Okay, so my original plan was to write one update for every month I missed during my writing hiatus. But seeing how I can only sit down once every week or two to write, I’ve come to realize that I will remain in perpetual catch-up mode for the rest of my life if I don’t hurry this along.
So, out of a desire to “live in the now,” I’m just going to blast out 25 quick and quasi-pointless blurbs about the last 27 months of our lives so we can move on to bigger and better quasi-pointless blurbs.
In no particular order…
1. Our adopted dog from Turkey sadly passed away. We miss her dearly.
2. Fire engine Perry was sold and shipped to Chicago after getting a repair quote of $4,000. Proof that love does have a price.
3. Kamryn saw a barn cat at her grandpa’s farm. Said cat is now tormenting Kamryn’s other previous finds right here at home.
4. Heather’s health continues to be our primary concern and we’re now 0-10 with specialists finding a cause or a cure.
5. An appointment where my wife’s endocrinologist made remarks about her “brittle hair,” “ashy skin,” and some unintelligible mumbling about her face has created a treasure trove of post fodder.
6. After knee surgery where I was told I have no more cartilage left and am now bone-on-bone, I made the difficult decision to quit playing basketball.
7. I missed basketball too much so I started playing again.
8. The knee pain was too great so I quit playing basketball.
9. I went to visit the rec center where I once played basketball and the shine of the court coupled with the squeaks of the sneakers led to me calling my wife and having her bring my gear. I once again started playing basketball.
10. After being unable to walk for two straight days without knee and hip pain, I finally decided to quit playing basketball.
11. I’ll be back.
12. During a vacation to the Shenandoah Mountains in Virginia, we happened upon a black bear while wandering through the woods. Gripped with fear, we cautiously passed despite Kamryn’s boisterous Oooo’s and Ahhh’s. He was too busy eating to care about us. We think it was another hiker.
13. Our cool cat, Rick James, lived a short but charmed life.
14. Our minivan held on as long as it could, but with 258,000 miles on its weakening frame, we traded it in for a Chevy Surburban. It is, by far, my favorite vehicle to date. We can actually fit the entire family inside AND bring things with us.
15. Kamryn has made it her mission to memorize all 32 NFL teams based on cities and helmets. I must admit, I’m a little bit misty-eyed.
16. After a rough start in his freshman year, our eldest son has made the Dean’s list ever since and is now in his senior year. Proof that effort and threats CAN make a difference.
17. Michael is still…Michael. He saved up 35,000 pennies to buy a huge full-size mascot outfit of some Pokemon named Lucario. He proudly walks around town in it. It’s only a matter of time before someone playing Pokemon Go captures him.
18. Kamryn has followed in Heather’s cleated footsteps and found her passion in soccer.
19. We started a bubble soccer business where people gladly pay to get crushed by one another.
20. I successfully convinced Kamryn’s entire elementary school that my real name is “Superstar.” I love when they call out my name when seeing me in public. Now to work on the rest of the world.
21. I went full-on Keto to try and trim down. I lost 40 pounds and started to hit the gym on a daily basis. I’ve since resumed some of my bad eating habits but purely from a reward standpoint. I’ll be back.
22. We went to the shores of North Carolina in the middle of summer in the middle of the day and, for the first time ever, I never once got a sunburn. It’s probably my finest accomplishment.
23. Heather and I realized that our last “date night” was three years ago. She won’t let me count childless trips to Wal-Mart.
24. Heather continues to serve on the school board and has been added to numerous committees, such as the “I Won’t Be Home For Dinner Committee,” the “This Should Only Take An Hour So I’ll See You In Four Hours Committee,” and the “Committee to Form More Committees Committee.”
25. Earlier this year, I had bought a taxidermied black bear on a whim at an auction. I later added a female mannequin to create an artistic piece I like to call, “Bear Naked.” Heather isn’t nearly as in love with it as I am.