politic and that you seem genuinely concerned for her.
I am concerned for her as well. I am not a stranger to her…I commented on her blog once and we follow each other on Twitter, but I don't know her well. I had no reason to doubt her, so I ReTweeted it.
Having lost a child, I was sick about her son and sympathized with her anxiety.
Then I logged in tonight. Oy.
I watched the tape, I am inclined to believe it.
My heart WRENCHES for her, though. I know people are angry. VERY angry. I am not angry (God knows I have made my share of stupid, horrible mistakes) but I am not thrilled about it, either.
But the things being said about every single aspect of her life…man. So, SO vile. People wanting her kid taken away? I can't get behind crap like that, either.
Frankly, I don't really care about the Blogging With Integrity thing other then it is rather ironic.
I am more concerned what, if anything, BlogHer decides to do with her ads. They have a clause against publishing false information. It may be too close or gray to make a move about it.
To me, there is no consequence Blogging With Integrity can do other then take away her button. And really, no one is going to care if a blog doesn't contain the button, grand as it is. But if BlogHer chose to, they could yank her ads or choose to not reimburse for the 100,000+ hits her blog has generated with this story.
This is not me calling for that, god knows the woman is getting her share of punishment AND BEYOND for this. I am just wondering if anything will be done because of it.
This week has been a major learning lesson for me. I have RT 2 stories, this one and another. (As far as I know, Zach Braff STILL isn't dead.) I blame myself for not being more prudent but I hate that I can't just trust people.
Thanks for providing a space where I feel comfortable voicing my thoughts because Twitter, my blog and hers just isn't the place for it.
.-= Loralee´s last blog ..I could watch this every minute of every day and not tire of it. =-.
Part of integrity is giving this thing a chance to play out and finding what the truth is. Personally, I have my (strong) opinions, but I've learned that the truth is often somewhere in the middle. Bloggers accused this woman of "going into hiding" when it appears she was on a cross-country airplane all day. And if for some reason she is delusional, does that mean she "lied?" Not saying she's delusional by the way – just that I need more information.
As one of the founders of Blog with Integrity, I can tell you it is not a regulatory effort with a judge and jury, it's a community effort; and thus, the community has the right to decide if and whether the badge is being used inappropriately and we will respect that.
Very well written Greg. It will be interesting to see what happens with the BWI badge. Posting a badge on a blog doesn't instantly make a person have integrity or ethics. Those who are carrying such a badge and don't follow its rules only taint it for the rest who are following the rules.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Chili's Follow Up =-.
Greg. Nice post as always. Melinda and I have the BWI badge and believe in it fully. We would never think about posting anything that might even slightly resemble unethical blogging behavior because we then lose all creditability. Our blog is our word and even a slight fabrication is not cool. I hope this story is not false because I really felt for her and her son. She lives in MD not far from us and I wanted to contact her and talk to her and maybe I will after the heat dies down. Would love to talk to her in person to see what she has to say. Thanks for this great post and all of your awesome points.
.-= Rob´s last blog ..Sunday MckLinky Edition =-.
I greatly appreciate everyone's comments and not just because you're sending kudos.
I feel genuinely bad for her because it's only getting worse but I do think many will move on to the next exposed underbelly in due time.
@loralee – I loved your comment and agree with everything you wrote. I wouldn't consider myself "angry" either but I'm plenty irked. These kinds of developments only hurt those with legitimate issues in the future. I don't doubt that she's a good person, I just think the desire to embellish the story for effect got a bit out of hand.
And you are right, no one will care if the Blog with Integrity button isn't there. But many WILL care if it is.
@mom101 – Thank you so much for coming here and replying. I hope you realize that I'm not 'challenging' you to take action. I also agree that you need to see how it plays out. Watching that video may have refuted what was alleged but she still endured an undue wait, especially with a child in tow.
I know you don't have a judge and jury but you do have influence. You can't strip the button away but you can ask that it be removed if you feel it was violated. It's up to the blogger to comply but it shows your desire to protect the underlying message behind it.
I'm not saying you should do this but you don't want people to have a "Oh, yeah right" perception when they see the button on other blogs. If there's a pledge, there's a responsibility by those who sign it, so I'm just curious to see how it plays out.
I don't think she should be punished, she's getting plenty of that from strangers, but I do hope she just puts it to rest. Not to quell those saying outlandish and uncalled for things, but to salvage the relationships with those who feel their trust was breached.
@Amanda @Rob – I don't mean to imply that those who display the button are fudging the system. I just think that those who display it need to honor what it stands for. I love the message and purpose behind Blog With Integrity, I just want to see how it's protected by bloggers and founders alike. I want the banner to MEAN SOMETHING and it can't if its intent is ignored by those who simply display it for show.
Hopefully, this is just one big snafu and I also believe that the truth is somewhere in the middle. I just hope she does the right thing. She still has a community, albeit a discerning one, willing to wrap their arms around her but she needs to converse openly with them to preserve it. I don't think silence will solve the ills but that's just one guy's opinion.
Greg, what have I been saying all along…badges and "contracts" dont magically give people morality. Trust me, we tried via PB and all it did was allow us to fire people out of the system for breach-and we did.
Unfortunately the social media section of the blogosphere is one competitive bunch that really gives 2 sh*ts as long as they are in the limelight, so my take on it to her is….rock on miss overzealous writer.
And good luck digging, and digging out of, the grave.
~Trisha
.-= trisha´s last blog ..New Developmental Toys from Sassy =-.
Enjoyed the post, Greg. You bring up the bigger picture of choice for me. Anyone can start a blog for free. Though it's difficult to do it well. Anyone can lie. It's more difficult to have integrity. It's easy to be self-righteous. An insanely difficult to act selflessly. Choices we all get to make on a regular basis. The beauty of the story of Grace is that you can screw up and take another stab at it.
.-= Mr. Blonde´s last blog ..Buble's Crazy Love ups and downs =-.
I agree with everything you've said (and I read your original comment, it was brilliant)
I do believe she needs to apologize FOR REAL now, but I know, considering her circumstances, she might not because she might actually believe what she said is what happened.
I'm grateful Liz came by to discuss what stance BWI is taking with this. I, too, was curious about whether she would be allowed to keep her button. I wonder how the community will come to decide, though. On Twitter? On Facebook? Though an email of all BWI members? Will we vote or something?
Needless to say, I really hope Nic is taking time to re-evaluate, contemplate what has happened, and heal. This week was most certainly a reeling one, one where everyone's a bit shaken up. If nothing else comes of this, I hope people learn – DON'T LIE. (I know, I'm quite the glass half-full, hopeful one, aren't I?)
I find myself not so much interested in Nic and what would be the truth in the situation but more so in how the community she has involved herself in, our blogging world, is reacting to the allegations she wasn't honest.
I am glad you didn't pick up your pitchfork and demand she be burned at the stake like some other bloggers have done. But I appreciate your point of view and the comments this post has inspired.
Makes for some nice thinking for my weary brain to do on a bleak Sunday morning.
Oh, and nice to meet you dude.
Wink.
.-= Redneck Mommy´s last blog ..Morning Jolt =-.
I think what really made it all a joke for me was when a group of review bloggers started a group or something called "ethical blogger." I thought when I saw this, somebody has something to hide. What also made it hard for me to even take serious, was the people who were starting it. They have a knack for trying to start "controversy" when all they do try ideas that they think will work for them, without thinking about all the others out there. Seriously, the only people who are going to think that by putting a little photoshop made icon on your blog (this is completely free and takes what 2 mins) you will be part of an exclusive group? This kind of plays back into my post people on my website: http://ordinarydad.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/commu…. The only people that I would think might be duped by these type of antics are misled and/or naive people, or they just dont see the bigger picture.
Its like me just starting and go around saying I have tons of traffic, visitors, and comments. I could get on traffic lists, find traffic bots, and create fake names for comments (i am sure these are all currently used by people, if they exist.) But I would choose to be honest. Let people try and knock me down, I dont think you can gauge the success of your blog off of how it does in the first several months, and if you can I think mine is ok. I am not hear to appease people, but to give them something to think about. I do it myself a lot, so I have a lot I think about. More people should try it, but those are quick to react.
Anyways, I accept any and all flamage. Thank you all and have a good Sunday.
.-= Del The Dad´s last blog ..Our Recent Trip to Southern California with D3Publisher =-.
Thanks for the thoughtful discussion and response Greg. If you're interested, Blog with Integrity has a statement up now on the Facebook page (although it appears in the notes section). Hopefully it provides some clarity on our position.
http://www.facebook.com/blogwithintegrity
All constructive comments are welcome.
.-= mom101´s last blog ..Dear Balloon Boy Family, You F*cking Suck =-.
Hm as someone else pointed out the Ethical Blogger. I just have to say that I seen what it meant and I have to say it was a GREAT idea! It wasn't about being in a clique. It was about being held accountable to be ETHICAL. Something I truly believe in. I think that those who are behind these communities and honors should stand behind their intentions. If someone is UN ethical then that should be known. There are bloggers that spout how ethical they are but lie, harass, cheat and more! In the end it is up to each individual to make up our own mind about people. I don't think it's right to go to OTHERS and spew your hatred for others.
.-= Gena Morris´s last blog ..Giveaway Monday =-.
The fact that she removed her badge says so much. Good on ya Nic.
At the same time I wish she would come out and answer the questions that we all have. I understand if she can't do that. But I do wish for it.
It also goes to show that badges are not an indicator of integrity, actions are.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Weekly Inspiration – Oct 19th =-.
Well, a few good things have come out of this for me personally. I've met some new people on Twitter, I've discovered new blogs, I've come out of my anti-blogging closet (ok, its more like a cubby hole but still…), and I've realized I have more in common with some of my blogging friends than I thought.
Anyway, I've left a few comments here and there on various blogs about the whole thing and, yes, I'm working on my own post and even though I can be quite the bitch, its nowhere near as bad as some of the lynch mob mentality I've been seeing. People have called CPS over this? Are you freakin' kidding me? Sure, she needs help but removing her child is a bit much. Can you imagine if everyone were subjected to something like that just for being a drama queen? Our system would collapse under the weight!
BUT…I agree with what Loralee said about the BlogHer thing. And I DID call for it. I emailed BlogHer to voice my opinion about the ads on her site, stating that I don't think she should be able to profit from this whole fiasco, at least not from them. There are plenty of deserving bloggers who are not eligible to place those ads on their site because they just don't have the traffic or they don't meet some other qualification and this isn't exactly fair to them.
My other concern is the issue of her mental disorder. I have a small amount of sympathy for her over that. Honestly, I do. But I can say as someone with my own diagnosis that she's really made us medicated people look bad. We get called crazy enough as it is without highly publicized incidents like this making it worse. In some minds, this just affirms that idea that anyone who is on medication for a mental disorder is a pathological liar, an attention whore, a bad parent and should not be trusted.
Gena Morris, I was just stating my view. It is up to each individual to make their own choice. Let me ask you or anyone this question? Is it fair to go and make up lies about someone you do not like and tell those lies to other people behind ones backs? I think this makes the playing field a little uneven, just like what the above mentioned blogger tried to do with the TSA.
Everyone who says otherwise needs to come and realize that people lie. People will say what they need to make themselves look like they were the victim of their own lies. A good way to make people choose between those is to create a victim and a perp.
I think this whole TSA thing was a good example of how someone can use their blog to try and put someone down…Sad thing is the TSA had a camera. I read her story first, and had a made a mental video as I read her post. Then I saw the actual video. I was surprised that someone actually got caught up in their lie, at least it was against the government or some type of institution, and at least it was not directly to a person or certain type of person.
I realize that there are groups of people that just don’t care and think it is OK to lie about things/people. I was not shocked that someone with so much 'clout and community' would lie like that. It seemed she thought she was going to use her blog to scare the TSA? I have seen this done in the past, on a personal level, but this is a prime example where the liar got caught up. I am sure many of you think it is 'ok', if she apologizes, but what example does that set to say "its ok." This must be a line where people are separated. Like democrats and republicans.
We stand apart on some of the dumbest things, but that is life. Politicians continue to get away with things which usually include lying, but I guess we should teach and tell our kids to get ahead and cheat and lie, just don't get caught. I will not teach that kind of behavior to my children or anyone that I have any influence or control over. My kids will know that others lie, so I obviously I will have to explain why lying is not acceptable. That will be a blog post in the future probably.
I started my website so I can say what I think, not to have people create my menu of choices on what I can and cannot do. I have a life to run, so I don’t need the net to create one for me. I admit, I do like the aspect of using it for social media, but I will not be pushed around by some bloggers who don’t like me cause I called out their (2) blogging buddy. I don't like to have negative things on my blog, but once in a while I will talk about the things that piss me off.
I don't think that having a list of followers on twitter and a high traffic count due to manipulating the different social tools, should be the standard that makes someone an ethical blogger. Many, who gain those numbers, find ways to cheat the system (again, this is something where there are no rules on or clear definitions.) I don't find that too ethical, but we all have a different understanding on the meaning.
I started college many years back as computer engineering major, and all engineering majors are taught standards on making ethical choices that will benefit and in no way harm the public. This seems a common sense ideal, but I give some people more credit than they deserve.
Also to the lady who got caught up in this TSA thing, this is not an attack on you, but hopefully you will learn from this as well as others out there.
*** I don’t have any more time to spend on this; I have proofread it as long as I can, so hopefully you will bear with me while reading.
.-= Del The Dad´s last blog ..Our Recent Trip to Southern California with D3Publisher =-.
Also I said nothing about a clique, the post I mentioned was just in reference about how I feel about people who use are dishonest and don't like others. It seems to me that people who lie and are deceitful run with people like them. I think most people can understand that a little. Hey, we can call them interest groups (haha, get it.)
.-= Del The Dad´s last blog ..Our Recent Trip to Southern California with D3Publisher =-.