Hello, I’m giving you my 88-week notice.

I never thought I’d ever write a blog post about Oprah unless it was to thank her for having me on her show.

But this announcement of hers is just insane.

CNN and MSNBC are all aflutter with headlines, video montages, and “fan reaction” after Oprah deflated the world by announcing that she was quitting her show.

In September of 2011.

Are you sure this is enough notice? Can the planet prepare for such a void in this amount of time?

I’m actually a fan of hers and I think she’s done absolutely wonderful things for women, impoverished people, and those who needed a shoulder to cry on. She’s inspired millions and even gave birth to Dr. Phil LIVE on the air. But come on y’all, 22 months notice?

I’m not a researcher, nor do I have the energy to look it up, but is this the longest span of time between announcement and office-packing in the history of the world? Even the president of the United States is only given a few months to gather his things and leave the most powerful office on earth. And Oprah needs 22 months?

I suppose this will at least lend credence to all the doomsday theorists who think the world will end in 2012. Because when you think about it, a planet without Oprah isn’t really a planet at all.

The DOW plunged 44 points since her official announcement and gas at our local Chevron jacked up two cents. Oprah’s departure is already killing the economy and it’s not even a day old. If this trend keeps up between now and September 2011 the stock market will drop 27,104 points and gas will cost $12.32 a gallon. Thanks a lot Oprah.

In the months leading up to her departure I encourage everyone to save gas, hoard food, and stay indoors. It’s going to get bumpy. I’m just thankful I have enough time to sit with my children and explain why the nation is in turmoil.

For those who worry about Oprah being able to make it on a fixed income after she leaves her show, never fear, she’ll make do. Consider this excerpt from CNN.

In 2008, Winfrey announced that beginning in 2009, the Discovery Health Channel would be named OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. The network is “a multi-platform media company designed to entertain, inform and inspire people to live their best lives,” according to Oprah.com.

Could there be a more appropriate acronym than “OWN”?

Thanks for the heads up Oprah. I suppose 88 weeks is enough time for the global community to enter and exit the five stages of grief.

The headlines state that “Winfrey announces the end of Oprah”. I think America knows that this is only the beginning.

Prepare yourselves. Prepare for Oprahpalooza in all facets of the mainstream media.